It seems that someone out there in the world (or in the Hollywood casting milieu, anyway) is listening to my prayers, because Charlie XCX is rumored to be in preliminary negotiations to star on Season 4 of The White Lotus. If there is one thing we know about Mike White, it’s that he loves a stunt-cast (Helena Bonham Carter’s name has also been floated)—but honestly, after watching Charli crush her Saturday Nigh Live guest spot in sketches like “Mean Cute,” I’m more than ready to see her check into the White Lotus Somewhere-in-France. But just what kind of nightmarish guest would she play, I wonder?
Because I’m not content to leave Charli’s HBO usage up to the whims of the White Lotus writers’ room (especially since there, um, isn’t one), below, please find five characters I personally think the pop star should disappear into on Season 4 of The White Lotus:
A French hotel employee
Hearing Charli deliver lines like “Je suis here to turn down votre…eh, how you say, ‘bed’?” in her signature vocal fry would please me greatly.
Someone gay
It’s been said before, but we are not receiving the amount of lesbian and/or bisexual content we deserve on this highly gay series (with the obvious exception of my queen Valentina), and I genuinely think Charli is the perfect person to rectify that…perhaps with Bonham Carter? I’m just spitballing here!
Someone’s bored, much-younger girlfriend with a hidden agenda
Is this kind of a copy-paste of Aimee Lou Wood’s storyline from Season 3? Absolutely, but I can really see Charli as a fun lil’ mistress to a Greek shipping magnate who spends her days getting into trouble around the resort and trying to avoid getting murdered. If the storyline ain’t broke, don’t fix it, right?
Herself
Well, yes, it’s kind of hack to cast Charli as Charli, but I think Mike White could get a lot of fun out of writing onscreen adventures for a young-millennial pop star whose album-of-the-summer went so far as to influence a presidential campaign and who’s now hiding out from the ensuing political fallout in France. Brat is over, long live Brat!
