Shocking as it may be, it’s true: Paul Verhoeven’s erotic drama Showgirls is officially 30 years old today. And, given that showgirls of all stripes are enjoying a new moment of cultural relevancy, thanks to Taylor Swift’s upcoming album (and accompanying concept film!), there’s never been a better time to revisit it.
Speaking for myself, I was probably 11 and at a loosely supervised sleepover when I first saw Showgirls, so in many ways, cuing it up recently felt like a brand-new experience. How’d that go, you may ask? Below, find quite literally every thought I had while rewatching Showgirls.
1. Watching women hitchhike in movies will always stress me out; I am nothing if not a narc at my core.
2. I mean, Elizabeth Berkley’s Nomi can handle herself, but…I don’t trust this greaser bro who just picked her up.
3. Okay, sick, she’s got a knife.
4. The lip liner in this movie deserves its own IMDb credit.
5. Oh, Vegas, I miss you (even though my main Vegas memory involves knocking off canvassing for Hillary early to go drink in a casino because “she’ll definitely win, right?” Hindsight is 20/20!).
6. Ugh, Nomi and I were right not to trust Jeff.
7. God, Molly is such a sweetie.
8. I simply cannot watch Elizabeth Berkley do anything without thinking about Jessie Spano’s caffeine-pill freakout from Saved by the Bell.
9. “What are you going to do, watch TV and eat chips?” “Yeah!” Iconic exchange.
10. So many sequins, so many butts.
11. Gina Gershon, the woman that you are.
12. Who knew the art of nipple maintenance was so time-consuming?
13. (People who accurately remember seeing this movie for the first time, I guess.)
14. For two women who allegedly aren’t gay for each other, Nomi and Molly are really good at getting into loud, inane fights in public.
15. Nomi’s clear enjoyment at watching men brawl in a club is so wild and cool.
16. Henrietta’s foul-mouthed-fat-girl act is so me-coded (if I may flatter myself).
17. Telling a man you have your period to get out of work: a classic in any industry. This is what makes us girls!
18. A bisexual-coded private dance for Kyle MacLachlan and his GF? Don’t threaten me with a good time.
19. Get a life, James!
20. I love Molly’s chic little hat.
21. This purple lace shirt unbuttoned over a pink push-up bra is so important to me.
22. Ugh, I hate all of these grabby men.
23. In the immortal words of Shania Twain: If you wanna touch her, ask!
24. Goddess chorus line audition time!
25. “Okay, show me your tits.” What a film.
26. Tony Moss sucks, but he’s right to give Nomi the job.
27. This is, in many ways, a movie about how all human machinations of power are motivated by boobs.
28. “Whatever you do, don’t ever go out onstage crying.” Good advice for any working woman!
29. I’m so mad I missed the Quaalude era.
30. Of course Nomi’s birthday is 7/3/73. My angel-number queen!
31. Brown rice, vegetables, and a bottle of Evian? Do they even serve that anywhere in Vegas?
32. Everybody leave Nomi alone! Her pelvic thrusts are fine!
33. By the way, if you haven’t seen the recreation of this scene starring Kate Berlant, Cole Escola, and John Early, do yourself an enormous favor and cue it up now:
34. These dressed-up monkeys are so giving Jenna Maroney adopting a gibbon.
35. Flowers delivered to the girl you like before her topless chorus-line performance? That’s what’s known as a Sin City class act.
36. Clapping to get a woman’s attention? Again: James, get a life.
37. The lack of fucks that Nomi gives about James is truly inspiring.
38. Cocaine being “great for the muscles”…hmm.
39. Ver-SAYCE!
40. Ah, yes, the “I like nice tits”/“I like having nice tits” dichotomy.
41. Texas shoutout!
42. Ooh, Nomi looks good as a brunette.
43. The mirrored crop top that Nomi wears in the Andrew Carver scene is inspiring a deep jealousy in me that could easily rival what Nomi feels for Cristal.
44. I forgot about Cristal’s major dressing-room-leg-shaving moment.
45. Dry-shaving is simply not it, though. Ouch!
46. Kyle MacLachlan ass sighting!
47. I mean, if we’re going to objectify the naked women, it only seems fair to keep things balanced.
48. I’d let him pour Champagne over me in his cheesy Vegas villa’s gigantic pool, if you know what I mean.
49. (That’s actually literally what I mean: I just want the Champagne, no funny business. It’s probably Dom!)
50. Oop, showgirl down!
51. I love this other showgirl with two kids who lies for Nomi :)
52. Sisterhood is powerful!
53. In many ways, Nomi’s hair tinsel predicted Anora’s.
54. Oh no, poor Molly!
55. And poor Cristal, while we’re at it (although she earned her comeuppance just a tad more than Molly did).
56. Let’s go, lesbians!
57. And with this final image, I bid you adieu:
