In 1948, Vogue published its 658-page Book of Etiquette, compiled by editor Millicent Fenwick, featuring how-tos, dos and don’ts, and the proper politesse for a remarkably varied set of scenarios. But as Fenwick writes in the introduction: “Etiquette is based on tradition, and yet it can change.” Some 75 years later, Oh, Behave! is a new monthly Vogue column in which experts sound off on today’s ever-evolving social etiquette.
Whether it’s the catwalk or the runway, New York or Milan, a legendary maison’s couture show at the Grand Palais, or an abandoned warehouse presentation of a downtown designer on the rise, the rules of fashion week remain. But what are these rules, exactly? They’re unwritten, and typically only understood and acquired by fashion industry insiders after many years of showgoing and presentation-hopping—until now.
In this month’s edition of Oh Behave, Vogue dedicates the column to all things fashion week. Can you cut the line at check-in? Can you steal a front-row seat if it’s vacant? Can you bring a pet to the front row? Lynn Yaeger, a long-time fashion show reviewer, Vogue contributor, street style darling, and international fashion week fixture, weighs in. So, too, does Beka Gvishiani, the behind-the-scenes operator of the Instagram account Style Not Com (named in honor of Style.com—IYKYK) which chronicles fashion week happenings in real time through his signature blue-box posts. Their thoughts on how to behave at fashion week, below.
Vogue: Can you ever ask to attend a show you’re not invited to?
Yaeger: Of course you can ask! Because, especially when you’re first starting out, no one knows who you are—you have to ask for everything. It s totally fine. Why wouldn t it be? Too proud?
Gvishiani: When I launched my page, I had to request basically 90% of my show invites. But these days, I’m super lucky. I’m honored and privileged that mostly the invitations come before I request them. It may change one day, but so far, it’s good.
Can you ever use your boss’ invitation?
Yaeger: You have to tell somebody. You could say, “I have Nicole [Phelps’s] ticket, because she can’t make it.” It’s better to tell.
Should you wear the designer to a show as a sign of support?
Yaeger: Well, that would mean that you had those clothes, right? In an ideal world, yes. There are people who change in between every show and I’ve always had a sort of twisted admiration for them. But, basically, I’m working; it’s hard for me to remember this, but the show is not about me. I will wear Comme des Garçons and Simone Rocha because those are my designers—but honestly, it’s not an option for me.
Gvishiani: If I have something that I really love—whether I bought it myself, or even if it was gifted—I always try to wear it. Years ago, when I was going to my first-ever Prada show, I bought those loafers that everyone has, with the triangle logo in front. Now I have a tradition that, until the shoes last, I’m going to wear them to every Prada show. It’s kind of the respect that you really like a brand, you’re not just going to the show, you’re wearing the brand.
Can you decline a look if a brand wants to dress you for the show?
Gvishiani: Honestly, 99% of the time I won’t accept. I’ll say thanks but that I will go with my own clothes because I don’t have time to change. I don’t want to feel pressured to think about my outfit. And mostly they understand and they never push.
Should you change outfits between shows?
Yaeger: No, I’m not an influencer. That’s for a silly person. That’s not for a grown-up. No, no. Silly!
Gvishiani: If it’s summer and I’m sweating or just feeling uncomfortable, I might go home and change, but not on purpose to look different at other shows.
Do you wear comfortable shoes during fashion week?
Yaeger: I always wear comfortable shoes no matter what week it is. I don’t have any uncomfortable shoes.
Gvishiani: I’m known as the shadow ambassador of Birkenstock, because that’s the only thing I wear because comfort comes first. I love beautiful shoes but it’s comfort all the way, especially in the middle of fashion week. I just do not care how I look.
How late is it too late to turn up to a show?
Yaeger: You should try to be on time but there are always unforeseen circumstances. One time, this is a long story, we were in London and somebody won a contest to go to a fashion show with a Vogue editor or something. So Sally [Singer] and I took this high school girl to the Erdem show and I put the wrong address in the Uber and we ended up miles away and missed the show. So instead, we took the girl backstage because we had to give her some experience, you know? And, of course, all the models are standing around with no clothes on backstage. But then Sally pleaded with the Burberry show and we did get her into the Burberry show. Anyway, that really happened. What’s the next question?
Gvishiani: Celebrities these days are obsessed with the haute couture fashion week and they are always really late, like 60, 65, 70 minutes. I overheard a fun conversation at the last couture week, one of the celebs was so late to a show that the owner of the brand was like “who is she? [to do that]”. It’s funny but it’s kind of tragic at the same time because the brand actually paid money and this celeb did not respect it enough to arrive on time—70 minutes late is too much! At this point, I feel like brands should start the show and not wait for anyone.
Can you move seats if there’s a better, vacant one available?
Yaeger: Do you want a funny story? Many, many years ago. Mickey Boardman and I were at a show and we sort of didn’t have good seats. There were two seats in the front row that weren’t taken, and the clock was ticking, and we thought that no one was going to come and take those seats. It wasn’t like the PR ushered us into those seats, as they sometimes do. So we just thought, Oh, we can probably sit there. Nobody’s coming. The lights are going down. And just as the lights were dimming, Grace [Coddington] and Anna [Wintour] walk in. So we scurried out of those seats! So can you take your boss’s invitation? Only if only if you tell the PR!
Gvishiani: No, it’s my rule. One time, a PR moved me and the guest arrived and I was in a super awkward situation. This guest thought that I took their place. I went back to my seat and it was already occupied by someone else. It really creates an awkward moment. You have to double check with the PR—if it’s really an empty seat, then it’s okay.
Can you give away an invitation if you’re unable to attend?
Yaeger: Depends on the show. If it’s like some kids that are starting out, you should tell the person you gave the invitation to tell the person at the door. But if it’s a big show, if it’s Michael Kors for instance—that was such a crazy door last season in New York!—he needs that seat for somebody else. He needs that seat for a real person. So in general, no.
Gvishiani: A few times I’ve asked a friend to go because physically I could not make it to the show. But I always email the PR in advance.
Can you bring a pet or a kid to a fashion show?
Yaeger: Well, people do both. Obviously, the kid has to sit on your lap or something. A pet, I m not sure. Seems like the sort of thing someone would do in London, doesn’t it? It depends on the show. If it’s a cute little hipster show in the East Village with hipster kids, you’re probably fine. I don’t think Hillary [Taymour] at Collina Strada is going to get mad if you bring a pussycat. She might kill me for saying that.
Gvishiani: I think pets are quite welcomed. It’s always nice to see them at the shows. I’ve also been next to the kids at shows; some of them have been really well behaved and they watch shows like professional editors, but some started to cry. Maybe if I had a kid myself, I would think differently, but I would avoid it if it’s not a fun show that I know is going to be fun for the kid.
Should you introduce yourself to the people seated to your left and right?
Yaeger: Depends on if they look nice or if they look kind of snobby.
Gvishiani: I’ve also been lucky because I always wear my blue cap, lots of people understand who I am and they start conversations with me. It’s a really great icebreaker because generally I’m super shy to make the first step. Sometimes some people may think I’m rude or I’m ignoring them, but it’s the opposite.
Are you obligated to have a conversation with fellow showgoers before the show starts?
Yaeger: I mean, it’s like seeing someone on a commuter train, you kind of have to talk to them even if you don’t want to. You’re making me dread the whole experience and it hasn’t even started yet!
Gvishiani: I mean, you can always exchange a word or two! Sometimes I’m so tired, I put in my AirPods as a sign that I’m in my zone, but then we’re also a community and sometimes you just have to handle it for 10 or 12 minutes.
Can you bother a celebrity at a show? Ask for a selfie?
Yaeger: Absolutely not. My dad was a stagehand in television and a theatrical stagehand. He was around famous people all the time. He said, you never bother those people.
Gvishiani: This is what my friends ask me all the time! It really depends on the situation. I get more excited about someone who is more like a fashion insider—a model or an editor who is my fashion idol rather than a big celebrity.
How do you balance capturing content vs. taking it in with your own eyes?
Yaeger: I don’t understand the question.
Gvishiani: In my editorial content, I try to have a first look and a finale of the show, but in between, I really try just to see with my eyes—maybe it’s the last time you’ll witness such a moment or such a thing, some shows are really special.
If a show is requesting no photos, taking them is verboten, right?
Yaeger: I’m very pre-internet. I don’t take photos. No pictures, words.
Gvishiani: The last show The Row had in Paris asked us not to make any content, just enjoy. And I really enjoyed it so much. To watch just with my eyes and just for my pleasure.
Can you give a bad review?
Yaeger: Oh, that’s such a hard question. You can, but you should err on the side of generosity and you should realize how hard people work and how much it means to them—there’s a lot of feeling involved. You should not be cavalier about this. You should be very sensitive and as supportive as you can be. I’m serious. I used to be much rougher when I was at The Village Voice and I realized, you know the reader really enjoys it, but the designer can be devastated. So I learned my lesson.
Gvishiani: My content is very factual and I like to speak between the lines. People who know me can understand my position on things based on punctuation marks, my commas. I worked backstage and behind the scenes of the industry myself for 10 years in Georgia and I know what it takes to do a collection. I’d rather not shame someone and there is no way that you cannot find something positive. But in my content, I’ll show you the facts and I ll let you decide what you think, if it was good or bad.
Can you critique the collection with your seatmate in real time?
Yaeger: I’m a very bad girl with that—people want me to shut up. I also make faces and people say, “People can see you make faces. Please stop making those faces!” This is bad, bad behavior on my part. I’ve been known to turn to Mark [Holgate] and say, because I don’t even trust myself, “This is fabulous, right?”
Gvishiani: It usually happens after the show, but there have been many cases that I make eye contact with someone who is sitting opposite me—it’s sometimes fun to share it live because it’s pure of-the-moment emotion.
Should you always applaud the finale?
Yaeger: Yes, of course.
Gvishiani: Yes, always. I have a really loud clap. Some people have even said, “Oh my God, how do you generate this sound?”
Can you eat during a fashion show?
Yaeger: You should not. I mean, maybe you can have a drink? Once I was absolutely starving and had a bag of potato chips before Joseph Altuzarra started. It was at night. I didn’t eat all day, but I was chomping on these chips and I just thought, Okay, this is not so chic.
Gvishiani: I never eat during the show, sometimes, I will try to eat super quickly right before the show—a chocolate or drink a cola just like to keep awake, just to have the energy to watch the show—but never during the show.
Can you skip a show without notifying the organizers if you’re going to be late and miss it?
Gvishiani: No, it’s unprofessional for me. Once, I remember I lost my phone and I had been offline for two or three hours, so I could not contact anyone, but I will use all the possible options to notify that I’m not coming.
So the only time it’s okay to not notify is if you’re missing a phone?
Gvishiani: Yes, or dead.
Can you complain about your seat to the fashion show PR?
Yaeger: Yes. I have done that and I’ve always been ashamed of myself. I’ve done it on a couple of occasions, and then you realize what a jerk you seem like. One time at Comme des Garçons, Simone Rocha did not have a seat. And I said, “Simone, I can’t believe you have standing room!” And she looked at me and she said, “I don’t care, I’m rock and roll!” And I thought that was so fabulous.
Gvishiani: No, I never did. Because I think that they know best where to put me.
Is it ever ok to cut the line at a show if you know the PR?
Yaeger: Yeah, I do that. Plus, I’m old. I’m rude and I cut. I don’t wait in line, I go right to the front and that’s what I do. See, I’m not perfect.
Gvishiani: Again, my cap really helps me. If they see me in my cap and they ask me to move forward, I will.
If you have to give your name to a PR checking-in guests, are you offended?
Yaeger: I’m hurt when people want my name or want me to spell my name. The teenager at the door who doesn’t know you are. Yeah, it hurts, you know?
Gvishiani: The few times I forgot my cap, people don’t always recognize me. Once, I wore another cap, and someone said, “Oh my god, you’re hiding!”
What’s the worst behavior you’ve witnessed at a show?
Yaeger: I don’t even want to tell you. This little kid, like a four-year-old, took a peepee on the floor. But you don’t wanna put that in, do you?
Gvishiani: Once I was seated and stood up to talk to someone and suddenly someone else jumped in my seat. He did not even look at me when I was talking to him, to explain it was my seat, so it was rude. The PR then came up to me to say, “Welcome to fashion!”
What makes for a good fashion week-goer?
Yaeger: If they’re on time and they don’t steal seats. They don’t cut the line like I do. If you’re doing like a zillion shows in a day, just sort of trying to stay even-tempered—it can be harder than it sounds.
What’s a no-no for fashion week-goers?
Gvishiani: If someone is invited to the show and not taking care about sitting in the front row—just looking at their phone. For many people, it’s a big dream to be there. Like, you got the privilege and you maybe even got paid to be there, you can take five minutes to at least pretend to watch the show! Or running out super early—but we never know, maybe someone died and they just found out.
What’s a no-no for fashion show organizers?
Yaeger: Not to show a hundred looks—we’ll get the idea. A show that’s too long is a show that’s too long. A very disorganized door—on the part of the PR which sometimes is deliberate because they think the chaos seems kind of cool. It’s not cool. Horrifically late starts because then the next show is all screwed up and the whole day is screwed up. Very naughty behavior.
Gvishiani: Air conditioning! Oh my god, this is the subject that I will always call out every designer on. When you are a brand with multi-billion or even multi-million dollars, you can afford not to freeze us or not to melt us. This is really annoying. Rather than a fancy invite, send us a digital invite and give us good AC, please.
Subway or taxi?
Yaeger: Subway’s way faster, but you know, I always want a car.
Gvishiani: In New York, I don’t really know the subway. I’ve only been twice but this time I will try.
If a street style photographer seems like they want to take your photos, do you stop?
Yaeger: Yes, I’m flattered and I’m happy to have my picture taken. Yes.
Do you ask where the photos end up?
Yaeger: No and, in fact, I never see all these photos that people take. I don t know where they end up.
When do you eat during fashion week? Do you make a point to stop for lunch?
Yaeger: I try to force my colleagues to stop for lunch but sometimes they don’t. Usually, when I get home, if I’m writing, I’ll just get takeout. I don’t find a fashion week dinner during fashion week the greatest thing ever. But I mean, let s think back to those Joseph Altuzarra potato chips—it’s bad planning on my part.
Gvishiani: Last London Fashion Week, I made a list of my favorite restaurants and a few days before fashion week, I just made reservations to all of them for lunch. And if I make it, I make it. It’s always good to have the reservation.
Do you carry a bag? And if so, what’s in it?
Yaeger: You know, I was just thinking about this oddly enough because I bought this Donald Duck Gucci bag from the Alessandro [Michele] period on The RealReal. And I’m not sure I like it. I always want a new fashion week bag. Do I want it to be the Donald Duck bag or do I want it to be an old Balenciaga or do we want to try to buy something else? I’ve been struggling with this, okay?
Gvishiani: I always carry a small bag, especially if I’m moving by taxi. They fit my AirPods, a charger, and my glasses, because my eyes get really dry after so much use of the screen. Maybe Tic Tacs and maybe a bar of chocolate for a super emergency situation.
