My Tinder Date Stole My Tabis, But I’m Having the Last Laugh

Somewhere in Greenwich Village, Michael Patrick King is seething. Not even the man who brought Carrie Bradshaw to screen could have engineered a plot line so ludicrous as that of Lexus, an ascendant knitwear designer with a collection of expensive shoes, and Josh, a man with the moustache of an amateur poet. A tragic encounter played out in TikTok explainers, theirs is a cautionary tale of just how low dating in 2023 can bring you: a tinderbox of good looks and deceit and low-stakes theft and internet melodrama. And all this around an innocuous pair of Tabi-toed Mary-Janes. “It’s ridiculous,” Lexus says. “I just have to laugh.”

The wheres and wherefores of the so-called Tabi Swiper have been rehashed to such an extent over the past 72 hours that it doesn’t quite bear repeating. And yet I’m writing an article and am therefore required to provide context. For the uninitiated, I recommend watching this video and then this video, but here is an abridged version of what 25-year-old Lexus says went down between she and her Tinder date Josh: they swipe right, bump into one another on the street, and begin exchanging messages. They meet for a drink, talk about fashion, and hook up at Lexus’s. He leaves the next morning – taking a pair of her Tabis with him.

By this point, Josh has blocked Lexus (which is strange, but not unusual given the disposable culture of online dating), not long after deleting his number from her phone while pretending to find a Spotify playlist (which is strange and unusual). Encouraged by friends, Lexus recounts her experience on TikTok, hoping to track down the man she believes has stolen her £890 shoes. Within the space of a few hours, the algorithm has beamed her hastily-filmed confessional onto the FYPs of more than 26,000 people, among them Josh, who maintains his innocence and begs Lexus to delete the video.

Lexus then sends Josh an Instagram screenshot of his now-ex-girlfriend wearing the same Mary-Janes. Fast forward to 3am, and he concedes with an “Ight you got me”, and returns the shoes the following day. As many (helpful) commentators have noted, there were perhaps red flags from the offset: the mustache, the nose ring, the Arc’teryx jacket. “I have to be honest, he had a stomach tattoo,” Lexus says. “And that is hot. He gave off this moody, quiet, artsy vibe and that is appealing. It’s funny when people are like, ‘Oh you should have seen all this coming!’ and I’m like ‘Girl, I know you would have been into all that, too’.”

The eager date who does something low-level sinister will be familiar to anyone who has spent time on the apps, but what makes this particular saga so beguiling is just how “online” it feels. It is a crime of passion fired in the coals of High Fashion Twitter. And as overwhelming as becoming an overnight microcelebrity has been for Lexus – not to mention the slut-shaming she has had to deal with in her DMs – it has proven a boon to her fashion brand, Maddi and Danii. “A week ago, I was tossing and turning, thinking ‘How can I get my knitwear to blow up?’ This was the moment I guess.”

Here, Lexus gives the latest on the Tinder Swiper saga, and details her future plans within the fashion industry.

Hi Lexus! How overwhelmed are you feeling post-Tabi gate?

“When it happened I didn’t even cry. People told me that there would be tears, but I just laughed. This is a movie? This is ridiculous! I’m someone who dabbles in a little comedy – my friends think I’m funny – and I’ve learnt to push through traumatic things with humor. At the end of the day, they are just shoes and I would have saved up for a new pair because I am a bad bitch and I need my Tabis. I don’t have a Twitter, which is where this really blew up, but most of what I’ve seen has been supportive. A lot of my friends and random people are in the comments fighting against the misogynists and the slut-shamers.”

Is the New York dating scene as rough as this saga makes it seem?

“Yes. It is rough. To find something serious or real, it takes forever. I feel like it’s gotten worse over the last couple of years. People are like, ‘I’m young and wanna have fun’, and there’s not a lot of serious connection-making. People are dating just to meet a new person every week! They’re not intending for anything to be meaningful. It’s interesting when I get comments like, ‘You just invite anybody over!’, and I’m like, ‘That’s kind of how it is going right now.’ It means these things are bound to happen. You meet someone and realize they’re awful without thinking that would ever happen.”

Most of the discourse I’ve seen has been people arguing about whether Tabis look good or not, so you’ve managed to reignite that beast

“The shoe has been around since the 15th century! It’s not that new! It’s also the way your foot is meant to be in a shoe naturally. People don’t like the style but that’s what makes it so great because it’s polarizing. Whenever you meet someone who has the same affinity for Tabis you’re just like, ‘Oh my god.’ It’s a unicorn. The girls that get it, get it. My close friends are all influencers and they’ve been trying to get me to do the same but I like being private. I don’t need fame. If anything had to be big in my life, I’d want it to be my knitwear brand, Maddi and Danii.”

Can you tell us about the brand?

“I started crocheting and knitting during the pandemic. It was just a hobby at first because I never thought I could be a designer. And then, two years ago, I moved from Chicago to New York to attend Parsons. I studied fashion management and started doing Maddi and Danii on the side. It’s what I feel passionate about and it’s the main thing I want to get off the ground. It had also started to get traction even before *this*.”

The silhouettes are distended and reveal the skin beneath these big cobwebs of yarn. It feels quite grunge. What inspires the look?

“I love how yarn interacts with different senses. I almost feel like I can taste it. But the inspiration comes from all over: movies, art, music, nature, even my own sense of style. Instead of seeing these textiles as something for grandmas, I think, ‘How do we make this sexy, how can I make it hot?’ It’s Y2K cyber girl, it’s Kim Possible. I like to make it feel ‘scrapyard’, too, incorporating shells and resin charms from leftover yarn. You don’t typically see that in knitwear, it gives it an edge.”

How long does it take you to make a typical piece?

“It can take three weeks from start to finish. It’s all handmade, and I use natural fibers from Downtown Yarns because sustainability is really important to me. There’s a lot of trial and error that goes into creating a piece of knitwear and it doesn’t come easy to a lot of people. It just takes so much time and it’s a complex process, which is why so many people have given up on it post-pandemic. It started as a passion project but it’s so funny because a week ago I was tossing and turning about it all. I was in a rut, thinking, ‘How can I make my knitwear blow up?’”

I guess you found the solution! You’re the people’s hero

“That’s the one positive that came out of this! This whole incident speaks to how misogyny works in this world, how men treat women. It is about someone sleeping with me and stealing from me, that dynamic leaves me in a vulnerable position. He knew that he could charm his way into a girl’s bed with a secret, ulterior motive. That might not have been a conscious decision, but it was an unconscious use of his privilege as a man.

He lied to me and gaslit me, he made me feel like I was besmirching his name and ruining his life. And it’s a similar story for women who have gone through much worse. You just constantly think, ‘What did I do to him?’, it’s never about what happened to you. That’s because of the power dynamics that exist between men and women. The same goes for the people online who said that it was all my fault for having casual sex. We all have sex! Be for real. Is that the crime here? Not the robbery?”

I think that’s why this story feels so Sex And The City. What seems like such a ridiculous scenario involving a fashion item, is symptomatic of a much broader dating dynamic

“It’s very telling of how our society views men and women and premarital sexual encounters. Who does the blame fall upon here? The people who came out batting for me were women. The people that came into the comments calling me a ‘ho’ were men, and the women that were agreeing with them? That’s internalized misogyny! I’m glad his ex-girlfriend has stayed anonymous in all of this. I feel really bad for her because she must feel violated, as do I.”

Are your DMs blowing up?

“First of all, Margiela has not reached out to me. I’m like, ‘Yo, who’s on your marketing team. Let’s get a campaign!’ I am going to New York Fashion Week, though. Aritzia and Sandy Liang’s team have reached out. Mostly it’s just people from elementary school, though. So yeah, a few things have been coming out. But look, this is a situation that can happen to anyone. Be safe, I’m learning my lesson. I hope that this can bring growth to my brand and foster a community of small independent designers being seen and recognized. I hope I get Bella Hadid wearing my stuff! That is my goal. I hope everyone knows Maddi and Danii after this.”

I’m sure they will! One final question: Do you think the Tabi theft was premeditated?

“I have been racking my brain about this, because when we first crossed paths, I was wearing my Tabis. I didn’t see him glance down at my shoes but maybe he glanced back? It’s a possibility. On the date he kept talking about how he wanted Tabi boots but I was wearing the Mary-Janes so I never thought anything of it. I want it to not be premeditated because that is sinister! It is dastardly evil! Honestly I’m just surprised he didn’t take my Salomons. I have four pairs, including the Sandy Liang ones. He could have sold those for a lot of money online!”