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Once the thrill and overwhelming splendor of becoming engaged begins to ebb, you’re challenged with the task of moving into wedding planning, and that includes announcing wedding plans at work, even if it’s not the most glamorous of tasks. While you might be bombarded by the pressure to set a date, secure a venue, figure out a guest list, and exclaim “yes” to a dress, it’s essential to turn away from your overbooked personal calendar and tune in to your office responsibilities before getting carried away.
This is a special—and stressful—period, but unfortunately, your employment won’t pause in the wake of color swatches, cake tastings, and scouring flight alerts for your honeymoon. Workplace and career experts stress the importance of being open and frank with your boss about your upcoming nuptials, for the sake of still having a solid workplace once the premarital hoopla has come and gone.
If you’re anxious about this discussion, here are a few solutions for handling the conversation professionally:
Tell Your Boss When You’re Comfortable
Far before you’re presented with a bent knee and ring, you know the few sacred family members and close friends you instinctively call with any great news. Of course, those conversations should be presented in person or on the phone when possible, and definitely before your public social media announcement on Instagram or Facebook (or likely, both). However, there may be a person you see nearly every single day that you forget about in the exciting chaos: your boss.
As industrial-organizational psychology practitioner and workplace expert Amy Cooper Hakim, PhD explains, your employer should be fairly high up on your roll call. “You should tell your employer you are engaged as soon as you feel comfortable doing so. Depending on the office environment, it may be something that you’d like to share right away,” she says. Once you’ve spoken to your boss, feel free to share the wedding announcement with the rest of your colleagues.
Be Clear on Your Commitment to Your Job
If you’re returning from an engagement-moon or a long weekend away, set up a meeting first thing in the morning, prioritizing your manager over colleagues. Keep in mind that this is a conversation that should be in person, so try to avoid discussing this over a phone call.
As you approach this face-to-face update, Cooper Hakim suggests keeping it brief, clear, and direct, along the lines of, “Guess what? I’m engaged!” This tactic appeals to the human side of your boss, who may or may not outwardly express their congratulations with genuine elation. After a slight lean into your personal life, Hakim says to turn the conversation back to work, as a way to reassure him or her of your continued dedication to your role. “An employer might worry about your level of concentration and focus while at work, especially if you have a number of items on your wedding planning to-do list. That is why a frank discussion is so important here,” Hakim explains.
Here is where you can express how much you treasure and value your job, and that you plan to stay as focused as you were before you became engaged. One example might be, “I want you to know that while I do have a lot of preparations to complete before my big day, when I am at work, my focus will be on my daily work tasks and deliverables,” Hakim says.
Also, if you have any information about the wedding date or your honeymoon plans, let him or her in on your bookings in real-time—and in writing. This will reiterate your commitment, while also giving you a paper trail if you ever need it.
Figure Out an Agreeable Wedding Date
Whether you’re planning a romantic elopement or an extravagant destination wedding, several factors go into deciding the date for your special day. That doesn’t mean you should revolve your arrangements around your and your partner’s work life, but it does play a role in figuring out the best time of year for your wedding ceremony. Perhaps you have a very important conference you bought passes for months prior, or maybe your partner has a particularly busy time of year in their field of work. Either way, it’s best to keep these details in mind while booking a wedding venue.
Before sending out those ‘save the dates,’ sit with your boss and discuss the approximate time of year you’re looking to get married. This will offer a chance for you to inquire about any essential future commitments, like a project or collaboration, you may not be aware of. Get a broad scope of what to expect in your work calendar for the following months so it doesn’t interfere with the chaos of your planning.
Be Upfront About the Flexibility You Might Need
If your company and your industry allow it, ask for a bit of leeway during wedding planning from the beginning. Hakim notes there are plenty of ways to phrase this approach without sounding like you’re taking a breather from your responsibilities. This might range from asking to sneak out a bit early to scheduling full days off when your meetings and deadlines are slower, allowing you to focus a full eight hours on wedding planning. Not only do these tactics help you effectively prioritize your obligations at work, but they’ll prevent you from being distracted throughout the day.
If these ideas aren’t compatible with your current schedule, Hakim suggests brainstorming solutions with your manager. “You might work one hour later a few days a week so that you might leave early or come in late one set day a week to complete your wedding tasks. Your boss might prefer for you to just take an extended lunch break instead, on days when you have appointments,” she says. “Ask what is best for the office and workflow, and strive to accommodate your boss’ needs. Consistency is key in the office setting. So, if you are able to determine a way to meet office needs while still meeting your wedding planning needs, then that is ideal.”
Don’t Feel Pressured to Invite Your Boss
While you go through the potential wedding guest list with your partner, you might be deciding whether to invite your boss to the ceremony. You may be planning an incredibly small wedding with only immediate family and the wedding party present, or you could be aiming for a more traditional wedding with many guests from both sides of the aisle. In either case, you shouldn t feel pressured to invite your boss. Just because you’ve gone to an office happy hour or two, doesn’t mean you need to extend an invitation. Only do so if you genuinely want them there and believe it makes sense for the kind of relationship you have with them.
Bottom Line: Remember Your Non-Negotiables
In addition to being present between 9:00 a.m. and 6:00 p.m. while still being forthright about your needs during wedding planning, Hakim says to be mindful of your non-negotiables. As important as your job may be to you, you’re hopefully only walking down the aisle once in your life; you want the experience to be memorable. To have the weekend you always envisioned, you might have to make compromises.
If you need a week before the big day to invite extended family members and friends to town to reconnect, you could postpone the honeymoon until the next calendar year, when your time off renews. Or, if an extended honeymoon is important to you, the concession may be little to no time off before the rehearsal dinner.
However, if you find your boss is truly upset over one of the most celebrated occasions in your life, career expert for Monster.com Vicki Salemi urges you to think about your vow to your company. “A great boss should be happy for you. Although they may assume you’ll have more on your plate personally, they’ll also hopefully realize it’s temporary.” It’s worth taking the time you need to create an event that perfectly celebrates your partnership. Salemi adds, “Planning a wedding isn’t forever, but you intend your marriage to be.”
