American Horror Story is back: Last night, American Horror Story: Delicate, the latest chapter in Ryan Murphy’s popular horror franchise, premiered on FX and Hulu. This chapter—which marks the series’s 12th season—stars Emma Roberts as Anna Alcott, a rising actor convinced that someone is going to great lengths to stop her from starting a family, and Kim Kardashian (in her first real acting role since Tyler Perry’s Temptation: Confessions of a Marriage Counselor a decade ago), playing Roberts’s high-strung publicist. (Cara Delevingne, Billie Lourd, Zachary Quinto, and Denis O’Hare also co-star.)
Intrigued by the creepy premise—could anything ever top Coven?—I decided to tune in for the latest mystery, and to take in Kardashian’s acting chops. (She’s surprisingly entertaining!) Below, find the 16 thoughts I had while watching the first episode of American Horror Story: Delicate.
1. It’s the opening scene, and we’ve already got a jump scare. My weak heart can’t handle this! Emma Roberts wakes up to a faceless intruder sleeping next to her. She chases the intruder out, and then realizes she’s covered in blood. Is it hers? Is it the intruder s? Cue the opening title sequence. That’s an opening.
2. The opening title—an AHS signature—is delightfully spooky. We’re met with devilish imagery of babies, strollers, spiders—all things that I’m sure will present themselves throughout the season.
3. Emma’s character, Anna, is heading to an IVF appointment with her husband. On the way out of her apartment building, she meets Cara Delevingne, who is standing over a bird’s nest with a cracked-open egg inside it. Bizarre. Her look, though, is chic—very John Galliano-era Dior.
4. En route to the appointment, Anna spots herself on a giant billboard. It’s clear her star is rising. She cheekily snaps a pic of her blown-up face. Wouldn’t you?
5. Okay, this IVF clinic is giving me weird vibes. Why are all the walls glass? Why are the nurses in ominous red outfits? I would not trust this joint. Still, a doctor proceeds to remove some of Anna’s eggs.
6. We’re back at Anna’s Brooklyn apartment. It’s sick; I wonder how much she pays in rent. The high ceilings and wide-open floor plan suggest I can’t afford it. Then again, she is a Hollywood star. I bet she even has a washer and dryer.
7. Anna goes to meet her publicist Siobhan, deliciously played by Kim Kardashian. She has an impossibly huge office with a view of the skyline in the distance. “Suck my clit,” she says to someone on the phone, before turning her attention to Anna. To be honest, I’d hire her as my publicist. She seems like she gets it done.
8. They take a stroll out to Siobhan’s office patio. The white couches are very Skims. We learn they met at an IVF support group, and that Siobhan has tried to get pregnant too. The plot thickens.
9. Anna is told that she’s been booked on a late-night show with Andy Cohen—but it’s at the same time as one of her IVF appointments. She chooses Andy Cohen. (A classic TV tension: a women’s career versus motherhood.)
10. Anna’s embryo transfer appears to be a success, but things start getting weird. She discovers a never-ending strand of white hair in her head that resembles spider’s silk—and then an actual spider in her hair the following day. As an arachnophobe, all this nodding to spiders is making me nervous. Please, let’s not make this a theme of the series.
11. Anna starts becoming paranoid. “My biggest fear is my baby will come out a spider,” Anna tells Siobhan. Oh, God. I don’t like where this is going.
12. Anna is also convinced that an artist at her husband’s gallery resembles his dead ex-wife. Has the treatment messed with her head, or are all these suspicions valid? Only time will tell.
13. We make it back to the opening scene, wherein Anna meets the intruder and she’s covered in blood. But we realize it’s not blood—someone has covered her in red lipstick. Why? And why is the photo of her embryo also covered in red lipstick?
14. Anna goes to the mirror, where a note has been written: “Don’t do it, Anna.” Dun-dun-dun!
15. But back to the spiders…please, don’t let her give birth to a spider!
16. I think I feel something crawling on my neck.
