Love is a many-splendored thing, especially when you’re gawking at it from the outside. In this column, we’ll be examining the celebrity couples—or, occasionally, animal-kingdom singles—that give us hope for our own romantic futures and trying to learn what we can from their well-documented bonds.
I know this column technically exists to celebrate the joys of Hollywood romance and friendship, but there’s a new protagonist to root for this spring, and she’s straight out of Philadelphia. Her name is Mommy, and she’s a critically endangered Galápagos tortoise who just became a first-time mother to four sweet little hatchlings at the tender age of 97. There’s a father in the picture too—his name is Abrazzo, which I believe is the Spanish word for “hug,” and he’s the Philadelphia Zoo’s other oldest inhabitant, making this the antithesis of an age-gap relationship—but as a currently child-free adult who’s fairly set on having kids late (if at all), I’m choosing to focus solely on Mommy in this moment of her record-breaking matrescence.
Not only is Mommy the oldest first-time mom in her species’ known history, but she’s also a legendary queen in her own right. She’s been deemed “one of the most genetically valuable Galápagos tortoises in the Association of Zoos and Aquariums’ species survival plan,” per the Philadelphia Zoo, with its president and CEO, Jo-Elle Mogerman, adding that “Mommy arrived at the zoo in 1932, meaning anyone that has visited the zoo for the last 92 years has likely seen her. Philadelphia Zoo’s vision is that those hatchlings will be a part of a thriving population of Galápagos tortoises on our healthy planet 100 years from now.”
Listen, do I wholeheartedly love the ecological impact and environmental implications of most zoos? Not particularly. But do I want to see all four of these turtle babies as quickly as I can possibly make it to Philadelphia? Absolutely.
While I don’t necessarily want to wait until I’m 97 to have children, I do sort of envy Mommy’s potentially centuries-long lifespan and ensuing lack of reproductive pressure. I’ve often thought that modern life is simply not set up correctly; at 31, I’m already getting dire-seeming Instagram ads about the importance of freezing my eggs when I don’t think I’ll be ready for kids on a financial or maturity level until I’m at least 40. Sure, not all of that noise is worth planning my life goals around, but when I imagine being a famous Galápagos tortoise—chilling in a pond, snacking on tall grasses, eventually getting around to family planning when I’m 85 or so and the mood strikes me—I can’t help feeling searingly jealous of Mommy.
With that I say, mazel tov, babe! Many happy returns to you and the fam!
