Back in the MTV era, the celebrity experience went something like this: person gets famous, person is hounded by paparazzi, photographs of said person go on sale to the highest tabloid bidder, rinse and repeat. Maybe fans would wait outside hotels and venues for autographs. And maybe there’d be a few stalkers tracking down a house phone number now and then. But mostly being a celebrity was a physical experience, one defined by running from camera flashes and trying not to advertise one’s whereabouts too much.
The ’90s and ’00s were famously not a fun time to be a celeb. But now, it seems, the boundaries between A-listers and fans have been eroded even further. We don’t need paparazzi and tabloids so much when we have our own phones—we can be the paparazzi and the tabloids. And social media means we can find out not only where a celebrity is, but where their family is, too. We can see who they’re friends with, where they’ve been going, and which burger joint they frequent at 3 p.m. when they’re hungover (even if they don’t post, you can bet that somebody near them will have done). Celebrities are under constant surveillance, and if you reach a certain level of fame, your personal life is going to be sacrificed as a result.
This is a life that 26-year-old pop star Chappell Roan isn’t willing to accept for herself. On Friday afternoon she posted on her Instagram: “For the past 10 years I’ve been going non-stop with my project, and it comes to the point that I need to draw lines and set boundaries,” she wrote. “I’ve been in too many non-consensual physical and social interactions, and I just need to lay it out and remind you, women don’t owe you shit.” She then goes on to say that when she is on stage or at a press event she is “at work,” but “[in] any other circumstance, I am not in work mode.” She continues: “Please stop touching me. Please stop being weird to my family and friends… And please: don’t call me Kayleigh.”
Chappell isn’t the first famous person to say some variation of “celebs don’t owe you everything” (in 2016, Justin Bieber stopped doing fan meet-and-greets because he said they made him feel drained and “like a zoo animal”). But she is one of the first to make such an unwavering statement so early on in her career. This time last year, not many people knew the name Chappell Roan. Now, the name’s a household one and you’d recognize her face even out of drag. So she’s nipping the situation in the bud before going any further. In the same way that you might decide, early on, to not reply to work emails out of hours, or to not follow your boss on social media, Chappell is saying that when she is not performing (read: being paid to perform or make a work-related appearance), she needn’t be switched on.
Whichever way you spin it, Chappell’s right: If you’re not being paid to do something, you are under no obligation to do it, regardless of how others might feel about that. Chappell is a pop star, so she chooses to perform shows and do press events. But she’s entitled to have time for herself outside of whatever fans and the media want from her. She’s entitled to have a life that is just for her, without feeling anxious or afraid that those she gets close to will not be afforded privacy. As a famous musician/actor/model, there is no rational reason that your chosen career has to be a Faustian bargain. Chappell is saying: it’s not only possible but a right to have both.
Some people will doubtless read Chappell’s post and think, Well, you chose to become a pop star and therefore need to accept the overstepping that naturally comes with it. But what is it about fame that makes people think they’re entitled to that person’s time and energy? Of course it can feel exhilarating and special when you have an interaction with an artist or public figure that you adore. There’s nothing wrong with that. But just because you enjoy the interaction doesn’t mean that they’re always required to give it to you. None of us want to be on the clock at all times—sometimes we just want to kick back and totally decompress. Sometimes we just want to be invisible.
Chappell kept her comments turned off because what she was expressing wasn’t up for discussion. It was a statement, not a debate. And to those who feel defensive about her statement, she says this: “Baby, that’s you… You gotta look inward and ask yourself, ‘Wait, why am I so upset by this? Why is a girl expressing her fears and boundaries so infuriating?’ That is all. Thank you for reading.”