Here are two things I do not care for: snakes (I, much like Samuel L Jackson, “have had it” with all forms of serpent-related drama), and being forced to relive the 2016 celebrity news cycle in a way that proves the validity of Einstein’s loop quantum gravity theory. Based on the reaction to the Eras Tour gig in Florida!!! last night, however, the King of Cool and I will just have to find a way to coexist with snakes, literal, metaphorical, and emojified, for the foreseeable.
To be more specific: little-known underground musician Taylor Swift performed in Miami on October 18th, and she wore a bedazzled jumpsuit during the Reputation-themed portion of the show that precipitated much ugly-crying and “clowning” from the less well-adjusted among us. (I have neither the strength nor the word count to explain the latter term, but suffice to say it’s wrapped up in Swiftian lore.) Swift has switched out almost every costume she’s worn on the Eras Tour over the last 131 shows; there have been dozens of Versace bodysuits, hundreds of custom Christian Louboutin boots, and more crystals than a Liberace Garage exhibition, but her Reputation bodysuit has remained a constant. Until this week, that is, when her original red-and-black version was traded out for a gold-and-black Roberto Cavalli design. (Both forms, I regret to report, are positively covered with snakes.)
The Swifties, eternal optimists that they are, have taken this as a sign that Reputation (Taylor’s Version) is finally on its way. The 2017 record was famously released in the wake of Taylor’s feud with various low-key people whose names begin with K, which resulted in the artist being labeled a snake with such virulence that Google Arts Culture felt the need to publish a timeline of serpent iconography dating back to Ancient Mesopotamia. Taylor would go on to reclaim the symbol during her ensuing Reputation Stadium Tour (with help from a giant inflatable cobra named Karyn), while Swifties gave a certain reality TV star a taste of her own mamba by flooding her Instagram comments with serpent emojis.
I don’t wish tears on any of Taylor’s clowns, so I hope she does, in fact, drop Reputation (Taylor’s Version) before the close of 2024. All I ask is that said drop isn’t accompanied by further online trolling in any direction. Otherwise, everybody strap in; I’m about to open some freakin’ windows.