In a serendipitous commemoration of me officially reaching my L.A. equinox (a.k.a. living here for one full year), Erewhon—the official meeting spot for hippie-adjacent celebrities, wealthy teenage girls from the Palisades, and visiting onlookers startled by the sky-high grocery prices—has released the holy grail: a brand-new Kendall Jenner celebrity smoothie, clocking in at a very normal (please, read the sarcasm here) $23 for 20 ounces. (Or maybe it s not a mere coincidence; maybe Erewhon read my Hailey Bieber smoothie diary—which is an affordable $19, may I add—and is keeping tabs on me? Honestly, better them than the NSA.)
Jenner s smoothie features GT s Synergy Peach Paradise Raw Kombucha and non-dairy Cocoyo Peach Nectarine Living Coconut Yogurt, making for a potent-sounding probiotic cocktail that, I m not going to lie, I have some digestive questions about. That said, a portion of the proceeds go to Los Angeles s Good Shepherd Shelter for mothers and children impacted by domestic violence, so on a recent Thursday, I told myself the astronomically expensive smoothie was at least partly worth the price and dove in; without further ado, here s everything the Kendall Jenner Peaches Cream smoothie tastes like.
- Wealth (duh, too easy.)
- Sunscreen, but like, really nice bespoke sunscreen you can only get at, funnily enough, Erewhon.
- Vanilla.
- Beach salt.
- Waking up on a Sunday, thinking it s Monday, starting to get dressed, then getting to go blissfully back to sleep.
- The absolute freedom of driving home after swimming laps at a public pool in Texas with the windows down and the Chicks on the radio.
- Vacation (conceptual.)
- Vacation (literal.)
- Aloe vera?
- The cool girl from high school who sat by the window and daydreamed throughout Algebra II smiling at you that one single time.
- The height of summer produce season at the Minnesota State Fair.
- Sulfate-free coconut shampoo.
- The mystical, frequently-invoked concept of “good vibes.”
- Lactose (which is weird, since the smoothie is vegan.)
- Bellinis at sunset.
- Mortality (and crushing yet life-affirming awareness thereof)
- Dannon Light Fit peach yogurt.
