On Thursday morning, during Vogue.com’s daily standup meeting, it was announced that Taylor Swift’s new album had leaked. But Vogue’s two 25-year-old Swifties would not be deterred from hearing the album as (and when!) intended, going as far as to delete TikTok and mute Jake Shane on Instagram so that they could experience The Tortured Poets Department together. Here, they share their raw thoughts on five standout songs with Vogue’s readership. Please enjoy them below.
Editor’s note: The original 29-page transcript has been heavily edited for Taylor Swift’s convenience, as we know she is a super busy woman. This version, she can easily read on the treadmill.
“The Tortured Poets Department”
Florence: Very much about Matty Healy, right?
Irene: But you know how there was that interview Joe Alwyn did all the way back, and he said that he, Andrew Scott, and Paul Mescal had that group chat called “The Tortured Men’s Club”? Because of that I thought this song would be about Joe. But I think it’s about Matty because of the golden retriever tattoo line.
Florence: Joe does look more like a golden retriever, but I don’t think he has tattoos?
Irene: Also, what about the Charlie Puth reference? Who’s most likely to say that—Matty or Joe?
Florence: Let’s look up who Charlie Puth follows on Instagram. [Looks up Charlie Puth’s instagram followers.]
Irene: OK, Joe doesn’t follow Charlie, and neither does Matty. BUT Charlie follows Matty!
Florence: Case closed. It’s about Matty.
“Down Bad”
Florence: Okay, LOVE! I started off thinking it was about Joe, but then, once again, I ended up thinking it was about Matty Healy. Regardless, the whole song is very indicative of how everyone feels after a breakup. I have been known to cry at the gym—who hasn’t?!
Irene: Crying on the treadmill when you have your AirPods on, it’s the best.
Florence: Taylor, she’s just like us. She goes to the gym and cries. She probably cries at a fancy private gym, but it’s still a gym.
Irene: Taylor, if you read this article, invite us to your gym. We’ll also cry with you.
Florence: Back to Matty, the line “I loved your hostile take-overs/ Encounters closer and closer/ All your indecent exposures” is obviously about bad boy Matty. They are kindred spirits, but she can’t have him because he’s too messy!
Irene: I honestly had no clue who this was about, but her line “Down bad, like I lost my twin” is about her twin flame. I need to see who Taylor’s twin flame is. Let me put it into my astrology app [The Pattern] to see if it’s Matty or Joe.
Florence: Amazing idea, Irene.
Irene: Luckily both Taylor and Matty are in the public figures section of the app, so this will be easy. It says that Taylor and Matty’s connection is really complex, but that it’s one of the most fortunate and enjoyable connection’s she’ll have with someone. And that Matty has most of the qualities that are best for Taylor in a long-term relationship. That sounds twin flame-like?
Florence: Definitely twin flames! What about Joe?
Irene: Oh, Joe is not on The Pattern.
Florence: That’s so telling. Okay, his birthday is February 21, 1991, and he was born in Royal Tunbridge Wells, United Kingdom.
Irene: The Pattern says that when Taylor’s with Joe, something lights up. They’ll introduce each other to new experiences and help each other grow to their greatest potential. But it doesn’t say that it’s one of the “most fortunate and enjoyable connection’s she’ll have with someone,” so I feel like we can definitely say her twin flame is Matty. Sorry, Joe!
Florence: What about Travis…
Irene: He’s not on either… I’m not worried, though. He’ll be on it soon.
Florence: Doesn’t matter, every boy makes you cry at the gym eventually.
Irene: Sorry, Luke [Florence’s boyfriend]! But if you make her cry, we’ll be listening to this song at the gym. Hopefully with Taylor.
“So Long, London”
Florence: I feel personally victimized by this song. [Florence is from London.]
Irene: This is a goodbye song to Joe and all of the British boys—thank God! Sorry Florence.
Florence: For sure about Joe! “I left all I knew, you left me at the house by the Heath” is in reference to the Hampstead Heath, an area in North London, which I think is where Taylor and Joe lived together?
Irene: Oh, good to know! Gotta make sure I avoid Hampstead Heath when I’m in the UK, then.
Florence: If you do end up there, make sure you go to the Hampstead Creperie—it’s delicious and Harry Styles has also been spotted there many times!
Irene: Wow, so two of her exes have frolicked in Hampstead…
Florence: Hampstead is cancelled.
Irene: Yes. Anyways, there are also blue references in this song. I mean, Lover was all about the color blue—“Paper Rings,” for example. Joe’s eyes are blue, his brother’s walls are blue, and how she felt when she was with him was blue. Joe is synonymous with the color blue.
Florence: Damn, the color blue is cancelled too. It was a bad day to wear a blue sweater.
“I Can Do It With a Broken Heart”
Irene: This song really reminds me of being at the Eras Tour—like, the energy. But the lyrics were so sad.
Florence: It makes me so sad to think that she was in so much pain while performing for us!
Irene: Yeah, we made her smile every day, dance all night, and we chanted for “more!” But she was so shattered.
Florence: Irene, the line, “I cry a lot, but I am so productive, it’s an art” is us.
Irene: Oh, my God. This is us! And even in the outro, when she says, “Ah, try and come for my job,” this is also us. [Internet, please don’t come for us! We love our jobs!]
Florence: Shout out to her! We love strong women!
“The Alchemy”
Irene: Touchdown! Football!
Florence: Finally, some Travis content!
Irene: They are soulmates.
Florence: “Where’s the trophy? He just comes runnin’ over to me.” She’s his trophy! He loves her more than his Super Bowl ring!
Irene: Even though Travis isn’t on The Pattern app, it’s already written in the stars. We’re not checking this one.
