Vacation: It is, famously, all The Go-Go’s ever wanted (vay-cay-tion, had to get away!), but it’s also an exercise in capitalist comparison and ensuing despair. Personally, I can’t seem to scroll through my Instagram feed these days without learning that seemingly everyone who used to bully me in middle school is currently in Lisbon. And when it comes to celebrity vacations, my heart is even smaller, colder, and more infected with jealousy. Good for them, but also…that should be me on that yacht in the Mediterranean!
Sure, most celebrities work hard (I mean, not ER-nurse hard or third-grade-teacher hard, but they’re definitely called upon to put in the hustle in their own way), and yes, I’m a socialist who believes we should basically all be on government-sponsored holidays all of the time, but I still can’t help going green with envy at the sight of some of our most beloved music, TV, and film stars getting away from it all during the summer. And so, without further ado, here’s a ranking of the celebrity vacations that I wish I had taken this summer.
7. Reese Witherspoon in Sweden
Stockholm looks beautiful and all, but it’s too much biking for me. Next!
6. Salma Hayek dancing on a yacht in Ibiza
This is the energy I hope to embody every day of my life, even though I am rarely on a yacht and even more infrequently in Ibiza.
5. Nicole Kidman (and her hat) on Fire Island
“I got a lot of love,” Kidman said in a recent interview of her visits to New York’s gay beach haven (possibly not actually this summer, but play along)—adding that she used a time-tested accessory to avoid undue attention: “I wore a hat.” I can’t believe that worked, but I am jealous of the Fire Island visitors who got to party next to an incognito Nicole Kidman without even knowing it!
4. Magic and Cookie Johnson’s French party yacht
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Imagine if your summer plans were simply chartering a mega-yacht for yourself, your family, and a bunch of your friends (including Samuel L. Jackson, NBD). Well, Magic and Cookie Johnson don’t have to imagine it, as this is simply their estival reality. Obviously, their European journey was the real thing to envy, but for some reason, I’m deeply charmed by the image of this mega-famous athlete kicking back and watching women’s Olympic gymnastics on his multi-million-dollar vessel.
3. Bradley Cooper, Gigi Hadid, Margot Robbie, et al. on a superyacht in Italy
Okay, I have to rank this yacht a little higher than the Johnsons’ merely because a pregnant Robbie is on it, and I would lay down my life for her. (True Barbiecore stans never die, we just age!) Am I a fan of Cooper’s man bun? Not really, but presumably there are lots of places on the boat where I could go to avoid the sight of it.
2. Dua Lipa (and Callum Turner) in Italy
Dua is a known vacation queen after my own heart, and the pop star’s 2024 summer holidays in Italy look pretty picture-perfect: blue seas, pool floats shared with boyfriends, eclectic knit bikini cover-ups, and blended drinks abound. But the real sign of a good time is how blurry and, well, bad some of these group shots are. If all the photos are perfectly composed, it can’t have been that good of a party, as I always say.
1. Zendaya and Tom Holland, also in Italy
This vacation looks very similar in energy to Dua Lipa and Callum Turner’s, except without the relentless party energy. And given that I am a recovering English major who is now fully in my 30s, I have to admit that this is the platonic ideal of celebrity vacations for me. Trading books with your partner in a private pool, with your hair in two casual braids while the sun beams warmly down upon your relaxation activities? A dream.
