1. Wherever I travel, I always regret not packing a navy blue sweater.
2. As a 20-something millennial, I knew the world revolved around me and that I was special. By now, I am aware that the exact opposite is true, and actually any calamity I have experienced has been encountered by most humans and will be again. It is true that every thorn has a rose, and getting through those more testing times has made me certain that…
3. Your friends will be one of the great romances of your life. I spent a lot of my 30s—a lot of my life, to be honest—preoccupied with romantic entanglements and the pursuit of everlasting, undying love. During that time, and the heartbreak I both endured and delivered, I am grateful to have had the luxury of friends I could spill my guts to and vice versa. I was once so heartbroken I had a spontaneous nosebleed in a Mexican restaurant when my friend asked me, “How are you?” The point is: The people who nurse you through the great loves of your life are the great loves of your life! You are not without love.
4. Competition is healthy. Turn jealousy, that most devious of emotions, into motivation.
5. Pobody’s nerfect—including you. Failing at something sucks, but at least you were bold enough to try.
6. Sit out a trend if it doesn’t suit you. I would love to wear low-slung Y2K jeans. Unfortunately, they didn’t suit me then and they don’t suit me now. I have made my peace with this.
7. Men’s socks are far superior to women’s socks. Why do people think women want very short, very thin, weirdly patterned socks like we are nine years old? I now buy all of mine from the men’s department.
8. I forgot to worry about my neck. Even though I read Nora Ephron explain she forgot to moisturize her neck when I was in my 20s, I have in fact forgotten to moisturize mine and it now features crevices I can’t fix. A friend of mine sings, “The neck is a part of the face,” as he moisturizes. You should too.
9. If you are experiencing abnormal menstrual pain, go to the doctor. If the doctor doesn’t believe you, go to the doctor again. It is a shame we have to advocate for ourselves in this way but gender disparity still plagues our medical system and women’s health is woefully under-researched. You know your body, please keep seeking answers.
10. There is a well-soiled microphone in some corner of New York that knows, as I now do, that Spice Girls are a terrible karaoke choice. Even though “Wannabe” feels like it falls within the parameters of what makes a good karaoke song, trust me when I tell you in practice it will devolve into a shrieking sonic hell that will make everyone realize it’s home time.
11. Instead, choose “Breakdown” by Tom Petty. Slinky, sexy, loud and, most importantly, very short.
12. Repeat after me: “I will not do anything drastic to my hair after a break-up.”
13. New accessories can revolutionize a tired wardrobe. Bored of your coat? Tie a belt or a scarf around it. Sick of your shoes? Consider a weird color sock—red, white, or ribbed grey are my favorites. Boring shirt? What does it look like with a turtleneck under it or teamed with a nice bra and barely done up? Dull sweater? Add a brooch or anything else a magpie might enjoy, such as thrifted, ridiculous clip-on earrings. In the same way you can strong-arm pasta into tasting delicious by slathering it in cheese, never overlook the power of a well-applied accessory.
14. I used to live in fear of seeming stupid if I didn’t know something. One of the most rewarding things I have come to know is that nothing bad happens if you say, “I don’t understand what you mean.”
15. Nobody wants to hear about the dream you just had.
16. I’m never not looking for perfect jeans. It is a lifelong quest. So far, my favorites are vintage Levis 517s and I pounce on them every time a pair materializes.
17. I’m aware the Wrong Shoe Theory has become a thing and I think my version of it has been to wear flats with fancy dresses and heels with menswear.
18. The perfect cocktail is Maker’s Mark bourbon on ice with a dash of apple juice. I obnoxiously call this concoction an Alexa. (Also see: point 2.)
19. Your cringiest experiences will become your funniest stories.
20. Moths will inevitably savage your knitwear. Think of your cashmere as something you’re just borrowing from them and enjoy it while you can. It is a moth’s world—we just live in it.
21. Thou shalt not drunk text.
22. Please, can somebody come up with one shoe-size chart for the entire globe to adhere to? I think it would greatly lower emissions from all the returns people make based on the weird conversion lie-charts websites have.
23. How you decorate your home is up to you, and social media trends are an expensive trap. You have your best taste.
24. Nobody ever knows the lyrics to “Auld Lang Syne,” so here’s one to remember (plus, it’s a beautiful meditation on honuring times and friends gone by, and welcoming the future): “We two have paddled in the stream/From morning sun till dine/But seas between us broad have roared/Since auld lang syne.”
25. Only play “Hey Jude” at a party if you want it to end because there’s nowhere left to go after that.
26. Cottage cheese with pickles and hot sauce is delicious.
27. I regret remaining in a cat eye for as long as I did. I spent my 20s in heavy black eyeliner at a time when I needed the least amount of make-up on my face. It’s also not true that your looks decline as you age; I personally think I peaked around 31 (which is crazy because I’m 22).
28. Always send a thank you card.
29. Probably obvious but you don’t have to use make-up as it was intended—i.e., lipstick for blusher, lip balm for a glossy lid, etc.
30. Never, ever smoke. Don’t even think about it. Just literally never even try one because it is fully not worth it. I wish I could go back in time and never have a cigarette. Except in Paris.
31. All young people are beautiful. My mother used to tell me this and I didn’t understand what she meant, but now I frequently find myself smiling at young people on the Tube just because I am struck by the loveliness of youth.
32. If someone isn’t texting back it’s not because they’re playing it cool, they haven’t run out of battery, they didn’t maybe leave their phone somewhere… It’s because they’re not interested. Sorry. The good news is this person isn’t for you and you’ve dodged a bullet and I promise the right one will turn up.
33. And another point on etiquette—I hate being late for things, and also think it’s rude when others are late for you. Someone once said (it might’ve been me): “I measure disrespect in minutes.” I acknowledge this is an extreme opinion.
34. If the bottom of your jeans become too narrow/wide for whatever’s fashionable, cut them into shorts.
35. When we were younger my friends and I had a mantra we would repeat in case of a run-in with an ex: “Happy, pretty, busy.”
36. If I’m staying somewhere strange and want to make it feel like home, I hang my dresses on the walls like paintings.
37. If I had to choose, I would invest in good shoes over any other wardrobe item.
38. Baz Luhrmann was right: always wear sunscreen.
39. If you ever find yourself in America for Christmas, remember: they don’t have Christmas crackers. Disappointing.
40. My FOMO is slowly transforming into FOGO (Fear of Going Out) and I didn’t see that one coming. Some days I feel 80, some days I feel 18. Life is relentlessly messy and fun and mortifying and hopeful—so be kind, be honest and, above all, don’t let the patriarchy get you into a spiral about turning 40.