“I like an independent man who can handle his shit,” declared Vogue.com Photo Editor Emily Rosser. Flipping her blonde hair, arching her eyebrows, my normally angelic-faced, even-keeled colleague transformed into a no-nonsense version of herself. She meant business. It was a sight to behold, but then again, we were talking serious matters. A messy boyfriend is hardly a novel dating conundrum—alas, they’ve been around for eons, expecting their significant others to pick up after them. But the entitled pack rat has been very much on our minds lately after receiving a modern reboot in the form of Jennifer Lopez’s buzzy new video for her song “Ain’t Your Mama.”
The pop star and single mother of two stomps out into the middle of the street in Rihanna’s Manolo Blahnik denim holster over-the-thigh boots, asserting she won’t be doing the laundry or the cooking for her video game–playing mama’s boy any longer. In a powerful instant, Lopez shifted the subject of gender equity and household chores back to the center of dating life. While advances in feminism over the last 40 years have propelled the modern woman out of the kitchen and into the workforce, some wildly outdated expectations linger. While my colleague Emily assuredly won’t be picking up the Brillo pad on a man’s behalf anytime soon, another coworker—a #girlboss if I ever met one—surprisingly revealed to me she actually gave in and cleaned her boyfriend’s entire apartment one day. The clutter so overwhelmed the type A perfectionist (“It had to stop!”) that she set to work, laundering his sheets, cleaning his bathroom—the whole gamut. Did she feel un-feminist in any way washing his underwear? I wanted to know. “No, because my clothes were mixed in, too. It was more about me and less about him,” she explained.
The idea of a mixed load of laundry seems like a perfect analogy for the 50/50 setup Vogue.com Fashion News Writer Steff Yotka has arranged with her live-in boyfriend. They split chores—she is responsible for cleaning all the surfaces and he does all the cooking and grocery shopping—and they even keep the closet sliced down the middle. With a laugh she told me, “He can handle his own clothing.”
Chelsea Zalopany, Vogue.com Market Editor, meanwhile, loves to clean. Blaming it on her OCD tendencies, she admits she often finds herself becoming “mami” in relationships. “But obviously, when you can’t stop yourself from reorganizing kitchen cabinets, it comes off as lady of the house,” she explained. She has to temper her compulsion to fluff pillows and Swiffer the floors before she finds her guy becoming far too comfortable with the arrangement, enabling entitled behavior and preempting resentment on her end. “That being said, don’t be a pillow queen and there’s no reason not to pitch in around the house, but set some boundaries and the equal dividend of chores. No girlfriend or wife should feel like the hired help!” In fact, if he isn’t capable of cleaning up after himself, why not suggest he pay a professional to do so, so he can refocus his energies on romancing you.
To that end, pack away the apron and instead bust out Gucci’s paisley-print plissé silk-satin dress for a serious chat on the divvying up of household chores. Pitch in with flair in MSGM’s metallic stripe dress with cutouts and L’Autre Chose emerald green embossed croc leather and glitter platforms. Or hand over Kindred Black’s restored broom to your man, while you kick up your Rihanna x Manolo Blahnik dancehall cowgirl boot–shod feet. You deserve it.
