If there was one positive that followed us out of lockdowns, it was the return of the hobby. I, like many, dabbled in a few. First there were puzzles, which I gave up very quickly. Then website design, which I soon talked myself out of, and then, finally, yoga which actually stuck. By the time lockdown ended for me in 2021 and life was un-paused, I was well and truly in my “hobby era.”
When, several months later, a tall, dark, multilingual stranger wandered into my life and became my boyfriend, I challenged myself to learn his first language, Italian. Having studied French throughout high school, I imagined Italian—a fellow romance language—to be only a hop-skip away. Though I reasoned it was all in service of deepening our connection, I was under the impression that picking up a new language was like any other extracurricular activity, and I couldn’t pass up the miracle of having someone fluent at my disposal. I could see my success before I even began.
I immediately downloaded Duolingo and switched on subtitles during my nightly Netflix binge, making it through a few blissfully self-satisfying weeks before realizing I was in over my head. Where puzzles, design, and yoga had easy wins, learning a language was not so bite-sizable. There was no finished product after a few months of work I could brag about to my friends and family; instead, the more Italian I learned, the less it seemed like I knew. Anyone can learn how to say the months and days of the week in another language, but learning the intricacies of tenses and grammar draws a very real line in the sand between hobby and life-long commitment. And so I had a choice: Could I do this? Should I?
When I was 16 years old, I spent a semester on a student exchange in a tiny fairytale town in Southern France where I lived with a host family and their flat-faced cat, Utopia. Five months later, when I said À bientôt to my temporary life, I realized that I had barely improved in French at all. I’d mastered pronunciation and a few colloquial expressions, but I was very far from fluent. The thing is, when you speak English you’re bound to run into other English speakers. They’re everywhere, even in a tiny town in Europe, hours away from the main city. And so I took the easy way out and squandered the opportunity completely. I stuck like glue to the other English-speaking exchange students, and the one French friend I’d made turned out to be Scottish. Before I left for France, everyone told me the fastest way to learn a language is through immersion, but as I discovered, that won’t get you far if you aren’t fully committed. When my Scottish friend revealed that he often acted as the translator for his aging parents who could barely hold a conversation in French, despite calling it home for nearly 15 years, I wondered if they too had found their own English bubble.
This idea of immersion isn’t the only theory preventing people from taking a chance on learning a new language. The popular belief that children soak up languages like sponges while adults find it harder has been deconstructed in recent years. Though it’s true that if children are living and using a new language they will absorb it, research shows that adults are able to piece together the rules of a language more quickly. With more mature cognitive ability, they can better understand how a language works and the best ways to study it.
Nearly a year into my relationship, my partner introduced me to his father over FaceTime. From all the way across the globe on his summer’s day in Northern Italy, down to my rainy Sydney afternoon, we spoke in broken Itanglese. The conversation was short, as we both quickly reached our capacity for understanding the other.
Suddenly, I had a bigger reason to learn Italian other than for personal achievement, or to be able to listen in on my boyfriend’s conversations. I wanted to be able to communicate with his family, even if they were half a world away, because they meant the world to him.
Newly inspired, I persevered and made the choice to commit. I dropped Duolingo for a paid app that doesn’t intimidate you into participation with endless notifications. I swapped TV subtitles for a handy book called Short Stories in Italian, which I transcribe in bed. And, I put a temporary pause on learning grammar, going against the grain and deciding to save the worst for last.
I squeezed in study sessions on my lunch breaks and started trying to translate thoughts into Italian when I got bored. I even declared Sunday an Italian-only day, where I test my partner’s patience for as far as it will extend. Despite months of this, I’m sorry to say that I’m still far from fluent, but what I have discovered is that there are other things to be gained from this seemingly impossible task. Italian is more than just words; there’s a whole culture, cuisine, country to dive into. Suffice it to say, I’ve become a pizza snob.
Yes, it is an intimidating task to learn a language, especially alone. It is not a magic trick, but it has been done before—by many, in fact! Just Google “language and TedTalks” and you’ll find a plethora of examples of how people cracked the code.
Though pieces are slow to click into place, every day adds a new word to my vocabulary; a new word I get to share with someone I love—and, hopefully soon, many others.
A few tips for getting started
While having an Italian partner has been my source of motivation, a part of me dreams of escaping to the sun-soaked country come wintertime and ordering a gelato (coppetta non cono) without anyone’s help. Whether you’re booking a holiday abroad and want to be able to get by the old-fashioned way (sans Google Translate), or you want to learn the first language of a close friend, or maybe you already half-know a language and want to polish it off, start by finding your why.
Luckily, you don’t need to blow your savings on a three-month course to learn a new language. The best place to start is actually the smallest: Find the most enjoyable method, be that Duolingo or maybe even a local language group, and get started with the sole intention of having fun. Once you pick up momentum, then you can look into making bigger commitments and setting some goals.
Unfortunately, self-learning is not always fun, otherwise we’d do it more often. When teaching yourself something as tricky as a language, it helps to have a few methods. Sift through the endless options right at your fingertips (language apps, podcasts, books, shows, music) and try them all on. Once you find the ones that fit you, start rotating them in.
The first few weeks, months—let’s face it, even year—is hard. Adding a commitment of this size into the balancing act of work and life is going to be tricky. But once you have a routine, it becomes a lot easier to stick to it. When lunchtime rolls around every work day, my brain clicks over into study mode, and because I’ve made it a habit, I don’t have to fight that internal battle of will-I-or-won’t-I study-today.
If you are going to watch TV in your new language, then I’m sorry to say that switching on subtitles isn’t enough; you need to switch over the language, too. Yes, this will mean that the show won’t make a lot of sense at first—which is why picking up an old favorite is a great choice—but one day it will click (I promise!) and all those hours of mental gymnastics will have been worth it.
This story originally appeared on vogue.com.au.