Unbox Me by Vikram Kushwah
A project for UNAIDSConcept: Swati BhattacharyaPhotographs and words: Vikram Kushwah
Most children love the idea of hiding and secrecy - the hiding of found treasures, the creation of secret worlds - in tins, boxes, drawers, in the backyard, in the rich soil of the earth. The joy and delight of hiding and seeking is universal.
“Unbox Me” refers to a child’s call to participate in the opening of their treasure chest or memory box. This is a child just like you and I were - a force of nature who dreams in full colour. Yet this box does not hold the childlike spirit of curiosity and wonder. Instead it makes room for another kind of hiding - the hiding in shame and fear from a world that is obsessed with form, caught up with boxing everything. We check little boxes to box ourselves as married or unmarried, as belonging to this nation or that, to this race or that, to the female gender or the other one, because as children we are rarely told that to be human is enough, to be given the gift of life is enough.
“Unbox Me” is a whisper and a prayer, an invitation to walk together. This is the revealing of a transgender child’s heart, fanning the radiant flame that was once extinguished because most adults were fearful of raising a child who didn t fit a box. Red lipstick, a cricket ball, glass bangles and trinkets, these sat in shame for decades but now see the clear blue skies : to help pry open hearts that were too closed to see that these children too have treasure chests to share with the world, if only they are given the chance.
Every object in these boxes is a hidden treasure that a child couldn’t share with the world because of fear, confusion or shame. These boxes have been recreated with the memories of children who have grown up to own trans identities.
Children feel distressed when their gender identity differs from the sex they were given at birth, as what they experience clashes with their own reality, so much so that they can start closeting as early as the age of two.
This impacts children’s growth negatively. LGBTQ children are more likely to drop out of school, run away from home, face physical, mental and sexual abuse, and more likely to harm themselves. At 41% transgender kids have the highest rate of suicide attempts across the world. The problem starts at home, starts with parents, and it starts early, yet hardly anyone speaks about trans children.
We need a tool that holds up a mirror – to parents of transgender children and to society in general. It is only when we envision a new, more humane world, can we begin to create it.
“My name is Mina, and I identify as a transgender woman. When I was a little boy, I had a box in which I used to keep a lot of things and memories. It had a lipstick, which I took from my mother, and wore in secret. It also had a hairband which I used to flaunt in front of my friends to make them jealous. Oh, and nail polish in my favourite colour.
That box was important to me. If you look at it, the real me, was in that box. I identified myself with the things inside.
But I was afraid my parents would hit me if they ever found it. Out of fear, I hid it under my bed.
I could not be myself, so I left home when I was 14. And I left all my memories behind. My childhood got left behind, even my mother’s scarf I used to wear got left behind. I never got a chance to go back.
My message to others like me, is to not hide your feelings like I did. Talk about them, explain them. One day everyone will understand you and your feelings. And unlike me, you will not have to leave home.
Parents should look at children the way their children see themselves, otherwise they’ll never be able to understand them. It’s only when you understand their point of view, you’ll see what they are all about.
Thank you for revealing my box to the world, spreading our message and helping to create a world that accepts all children for who they are.”
Mina
“My name is Prem. I’m a trans woman from Delhi. As a young boy, my belongings were everything to me and made me feel proud. I used to store papers and notes in a small box and lock them away, together with bindis (a beauty mark worn on the middle of the forehead by Hindu women), bangles, jewelry, hairpins...
I used to hide my box, away from everyone else. Out of shame and fear.
My step mother had her issues with me. And when she found out, she made my life hell. Everyone was against me putting on makeup or playing with other girls. They questioned why I was like this.
At home they used to force me to do things. When I was seven years old, my cousin tried to harass me. At that time I didn’t know what it was. Eventually, I stayed with my aunt, she too mistreated me as if I were a servant.
After a while, I decided to fight for my rights. Enough was enough. No more listening to society and my family. I was done. It’s been 2 years since I’ve left home.
To date, people still call me names. Some even try to run me over with their car. When is this going to change? I want all children like me to live their lives freely and be able to chase their dreams. So, thank you for opening my box, and letting the world see our stories.”
Prem
“My name is Santoshi. I identify myself as a transgender woman. I had a secret box as a little boy and I always kept it close to me. I didn’t show it to anybody, not even to my elder brother or mother because it was too difficult for me. It had a lot of stuff in it which according to my parents, I shouldn’t have had. Jewelry, make up, bracelets.
I felt I would be in big trouble if my father would ever find my box. All the things in there either belonged to my mother or to my aunts who used to visit us. I used to take things out of my aunt’s purse and ask her if I could have them. She used to allow it, thinking I was just a kid.
One day, I took my mother’s ring. And I was badly beaten up for it. My father asked why I was using girls’ things.
My parents made me go to a boys’ school. I was too feminine for them, and their idea was that if I was around other boys, I would start doing more masculine stuff.
It’s very difficult for kids to go through this. I think as a society we’ve developed so much but there is still no acceptance.
Children need to be protected whether you’re a girl or a boy, whether you identify as a trans woman or a trans man, whether you’re gender conforming or not.
My parents didn’t abuse me or call me names. But when they used to compare me with my elder brother, they used to say, look at him and what he’s doing and look at you, why don’t you go out and play with other boys?
My little box carries a lot of emotions. It takes me back to memories that were good because I enjoyed all this stuff in it, but on the other hand it was scary, because you were in constant fear of someone finding it.
Even today, a lot of transgenders are either rejected or abused by their families. It’s important to understand that these children have no place to go. Society doesn’t accept them. It is really problematic and hard for them to survive. And there’s a huge number of them. There are a lot of people who are still homeless, jobless, and they have no idea what will happen to their life.
So, thank you for sharing my box with the world, to help shed light on this important issue. It’s so important that we see our children the way they see themselves.”
