This review includes discussion of sexual assault.
I clocked in for my viewing of the fourth episode of All’s Fair expecting more of the pilot’s froth and ridiculousness—so you can imagine my surprise when I had to confront 40 minutes of Niecy Nash-Betts’s Emerald Greene dealing with the aftermath of sexual assault. In other words, not exactly a fun romp!
That said, I guess it brought some range to the show? Let’s dive in and examine (literally) every thought I had while watching Episode 4 of All’s Fair, shall we?
- Should I get long, talon-like nails for my single era?
- Wait, I’m so obsessed with Emerald’s caviar-shrimp-and-red-wine tableau.
- Oh my God, it’s for a date night with…herself? Even more iconic.
- Aw, I love how much her boys love her.
- If I had three teenage sons, I would also need wine, shrimp, and caviar. Nightly.
- Also, maybe an epidural? Like, daily, for 18 years? Not just for the births?
- Once again, Liberty is in an extremely fab tan suit.
- Kim really serving Kris here!
- Singles party? Oh, Emerald, do you mean…a play party?
- Well, that was a boring cold open, saved only by the grace and brilliance of Niecy Nash-Betts.
- Kim Kardashian saying “This is giving” is certainly on someone’s gay bingo card.
- I don’t have a good feeling about Emerald’s sons’ camping trip.
- Then again, has any onscreen camping trip ever ended well?
- Okay, it’s not a sex party, but Emerald is certainly serving sexy at it.
- Is this show…going to be about legal stuff again at any point?
- Don’t get me wrong, I’m extremely happy to just spend time in Emerald’s world, but I fear we’re quite literally losing the plot a little bit.
- Oh, God, was Emerald roofied?
- I don’t like this.
- I really don’t like this.
- Nash-Betts is such a great actress, but I want better for her than this sexual assault storyline.
- Everyone who’s ever been harmed deserves Glenn Close in their corner, IMO.
- Hey, it’s Jennifer Jason Leigh!
- God, these flashbacks are so weird.
- This lip color is really working on her.
- I’m sorry, how much sexual assault is going to be crammed into this one episode?
- And, yes, what just happened between this married couple onscreen is (at least attempted) assault!
- “I think it’s time for the victimization of men to be recognized.” Oh, I’m laughing!
- Allura’s leather beret is making it hard for me to focus on the gravity of this scene.
- Aw, it’s the fancy widower guy Paula briefly likes in Crazy Ex-Girlfriend.
- Aw, I love these empath teen boys.
- Sarah Paulson absolutely gunning for a villain Emmy.
- “Obese with child.” LOL. Unwilling LOL, but LOL.
- “So, you know, go die or whatever.” LOL again.
- Whoa, the guy who drugged Emerald is dead?
- Oh, God, I feel like one of her sons did it.
- Noooooo.
- Specifically, the one without an alibi who the camera keeps lingering on.
- Well, that was upsetting!
