It hasn’t even been a year since Jenny Slate was at the 95th Academy Awards, celebrating the two Oscar-nominated films in which she featured: Everything Everywhere All at Once and Marcel the Shell With Shoes On (which she also produced). And yet here she is, back with a new comedy special, Seasoned Professional—a whirlwind journey through childbirth, the consequences of lactose intolerance on a seventh grade orchestra trip, and her parasocial relationship with her therapist, Pamela. (It’s out now on Prime Video.)
Like much of Slate’s other work, Seasoned Professional is as raw and personal as it is funny. She recalls, among other things, the time her (former) agents booked her an audition for the role of Pennywise, the demonic clown in It. While she laughed it off at the time, Slate spends a portion of the special revealing just how hurt she was by the experience, even releasing cathartic screams into the ether. “It’s an aggregate of that feeling—of all the tiny little times that I have held something in because I didn’t want to be a problem,” she tells Vogue.
Slate is of the belief that being chill is a myth, and that regarding it as a social ideal does us all a disservice. “We shouldn’t feel ashamed of the ways that we try to care for ourselves,” she says. Now, as she models an image for her young daughter, Ida, she’s done quieting her feelings to avoid causing friction. “It’s just not my job anymore.”
Vogue recently spoke with the comedian about reliving hurt feelings onstage, feeling good in a tuxedo, and being brave in the name of love.
Vogue: I was so interested in the outfit you chose for the show. How did you decide to riff on the the tuxedo?
Jenny Slate: The tuxedo is an ensemble that you wear when you’re receiving an honor, or getting married, or just a really fancy person in the past. And, I guess, a magician. It’s evocative to me of Judy Garland and tap dancing and other things that are classy. I think that one of the things that many people work with is that feeling of imposter syndrome, like, But I’m not the real deal of this or that; I’m not the one that represents being a seasoned professional. I really want to celebrate my life as it is now, and that I’m able to express myself and where I am in my career—that I’ve been doing this for a while, and I am a seasoned professional.
I also really wanted to be comfortable and a bit flirty. I really love the idea of using traditional forms and breaking them just a tiny bit, to say: I’m not trying to make a new world, I’m just trying to bring newness into the world as a continuum. I had been fortunate enough to be dressed by Thom Browne many times through the awards season last year, and I was thinking about what will make me feel comfortable, but also represent that I’m at the top of my game while I’m on stage. I thought about this little tuxedo that I had worn to one of the events in New York City, and I felt like whatever is my own definition of pretty. I felt so coherent. This little bowtie has been floating in Infinity waiting to attach itself to my collar. I felt so tidy, but also really rebellious. In an odd way that is a good combo for me.
I really appreciated your honesty about how hurtful being asked to audition for Pennywise was. Can you take me to that moment, screaming into the mic, “That really hurt my feelings?” How did you feel saying it?
If I’m lucky, moments present themselves in my life, or onstage, where I’m able to actually give time that I really wish I could give to a feeling. There’s so much in life where you feel a feeling, and then you just try to process it in a thin stream forever until it’s finally out. There’s a lot about being an actor where I’ve had to be like, “I’ll roll with it. I’m tough enough,” when I’m not tough enough, and I don’t want to be! I don’t like those challenges. I think it’s really abusive and brutal and strange to have to be tough enough to go through something that’s just really offensive and demoralizing.
I never told anybody that that was upsetting to me. I might have made a joke, like, maybe I was like, “LOL, guys, I’m gonna pass.” All I can remember is that I was so embarrassed. Some people might not need to scream into a microphone that their feelings are hurt. This thing happened to me, like, seven years ago. I’m just thinking about this for so long, and it was the right volume and the right setting for me to finally show the extent of that emotion. It is real catharsis. When everybody laughs and when people respond, that’s so major. You’re like, Oh, so this thing I’ve kind of been thinking about privately forever, actually, most people agree with me that it is ridiculous and so odd.
Did you have any hesitations including it in your special? I can imagine that it must be frustrating to relive it.
No, not frustrating at all. It seems more of a portrait of how maybe people didn’t know what to do with me for a while. Every actor has a very weird audition that they got sent. I’m not the only one. I’m not a victim of the entertainment industry in that way at all—they cast a wide net. To be honest, until you said it [just] now, no, I never thought about not doing it. Because it’s so far in the past and I don’t work with any of the people. It’s not really in my life, it’s only in my memory. Stand-up can feel dangerous to people in the audience. There’s always a chance that a comedian might humiliate you. I’m not interested in that. But I’m also not willing to compromise on talking about things that are absurdly funny to me that have happened. And [in which] I was not the instigator. I shouldn’t have to be the protector. I just have to talk about what’s happening in my life. It’s a true story.
There’s always the chance for someone to feel embarrassed that they did whatever you’re talking about, and that’s really sad. I get that, but I’ve come to the point where I have tried so hard to make other people feel comfortable. Usually it’s because I want to, but sometimes it was because I was scared, and in those times, I wish I hadn’t done it. So I give myself room now to talk about things that made me feel uncomfortable, especially when I wasn’t the one who created the situation. I think that’s something that I’m really trying to unlearn: picking up the burden. It’s just not my job anymore.
It’s a really powerful response, to take something that has been thrust upon you and have that catharsis before so many people.
Me screaming “That hurt my feelings so much! Things hurt my feelings so much,” is not just about that moment. It’s an aggregate of that feeling—of all the tiny little times that I have held something in because I didn’t want to be a problem, because whatever happened already seemed so unreasonable to me. And that’s not the way that I want to be. I challenge myself to do that, especially now that I have my daughter. I don’t want her to have to take on other people’s bad decisions and tell herself that they happened because somehow she’s low worth.
It sounds like you did something very brave for love, for her.
Yeah, I exploded my vagina for her.
What’s one brave thing you’ve done for love lately?
I held my daughter in my arms while I knew she was gonna throw up all over my neck and chest. And she did. And I just kept hugging her.
This conversation has been edited and condensed.
