I’m about to admit something shocking: Despite the fact that I’ve seen every episode of Sex and the City—and And Just Like That—more times than I can possibly count, I’ve never actually seen the second film in the franchise, in which the girls decamp to Abu Dhabi. Today, I decided to find out what I had (or indeed had not!) been missing. Let’s dive in, shall we?
- The strains of “Empire State of Mind” remind us that we are in New York, and it is the late aughts!
- Hold the damn phone. Liza Minnelli is in this movie?
- Not SJP playing the ’80s version of Carrie, perm and all!
- Hi, Charlotte! And look at Miranda’s weird little haircut!
- Okay, I did not realize we get little origin stories for the girls in this movie, i.e. Sam and Carrie meeting when Sam was bartending at CBGB. Am I actually going to like this movie?
- Stanford and Anthony are getting married, because...when there are two gay guys, they have to get married, right?
- OMG, it’s Big! Being lightly homophobic!
- I can’t believe Carrie is showing up at her supposed BFF’s wedding with the most limp crimped hair I’ve ever seen.
- It’s my boy Harry Goldenblatt!
- “So you’re allowed to cheat because you’re gay?” “No, because I’m Italian!” is a solid line, I have to admit.
- Ah, the middle of a wedding: a great time to discuss the institution of marriage and its various complexities.
- I love that even on Stanford’s wedding day, it’s all about Carrie being identified by Big’s last name (You’re married! Get over it!) and how she looks in her hat. Get more gay friends, Stanford!
- OMG, it really is Liza, a.k.a. Lucille Austero. Spend that casting budget, fam!
- If you’re not watching Liza dance to “Single Ladies” with a squad of Liza impersonators, is it even a 2010 wedding?
- Aw, Miranda and Steve look happy. Enjoy it, kids, because Che Diaz is coming for you.
- Miranda’s having work problems, and Charlotte’s having baby problems, BTW, but I’m not super interested in any of that.
- Hey, Big got cruised!
- God, leave people who don’t want kids alone! There are plenty of kids already!
- They really saddled Samantha with the menopause plotline, huh?
- Jude Law nanny-scandal reference! Everybody drink!
- Okay, we’re back home, with Carrie telling Big: “You knew when you married me I was more Coco Chanel than coq au vin.”
- Aw, Miranda’s weird son won his science fair or something and she wasn’t there to see it because Work.
- OMG, Samantha’s ex-BF Smith (the one she broke up with by iconically telling him, “I love you, but I love me more”) is shooting in Abu Dhabi. I smell a plot device!
- Carrie is bummed because Big’s anniversary gift to her is a flat-screen TV for the bedroom, which...get a clue, Carrie! What is better in the history of the known universe than watching TV in bed?
- Carrie’s still freelancing for Vogue, we learn, so I look forward to seeing her at next week’s pitch meeting.
- The girls and gays are at Smith’s premiere, where we get an iconic Miley Cyrus cameo and Sam scores that invite to the UAE that is, once again, the fulcrum for this commercial of a movie.
- Penélope Cruz cameo!
- God, so much drama over this bedroom TV.
- Samantha swags in with plenty of “chic/sheik” jokes to announce that everyone is being flown to Abu Dhabi on the private plane of the producer she met.
- Sorry, but...is this a press trip? Is Carrie going to disclose it to Vogue? I have questions.
- Oof, Big asks Carrie if he should get an apartment where he can lie around and watch TV two days a week. I still think she should ease up, but she’s understandably mad as the girls head off to Abu Dhabi.
- The hat Carrie is wearing on the plane is big enough to fly them all to the Middle East, just in case you were wondering.
- I’m sorry, is there a bar on this plane?
- The music cues alone in this film are going to kill me.
- Not Samantha’s hormones and creams getting confiscated at the airport!
- Blah, blah, opulent hotel, blah, blah, luxury…you get it.
- Have these New York City dwellers literally never seen someone in a niqab before? These Cosmopolitan swillers aren’t so cosmopolitan, are they?
- Charlotte is upset about the nanny that she just noticed was hot because Samantha pointed it out.
- “I think my butler’s gay” being spoken aloud is really all you need to know about this movie.
- Souk time!
- NOT CARRIE GLIMPSING HER OLD LOVE, AIDAN SHAW, DURING THE MUEZZIN’S CALL TO PRAYER?! I’m suing for emotional distress.
- Camel ride. Literal camel ride.
- Okay, karaoke is the first thing they’ve done that looks fun to me. Horrible song choice, though.
- Carrie’s new book about marriage gets a not-great review in The New Yorker, which leads to the girls agreeing that feminism is still necessary. Cool!
- Aw, Char and Miranda do some cute stressed-mom bonding.
- Oh, shit, Carrie’s at dinner with Aidan. Do we know why he’s randomly in Abu Dhabi? Just on furniture business?
- I’m sorry, Aidan’s boys’ names are “Homer, Wyatt, and Tate”?
- OMG, they kissed!
- Carrie tearfully apologizes to Big over the phone.
- Samantha was (of course) arrested for having sex on the beach, but it’s still all about Carrie’s kiss.
- And just like that, Samantha has to pay for everything that was supposed to be comped. LOL.
- The girls flee Abu Dhabi, with Samantha disrobing because of hot flashes and upsetting almost everyone.
- Samantha hurling condoms at religious Muslim men is...not the best.
- The girls get back, Carrie and Big patch it up, and all the casual racism is forgotten. End of movie!
