Between Timothée Chalamet playing Bob Dylan, Angelina Jolie playing Maria Callas, and Paul Mescal and Barry Keoghan apparently on their way to get pudding-bowl haircuts for Sam Mendes’s upcoming Beatles film, those of us who prefer our films drawn from the lives of iconic musicians have a lot to look forward to these days.
Also into the biopic action? Six-time Oscar nominee Amy Adams, who recently told Jimmy Fallon that she’d be 100% down to play Taylor Swift’s legendarily fearsome publicist Tree Paine onscreen, should the opportunity arrive. “If it got me closer to Taylor, then that would be fun,” Adams said.
While there are no public plans for a Swift (or Paine) biopic at the moment, it’s probably only a matter of time, right? To that end, in honor of Swift’s birthday, I’ve taken it upon myself to dream-cast the film; if anyone in Hollywood wants to pay me money for this kind of deranged creative genius, they are welcome to.
Margot Robbie as Taylor Swift
There’s more to this casting choice than just beauty and blondeness, I promise: Robbie proved with Barbie that she’s more than capable of portraying a wholesome, all-American icon, and she and Swift are exactly the same age, which I feel would lend a level of verisimilitude to her performance. Plus, the two women are friends, so Robbie would be able to study Swift’s mannerisms up close.
Sadie Sink as a Young Tree Paine
I don’t know exactly what role a young Tree Paine would play in the Taylor Swift biopic, given she and Swift met as adults, but maybe there’s a flashback sequence or something? That’s a plot twist for the screenwriters to figure out, but I think Sink would play Paine’s steely-eyed, scarlet-haired resolve all too well. (Get it?)
James Van Der Beek as Travis Kelce
Yes, the former Dawson’s Creek star would have to bulk up quite a bit to capture the physique of Swift’s football-star boyfriend, but that’s not so hard to do. Then again, Kelce famously became a bona fide actor himself recently, so maybe he can play himself (with Swift’s hard-won approval, of course).
Donna Kelce as Donna Kelce
Now that Travis Kelce’s mom is officially a movie star of the Hallmark variety, she seems like the logical choice to play herself in a movie about her possible future daughter-in-law’s life. No, Travis and Taylor aren’t engaged yet (as far as we know!), but you know Donna would slay the mother-of-the-groom role.
Johnny Flynn as Joe Alwyn
While Alwyn playing himself is definitely an option, on the off chance he doesn’t want to be associated with the Swift biopic, wouldn’t Emma star Johnny Flynn do nicely? You have to admit the resemblance—plus, he’s a crooner.
Timothée Chalamet as Matty Healy
Does Chalamet have the range to play a chainsmoking British semi-dirtbag? (Don’t @ me, The 1975 superfans!) I think so, but if he can’t pull it off, maybe one of his doppelgangers can.
Alana Hadid as Gigi Hadid
How can you do better, casting-wise, than another member of the Hadid family? Sure, Bella would be great, but Gigi’s older half-sister Alana could well deliver an inspired interpretation of one of Swift’s all-time besties.
Reneé Rapp as Cara Delevingne
These two flaxen-haired celesbians are friends who have also served as Megan Thee Stallion’s de facto bodyguards, so studying Delevingne’s vibe would be a snap for Rapp (no rhyme intended). She‘s already got the accent down.
Florence Pugh as Karlie Kloss
You can’t make a Taylor Swift biopic without casting the frenemy role, and Kloss—who was Swift’s bona-fide bestie before the two underwent a mysterious and painful-seeming friendship breakup—is Taylor-made (hehe) for the part. Does our beloved Florence Pugh have the range to take her on? Of course, especially now that her hair’s grown out. As for the roughtly 10-inch height different between herself and Ms. Kloss? That’s what shoe lifts and good old-fashioned movie magic are for, baby!
