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The other day I had my regular appointment with a beauty therapist I have seen for 17 years. “Your face looks better than when I first met you,” she said. I am 51. That was not something I had expected to hear, needless to say. Can I really look better now than I did at 34? I haven’t frozen anything. I haven’t filled anything. I certainly have more lines than I did back then, more age spots, more—I don’t even like typing the word!—droop. Surely she can’t be right?
I can date the first time I met Beata Aleksandrowicz so precisely because I had recently split from the man I had grown up alongside. My face, I remember her saying to me as if it were yesterday, was telling her how unhappy I was, how lost. It was a kind of mask, a shield. That’s what faces do. They tell our story. We know that at some level. We know what tired looks like or sick or lovestruck. Or indeed, in my case back then, heartbroken. Yet we have lost sight of the degree to which our faces manifest a more profound narrative: who we are.
Aleksandrowicz’s intensive face massage, so much more than a mere facial, was part of what helped me get my face back. If you get blood to your skin, you deliver oxygen and remove toxins. If you stimulate your lymphatic drainage, you get lift, lift, lift. I am lucky enough to be able to visit her in London, but she offers brilliant online DIY massage classes to women all over the world. (You can get a taste on her Instagram account, @beata_aleksandrowicz).
However, what really gave me my face back was what I did on the inside. In the ensuing years, I have worked so hard to let go of what—and who—doesn’t serve me. And that is what shines out of me now. My emotional resting place, my inner meteorology, used to be a little sad. Now I live in joy—or as close to joy as I can manage! (Let’s be clear, I am still human!) What others see in us more than ever as we age is whether or not our light is switched on. My light’s properly switched on now. So that’s my most important beauty learning. That living your best life will give you your best face. Which is why a lot of my new book, Destination Fabulous: Finding Your Way to the Best You Yet, focuses on manifesting that best life. Don’t worry, though: I have got plenty of less existential beauty tips up my sleeve too! The kind of thing that takes a few minutes rather than 17 years!
To keep your skin in tip-top shape is key, of course, hence all that facial massage. I am also a fan of Carole Maggio’s Facercise facial exercises to deliver more of that aforementioned lift. And I use Alexandra Soveral’s facial brushes to remove dead skin cells and improve circulation. I also swear by the Hayo’u Method’s Jade Beauty Restorer and Precision Tool for my at-home regimen, which I use with Soveral’s all-natural face oils. I have tried dozens of face oils—it’s only oils that have small enough molecules to properly penetrate the dermis and thus feed the skin. Soveral’s are quite simply the best around. Once your skin is glowing—a good diet, plenty of sleep, and a regular exercise regimen help too, of course—then there is far less heavy lifting to do, product-wise. I like to use just a bit of RMS Beauty’s UnCoverup concealer under my eyes and wherever else I need it, plus a dab of its Lip2Cheek cream blush, then let my skin do the talking.
Oh, yes, and my lips. They are positively shouty. I would go as far as to say that my signature bright lippy is one of the key ways I bust the clichés around aging into invisibility. My favorites are MAC’s Relentlessly Red (a pinky red) and Candy Yum-Yum (a hot pink). I wore bright lipstick when I was young too, yet the shades I go for now are just that little bit more full-on, that little bit less classic. I suppose that sums up how my beauty approach has developed more generally as I have grown older. It’s become a bit more “look at me” than when I was younger, and that’s because, I think, I am happier and more confident about that me, despite (because of?!) the inevitable lines. I am happier to be noticed, to be properly seen.
Another route to self-surfacing is to accentuate your eyes with a flash of color instead and keep your lips dialed down. Both Sisley and Chanel do great chubby eye sticks in look-at-me hues like turquoise and gold. I might have worn similar in my 20s when I was going out clubbing but not in the week. Now I will merrily sport a disco eye to the office. (Told you I was more confident.) Not to mention when I am clubbing too. Yes, I still love to dance. Continuing to do the things you love, and maybe finding some new activities to love, is another great beauty tonic in my experience. Is this all sounding a bit too much to you? I promise you that if you keep your skin clean and natural looking and only go for one point of emphasis, it doesn’t. And it really delivers a youthful edge. Still not convinced? If you don’t know it already, take a look at the wonderful age-positive Instagram account @and.bloom. Its 40-something creator Denise Boomkens has styled hundreds of older women to look, well, apart from anything else, as if their age were completely beside the point. And one of the ways she pulls it off is with that same approach to makeup as I have.
“That classic approach to makeup, with foundation and powder, doesn’t work when you are older,” she explains. “It gets into your wrinkles. I think it’s really good to have an accent. A bright lipstick or eyeliner with otherwise natural eye makeup works very well.”
Talking of cliché busting, going gray has turned out to be one of the most visible acts of my life to date. I lost count of how many people warned me not to stop dyeing my hair when I threatened it in my early 40s. I am so glad that I didn’t listen to them. These days I am thrilled—and I have to admit, flabbergasted—to say that I have since lost count of how many strangers, men and women of all ages, have come up to tell me how much they love my grays. I rate the nasties-free Living Proof hair range, since I haven’t had any issues with that chemical-induced yellowish tinge that used to be an occasional problem. What gray hair needs more than anything is as much moisture as possible. My ultimate hero product is the brand’s Intense Moisture Mask in its No Frizz range, which you are supposed to leave in for 5 minutes, but which I leave in for 15.
For curlies like me, the Curl range is also excellent, with different products for different types of curls. I always embraced my natural curls when I was young. Then in my 30s, I got into the habit of having it blow-dried. That was what quote-unquote grown-ups did. I am so much happier now I have gone back to my true texture. I couldn’t care less about appearing grown-up anymore—rather the reverse, in fact! That’s just one of the liberations that come with age.
A less desirable development for me over recent years has been ever more sparse eyebrows. Not anymore. I can’t rave enough about Revitabrow—not the cheapest, but it has given me mine back ($111, revitalash.com). It’s a proper wonder product. Great eyebrows frame your face like nothing else. Thanks to Revitabrow I barely have to use an eyebrow pencil now.
Of course, channeling your true hair texture or going gray or wearing a lipstick shade that gives Barbie a run for her money may not be for everyone. (Though we can all agree on the eyebrows, right?!) That’s fine. The joy of getting older is that you should feel more free than ever to pick and choose what works for you, with your beauty regimen along with everything else.
But if you are looking for gray-spiration in particular—and I hear all the time from women who are on the verge of ditching the dye and want advice, so I know there are a lot of you out there!—check out people like the fashion entrepreneur Linda Rodin, 74 (@lindaandwinks) or (of course) Andie McDowell, 65. The Instagram account of Jack Martin (@jackmartincolorist), a hair colorist who carries out remarkable overnight transformations, is also pretty much guaranteed to make you go for it.
When it comes to gray hair, not to mention everything else, it’s all about the total package. About your other beauty choices. (That lippy!) About what you wear. As fashion director of The Times of London, I love surfacing myself through clothes, and there’s lots about that in Destination Fabulous too. I love to dial up my look with some unexpected detail: perhaps a quirky piece of jewelry, a colorful bag, some metallic shoes—perhaps all three!
Over and above all that, however, it is—once again—about who and how you are. So enjoy!
Anna Murphy is fashion director of The Times of London. Her new book, Destination Fabulous: Finding Your Way to the Best You Yet (Octopus), is out now.
