After a painful breakup, 28-year-old Mikaela Wild, a social media content strategist in Los Angeles, sat on her couch, phone in hand. Wary of bombarding a friend and without a therapist to consult, she opened ChatGPT and plugged in a summary of her three-year relationship, concluding with the question, “Why didn’t things work out?”
What followed were several exchanges in which she processed her relationship not with a human, but with artificial intelligence.
Wild isn’t alone. Whether they’re crafting emotionally intelligent texts, roleplaying tough conversations, or providing advice in moments of uncertainty, chatbots like ChatGPT, Replika, and Gemini are playing an increasingly prominent role in the way people navigate their romantic lives. And so, a question emerges: What happens to love, intimacy, and emotional growth when our most vulnerable moments are processed with machines?
Orange County-based dating and relationship coach Kimberly Rae says she’s seeing a noticeable shift in how clients seek guidance. “I have conversations with clients every day about AI, and how they re using it for their dating profiles or to draft a ‘Hey, this isn t working’ text.”
While Rae believes that AI can be a useful tool, she warns that it can also stymie true intimacy. “At a certain point it can become a crutch, because it takes away your real voice and your authenticity,” she says. “Relationships are built on raw, in-the-moment exchanges, not perfectly curated dialogue. And the more we polish our words, we re just gonna risk more emotional distance.”
A 2024 survey by Wingmate—the AI-powered dating assistant—found that 41% of young adults have used AI to initiate a breakup, with women being slightly more likely than men to utilize the tool. Additionally, 57% of young adults said they d trust AI over a friend for relationship and dating advice. Whether it’s for scripting texts, decoding mixed signals, or simulating closure, AI is fast becoming the preferred confidant of a whole generation of daters.
When 33-year-old Nicole Matteson, an inside sales representative in Bend, Oregon, went through a breakup in June, she deliberately avoided going to close friends for advice, thinking their feedback would be biased. Instead, she went to ChatGPT, which she says helped her to reframe the situation and recognize behavioral patterns, attachment styles, and dynamics she had not previously considered. ”If my ex and I were having a random argument or if I felt I misunderstood something, I would take that information, put it into ChatGPT, and be like, ‘Help me break this down.’” In response, she says that ChatGPT gave her a logical, nuanced perspective on a situation that had confused her. “I feel like it s helped me understand myself a lot more, which in turn has helped me to communicate more effectively,” says Matteson.
While AI can offer immediate comfort and even helpful language during emotionally charged moments, experts do not advise using it as a replacement for human connection or professional support. “An AI model doesn t necessarily understand your past, your flaws, or have the capacity to really understand complex dynamics in a way that a therapist who has worked in complex dynamics for years can,” says Dr. Judith Joseph, a New York City-based psychiatrist and the author of High Functioning. Relying solely on AI for relationship advice or emotional processing can lead to oversimplified solutions, reinforce existing biases, or bypass the deeper introspection needed for real growth. “You run the risk of not having the best information and potentially using that information in ways that could harm your already fragile relationships,” Dr. Joseph says.
Therapists and trained relationship professionals can challenge your thinking and hold you accountable in ways that algorithms simply can’t. As AI becomes more sophisticated and accessible, the temptation to outsource emotional labor grows—but true healing and relational maturity still require the messiness of human interaction. “Usually, interpersonal issues are two-sided, so if the algorithm is only getting your side and not the perspective of the other person, you re likely not giving the full picture—and you re not doing yourself the best service,” Dr. Joseph notes.
When 33-year-old Katie Moran, a creativity coach and author in Monmouth County, New Jersey, began feeling uncertain about her relationship, she opened ChatGPT. She had, she says, already exhausted her friends, and she was between therapy sessions. “I first asked it, ‘How can I be a better partner?’” she says. Moran then spent the next hour feeding the AI context: his lack of consistency in communication, her growing anxiety. “It kept telling me it’s not my role to be both partners in the relationship, and made it clear that I shouldn’t have to manage my anxiety with his silence, and that he should check in and give equal effort,” she says. The quote from ChatGPT that stuck with her the most: He expects maximum grace when he gives the bare minimum. The chatbot then asked her a follow-up question: Why would you sacrifice your wellbeing to stay in a relationship? “It was easier to hear from ChatGPT rather than a friend, because of the kind of synthetic patience it had with me,” Moran says. While she ultimately made the decision to leave the relationship on her own, Moran says the experience gave her the language and clarity she needed to face the truth she had been avoiding.
While AI may never replace the wisdom of a trusted friend or the insight of a trained therapist, for many, it’s becoming a useful supplement: a place to organize thoughts, rehearse difficult conversations, or feel less alone in a moment of emotional overwhelm. Used thoughtfully, it can help people pause, reflect, and approach their relationships with more intention. But experts agree it’s most powerful when paired with—not substituted for—human connection. As Moran sees it: “I don t think AI is a replacement for therapy or your community. I feel like it could be like a synthetic bestie.”