In the 2021 drama series Sex/Life, Billie, a New York City party girl-turned-suburban housewife, grapples with balancing motherhood and a serious case of FOMO. She pumps between psychology classes and struggles to get her daughter to latch onto her nipple—very real challenges many new mothers face with breastfeeding and trying to retain some semblance of their prior lives.
But this is a rare example for the TV and film industry, which so often highlights pregnancy and childbirth as a simple, beautiful feat. “Specifically with breastfeeding, the media really portrays it as this really beautiful bonding moment. And it is, but it s also really painful and uncomfortable and not easy,” says Melissa Garcia, a 35-year-old mother of two in Houston. Garcia says her experience with breastfeeding her firstborn was nothing like she imagined. “She just wouldn t latch. I think I thought it was gonna work naturally. But it wasn t happening the way that I had seen and heard it happen for other people, and I felt like I failed,” she said.
According to a 2019 study, nearly 70% of mothers experience difficulties during breastfeeding, with cracked nipples, the perception of insufficient milk supply, pain, and fatigue most frequently reported. “For some patients it s really difficult, and I don t think that s ever captured or discussed, whether it s in film or any other media,” says Dr. Jennifer Butt, a general OB/GYN in New York City. Breastfeeding is also extremely time-consuming, Butt points out, with feedings required every two to three hours, in theory, but in practice, whenever the baby is hungry—which can feel like every 10 minutes when you’re a new mother.
“There s so much thought and planning that goes into it that you really don t see in movies or TV shows,” says Garcia, who ended up switching to formula after two weeks of trying to nurse her daughter. (Her second child was able to breastfeed for two months.) When breastfeeding is shown on the big and small screen it’s often something to hide. In Modern Family, Gloria answers the door while breastfeeding her baby, which upsets her husband, who scolds her for “doing it” in front of the delivery man. A similar dynamic plays out in Flirting with Disaster, when Patricia Arquette s character breastfeeds her baby on an airplane next to a male friend. "Honey, why don t you cover yourself up?” her husband prompts, handing her a cover-up.
Breastfeeding isn’t the only part of new motherhood or pregnancy that most film and television dramatically flattens. In Amy Schumer’s comedy special Emergency Contact, the comedian talks about developing hyperemesis gravidarum, a potentially life-threatening condition that causes extreme, persistent nausea and vomiting and might lead to malnutrition, dehydration, and debility. But this, again, is an exception. Father of the Bride Part II follows two pregnancies—one at an advanced maternal age—but mentions of nausea are limited to one scene. Pregnancy complications, generally, aren’t fodder for film and TV.
In 2022, Garcia sought medical attention after experiencing extreme nausea and abdominal pain. She was pregnant at the time, but didn’t assume she was having a miscarriage because there was no visible blood. When she arrived at the hospital, however, she was told that the baby had implanted in her fallopian tube. Garcia was diagnosed with an ectopic pregnancy and had to have her fallopian tube surgically removed. “I don t think I ve ever seen an ectopic pregnancy in a movie,” she says.
Butt says a lot of expecting mothers aren’t familiar with ectopic pregnancy or the different types of miscarriages that can occur. “It kind of goes into the portrayal of miscarriages in film. We so often see miscarriage as waking up in a puddle of blood, which is the case for how some people miscarry, but there are plenty of women who feel fine, and have the common symptoms of pregnancy, but actually go in for an ultrasound and based off of how far along they are, the fetus hasn’t grown to that gestational age,” Butt explained.
Perhaps the most inauthentic portrayal of pregnancy is the immediate postpartum period. “It’s not specifically glamorized, but definitely omitted from film,” says Butt. After giving birth to their babies, the two pregnant characters in Father of the Bride Part II, snap back into action. In fact, immediately following the delivery scene, George’s narration claims,”Before we knew it, two months had passed.”
“What really happens the days after is a lot of bleeding, usually some type of urinary incontinence, and soreness and pain in the perineum area from the tearing that is typically involved.” The period of time that it takes for a mothers body to return to its typical, physical state is generally 6 to 12 months after delivery. Weight loss aside, some women may not return to their exact pre-pregnancy shape ever; wider hips and a larger waistline are common lasting changes caused by pregnancy.
Tove Smith, a 30-year-old mother in Dallas who is currently pregnant with her second child, experienced postpartum hair loss, the development of several skin tags, and shrinking of her breasts. “I get why people want those mommy makeovers. It can be really jarring to see your body completely change and not bounce back the way you think it’s supposed to,” she said.
“It s obviously difficult to capture the time it takes for the body to recover, given the time that you need to tell the plot or story in a film. But I think the labor and the delivery aspect, in TV and film, definitely is significantly shorter than what it is in real life, particularly for the first pregnancy. So I think sometimes that can be obviously misleading to viewers,” says Butt.
There are some films that have aimed to get it right. The 2012 romantic comedy What to Expect When You re Expecting shows an array of common complications associated with pregnancy like involuntary urination, unsuccessful infertility treatment, and miscarriage. For all of it’s unlikely plotlines, Knocked Up does somewhat accurately portray labor as a waiting game, and similar to Sex/Life, Jane the Virgin highlights the various and common struggles associated with breastfeeding. The 2018 film Tully was somewhat revolutionary in its depiction of the postpartum mental state, while recent horror or horror-adjacent films like When the Bough Breaks and Baby Ruby, have used that genre to stretch the bounds of how we talk about postpartum life for women. Those films may not be realistic, but even in their extremes, they capture something of the intense struggles many women experience. Still, major aspects of pregnancy and childbirth from pushing for hours and developing postpartum depression, to navigating returning to work after giving birth, often don’t make the cut.
Smith agrees: “The recovery part and aftermath are just glossed over in film. If there was a way to see how a lot of these things actually play out, I think new mothers and their partner would be more prepared.”