Unbox Me by Vikram Kushwah
A project for UNAIDSConcept: Swati BhattacharyaPhotographs and words: Vikram Kushwah
Most children love the idea of hiding and secrecy - the hiding of found treasures, the creation of secret worlds - in tins, boxes, drawers, in the backyard, in the rich soil of the earth. The joy and delight of hiding and seeking is universal.
“Unbox Me” refers to a child’s call to participate in the opening of their treasure chest or memory box. This is a child just like you and I were - a force of nature who dreams in full colour. Yet this box does not hold the childlike spirit of curiosity and wonder. Instead it makes room for another kind of hiding - the hiding in shame and fear from a world that is obsessed with form, caught up with boxing everything. We check little boxes to box ourselves as married or unmarried, as belonging to this nation or that, to this race or that, to the female gender or the other one, because as children we are rarely told that to be human is enough, to be given the gift of life is enough.
“Unbox Me” is a whisper and a prayer, an invitation to walk together. This is the revealing of a transgender child’s heart, fanning the radiant flame that was once extinguished because most adults were fearful of raising a child who didn t fit a box. Red lipstick, a cricket ball, glass bangles and trinkets, these sat in shame for decades but now see the clear blue skies : to help pry open hearts that were too closed to see that these children too have treasure chests to share with the world, if only they are given the chance.
Every object in these boxes is a hidden treasure that a child couldn’t share with the world because of fear, confusion or shame. These boxes have been recreated with the memories of children who have grown up to own trans identities.
Children feel distressed when their gender identity differs from the sex they were given at birth, as what they experience clashes with their own reality, so much so that they can start closeting as early as the age of two.
This impacts children’s growth negatively. LGBTQ children are more likely to drop out of school, run away from home, face physical, mental and sexual abuse, and more likely to harm themselves. At 41% transgender kids have the highest rate of suicide attempts across the world. The problem starts at home, starts with parents, and it starts early, yet hardly anyone speaks about trans children.
We need a tool that holds up a mirror – to parents of transgender children and to society in general. It is only when we envision a new, more humane world, can we begin to create it.
“My name is Mina, and I identify as a transgender woman. When I was a little boy, I had a box in which I used to keep a lot of things and memories. It had a lipstick, which I took from my mother, and wore in secret. It also had a hairband which I used to flaunt in front of my friends to make them jealous. Oh, and nail polish in my favourite colour.
That box was important to me. If you look at it, the real me, was in that box. I identified myself with the things inside.
But I was afraid my parents would hit me if they ever found it. Out of fear, I hid it under my bed.
I could not be myself, so I left home when I was 14. And I left all my memories behind. My childhood got left behind, even my mother’s scarf I used to wear got left behind. I never got a chance to go back.
My message to others like me, is to not hide your feelings like I did. Talk about them, explain them. One day everyone will understand you and your feelings. And unlike me, you will not have to leave home.
Parents should look at children the way their children see themselves, otherwise they’ll never be able to understand them. It’s only when you understand their point of view, you’ll see what they are all about.
Thank you for revealing my box to the world, spreading our message and helping to create a world that accepts all children for who they are.”
