It’s 12 p.m. in a west London hotel and Luann de Lesseps, otherwise known as the Countess, is wearing a Jovani blazer smothered in glinting, multicolored jewels. She smells like sweet perfume, with faint undertones of champagne, and on her head balances a towering and slightly jaunty Philip Treacy hat that makes her look even taller than her usual 5’ 10”. She gets out her phone, trying to find a photo of the guy she’s been dating, her manicured nails tap tapping on the screen, before her assistant gently interjects. We’ve only got so much time, he says. After which she has to attend other engagements—including a “rebirth” ceremony, which is hard to understand as a concept but from which she will apparently emerge feeling brand new.
To any Real Housewives enthusiasts, Luann needs no introduction. The Countess was an OG cast member on Bravo’s The Real Housewives of New York City from Season 1 through 12, and has become something of a cabaret star and a gay icon in the process. During her 12 years on RHONY, she became known for a few things: incredibly quotable one-liners (“Even Louis Vuitton makes mistakes”), a sort of thick-skinned resilience (one moment she’s navigating an affair, the next she’s clinking wine glasses at a luncheon), and a story arc that not even the greatest TV writers could have come up with (two very different marriages, one book on etiquette and one escape from handcuffs after being arrested in Palm Beach wearing nothing but a floral sundress). If this newer wave of housewives tries very hard to bring the drama for the cameras, Luann always tried—and failed spectacularly—to contain it, which has only worked to bolster her camp appeal.
She’s also known for being a deft hand when it comes to meeting men (“Am I the Kim Cattrall of the family, or what?”). Whether she’s seducing 20-something pirates on Caribbean islands (a Season 5 storyline that she still sort of denies), or marrying and then divorcing a New York bachelor within the space of seven months, Luann’s romantic life has consisted of many chapters, each one more interesting and colorful than the last. To that end—and following the news that the reality star is soon set to appear on Bravo’s first-ever dating show, Love Hotel—I caught up with Luann so that she could break down her ultimate dating tips for Vogue. Here’s what she had to say:
You can meet someone anywhere
“I used to get love notes at the gas station. You could get an espresso, a panini… or a lover. [But also] at any five-star restaurant, especially if there’s a beautiful bar. Or the home goods sections—we have Bed, Bath Beyond. There are guys in there buying toasters. Embassy parties are also a great place because you have foreign men. I married Tom [D’Agostino], who was American, but that was unusual… and he was unusual!”
After the interview, we leave the hotel room and there’s a young man sitting in the corridor. “What are you doing down there?” she asks, towering over him. “Handsome!” She turns to me: “See? I told you you could meet someone anywhere.”
Don’t be a wallflower
“It’s all about flirting. It’s all about letting somebody know that you’re attracted to them, right? Say you’re out with your girlfriends and there’s a guy at the bar who’s good-looking and you fancy him, etc. He’s not going to walk up to the table where there are three women—he won’t do that. A woman invites men, like the queen—rest in peace, darling—and the same goes for men, if you like him. You give a note to the waiter [to pass along]: Come join us for a drink. How chic is that? Do we have time to waste, really? If you like somebody, [let] them know. Give them a Valentine’s Day card.”
Pay attention to red flags
“[One red flag to look out for is] unhappiness with the self. Your gut instinct tells you when to run, to hide, to come, to go. It’s a dangerous place, between your ears. You want to work from your instinct. I like smell, and skin is very important.
Green flags are kindness—the person has to be kind. I married the Count [Alexandre de Lesseps] after two weeks. I wish everyone could have that magic experience of meeting the love of their life. So you know when you know. It’s not calculated, it just happens when it happens.”
Manifest, manifest, manifest
“You have to know what you want. I say to my niece: ‘It’s time to aim at the bullseye. Don’t throw darts everywhere; aim and know what you want, so that you can make it happen.’ We write our own story, nobody writes it for us. You have to make it happen and use the moment. Don’t be afraid. Take a chance; if you’re not scared, you’re not living.”
Be careful about dating people you work with
“I dated my agent at a certain point in LA, and I knew it probably wasn’t a good idea. Together we were amazing—he built my cabaret career. But then he’d get choosy about people he dealt with; it wasn’t good for business, for me. So it’s a very fine line. It’s very tricky. But say you’re an interior decorator and I’m an artist; that could work out very well. Those marriages can be fantastic. But, you know, I separated the Housewives from my life, because otherwise it’d have killed me.”
Pay attention to their shoes
“If a man has time for his shoes, he has time for a lot of things. Shoes are really important to me… and dental health! A smile and the eyes are really important. You can tell a lot about a person from their eyes.”
Know the difference between “fun” and marriage material
“Marriage material is somebody who’s got your back, someone you know is going to be there for you no matter what. And, of course, someone who can take care of his life but not necessarily yours, because you’ve got to make it on your own. My mother taught me as a young girl that you always have to take care of yourself so that you don’t have to fall on anybody else. But you want somebody who can maintain a nice lifestyle, one that you’re accustomed to. Are we going to lower ourselves?”
There can only be one peacock
“I don’t want anyone that’s going to fight me for the mirror. There can only be one peacock, and that’s me. [You don’t need] somebody who’s going to outshine you, who’s not the wind beneath your wings. People know who I am, sure, but heterosexual guys? Not really—unless they’re married. My fan base is 80% women and 20% the boys. All my lyrics are about empowering women and being the best version of yourself that you can be. So it’s all about that.”
Later, she spots a ceramic tray in the hotel room that reads something along the lines of “vis ta meilleure vie,” French for “live your best life.” “I’ll be taking that,” she says.
It gets better with age
“I always ask people this: If you didn’t know how old you were, how old would you think you are? I’m in my 20s right now. I’m living my best life in my 50s. So I want women to know that you finally get into the driver’s seat, like: this is what I want, this is what I do, this is what I like and what I don’t like. I’m very particular, and only now do I know that. It took me until my 50s to celebrate that.”
Tickets to Countess Luann’s 2025 tour can be found here.