While I’m a few franchises behind on Ryan Murphy’s horror fare (I stopped keeping up when Sarah Paulson was a traumatized 1950s lesbian frozen in a block of ice, or whatever happened on American Horror Story: Asylum), that doesn’t mean I’m not extremely seated for the wildly prolific writer/director/producer’s non-terrifying projects. Among them? The much-buzzed-about American Love Story, with a first season focused on John-John and Carolyn Bessette-Kennedy, and—coming in just a month’s time—the legal drama All’s Fair, about a team of female divorce attorneys.
All’s Fair appears to be an overstuffed Christmas stocking of female Hollywood talent (Kim Kardashian! Naomi Watts! Niecy Nash-Betts! Teyana Taylor! Sarah Paulson again! Glenn freaking Close!), and on Wednesday we were blessed with its (wild) first official trailer. Watch it for yourself, then find (literally) every thought I had about it below:
- Sarah Paulson in sunglasses and a boxy-shouldered business top makes me feel gay.
- As in happy!
- Also, as in homosexual.
- “Beef curtains” within the first five seconds…Ryan Murphy, you will not see heaven.
- What’s the status of Kim K and the baby bar?
- Oh, whoops, she passed it like four years ago.
- You know what, say what you will about this woman, but I admire her commitment to the law (and the fictional, Hulu-interpreted law).
- Okay, Miss Flippy Bob!
- Which Meryl Streep daughter is that?
- Brooke Shields?!?
- “Men. They are terrified of women in power.”
- Tea, I fear.
- The sight of white men laughing activates an ancient fight-or-flight response in me.
- Incredible use of Britney Spears’s “Work Bitch.”
- “You are the victim here.” Some of you really need Sarah Paulson saying that as your ringtone, is all I will say.
- How is Teyana Taylor so good at simply walking down a hallway?
- Who’s having sex through this pink glowing screen???
- I never knew I needed to see Sarah Paulson dressed up as Kim…
- Okay, I have gleaned zero plot, but…I’m in.
