In 1948, Vogue published its 658-page Book of Etiquette, compiled by editor Millicent Fenwick, featuring how-tos, dos and don’ts, and the proper politesse for a remarkably varied set of scenarios. But as Fenwick writes in the introduction: “Etiquette is based on tradition, and yet it can change.” Some 75 years later, Oh, Behave! is a new monthly Vogue column in which experts sound off on today’s ever-evolving social etiquette.
When it comes to dogs, Jas Leverette and Elias Weiss Friedman speak fluent bark—but they couldn’t be more different in tone. Leverette, the tough-love trainer and breakout star of Canine Intervention, is like the no-nonsense gym coach your terrier never knew he needed. He’s trained the pets of Kevin Hart and Stephen Curry, believes in pack hierarchy, and probably wouldn’t flinch if your Labradoodle lunged mid-zoomie.
On the other end of the leash? Friedman, a.k.a. The Dogist: the New York Times–bestselling photographer who’s made a career out of catching canines at their most dashing. His Instagram is a canine catwalk, and he treats every pup—be it rescue mutt or coiffed show dog—with the reverence of a runway star.
Together, they form the ultimate yin and yang of dog-world etiquette: one believes structure sets you free, the other lets the leash go a little slack (but only for the photo). Together, they tell us everything we need to know about doggy dos and don’ts—from bed privileges to table scraps and more.
Vogue: Can your dog sleep in bed with you?
Leverette: If you treat a dog like a human, they’re gonna treat you like a dog. If you let your dog sleep with you, now you have a dog who’s thinking that he could boss you around and go tell you to make a sandwich whenever he feels like it. Humanizing can cause the dog to perceive you as kind of a pushover. Even with a dog with a mild temperament, why would they trust you when they feel like they could just push you around? It just contributes to dominant behavior and the genetics of the dog. Remember, you can take a dog out of the pack, but you can’t take the pack out of a dog.
The Dogist: Yes, as long as the dog realizes that it’s your bed versus its bed. Though we have a king bed, there’s hardly enough space for two people, even in a king bed. I’ve heard of people sleeping with their Great Danes, which is insane to me.
Should you let your dog lick you on the face?
Leverette: Ew, disgusting. Dogs are gonna be, you know, dogs. They lick very nasty stuff. It’s not like anyone’s really brushing their dog’s teeth or giving them a Listerine swish in their mouth. All in all, a dog can be affectionate without actually licking you with its tongue on your face.
The Dogist: I think there’s nothing wrong with that, if you don’t mind a little dog breath. For my job, if I let dogs lick me in the face, that would end up being a bit gross because I meet 10 new dogs a day. But if that’s a way that you enjoy showing your love to your dog, why not?
Should you host a birthday party for your dog? And should you expect others to celebrate?
Leverette: Why not treat your dog on his birthday? Why not make it a party? A lot of people don’t have kids, and they want to celebrate. It’s a great time to socialize with other dogs, so I don’t see anything wrong with that. I wouldn’t consider this as humanizing them. It’s not like you’re putting the dog in a human position in your household, which would compromise the pack structure, which compromises the psychology and the dynamic of the relationship that you have with your dog.
The Dogist: I think it’s great to celebrate your dog. Although I will say this: It’s a slightly sensitive topic for me because I don’t know my dog’s birthday because she’s a rescue. I have her Gotcha day, which is Cinco de Mayo, actually. But I’ve been meaning to go to a psychic or a pet psychic to figure out what my dog Elsa’s birthday is, so that she can have an actual official birthday.
Must you always ask before bringing your dog to a friend’s house?
Leverette: Definitely. It’s way better to be considerate. Not everybody’s comfortable with dogs. Not everybody appreciates your dog coming over because 99% of dogs aren’t trained, so they’re gonna be doing whatever they feel like. People live with dogs in different kinds of manners. Some people aren’t into the whole on-the-couch and jump-all-over-me and lick-me-on-my-face stuff.
The Dogist: Yes, you don’t know what their dog policy is—whether they have a dog of their own that may be reactive. And some people don’t allow dogs into their house—maybe they have a kid who’s scared of a dog—so it’s just better to give them a heads up.
Is it ever acceptable to fake an emotional support animal certificate just to bring your dog on a flight?
Leverette: Well, you can’t have an emotional support animal anymore. That doesn’t give you the right to fly. What you need to have is a psychiatric service dog, which needs to be prescribed by a doctor. I think many people are just doing what they have to do to avoid paying for a ticket or doggy daycare. I guess it just comes down to a moral and ethics thing, but, you know, if they didn’t make owning a dog so expensive, a lot of people probably wouldn’t fake it.
The Dogist: A lot of people have what I refer to as “Amazon service dogs,” where they’ll buy a certificate or a patch or a harness online. While all dogs are in some way emotionally supportive, it dilutes the meaning of an actual working service dog, for example, a visually impaired or blind person.
Is there any place a dog should be off-limits?
Leverette: I think a well-trained, socialized, and under-control dog with good manners, good impulse control, and good sociability should be able to go most places. There should be a certification that allows your dog to pass a 10-point inspection test to see if they’re suitable for public access. Because dogs are not all created equal. Their training isn’t created equal, and their behavior isn’t created equal. Access should be a privilege, not a right.
The Dogist: I understand why restaurants would not want to have a bunch of dogs near their kitchen—could you imagine getting a piece of dog hair in your salad? Everyone, of course, wants to bring their dog with them everywhere because they’re family, and we love our dogs, but we live in a society where there are some rules. I just went on a book tour, and we couldn’t have everyone bring their dog into an auditorium because it would just be mayhem. As fun as that sounds.
Can your dog be a plus-one at social events?
Leverette: I mean, if it’s a dog event, sure! But if it’s a dinner party, I don’t want to see the dog over there sharing caviar with me. I’m not passing the Grey Poupon to no dog. Or if I’m in a three-piece suit, I don’t want somebody’s golden retriever rubbing all on me and slobbering all on me and messing up my suit. I think it’s just about keeping the dog in its place—like, you know, we’re not at the bar with the kids.
The Dogist: Yes, but give them a heads up that you’ll be bringing your dog. Dogs make incredible plus ones—probably the best date. You can’t ever have a bad date if your date is a dog.
Is it acceptable to feed your dog table scraps?
Leverette: Yes, but not from the table. I don’t want my dog to eat the same boring thing over and over and over—sometimes I might spice it up. But I’ll take out the spices. I’ll rinse it off. I just make sure to do it during feeding time, when the dog is eating, not when I’m eating.
The Dogist: In moderation? Of course, a lot of people would say that you should only feed your dog dog food, but I’m not one to follow that rule. Whenever it’s a steak night, Elsa’s getting a couple of pieces. And, of course, she goes to my wife, Sam, first because she’s the weaker link. I just have to be okay with seeing the expensive pieces of steak going to Elsa.
Are strollers for small dogs adorable or unnecessary?
Leverette: Why does a dog need a stroller? It’s got legs. I mean, if it’s a paraplegic dog, has nerve damage, or breathing issues, maybe. But if the dog has four legs and can bark, it can walk.
The Dogist: I think oftentimes they are very functional, especially if it’s a senior dog that may have trouble walking or going on a long walk, they are totally necessary.
Is it appropriate to refer to yourself as “Mommy” or “Daddy” in casual conversation when talking about your fur baby?
Leverette: I don’t get caught up in that kind of stuff. I get caught up in the misbehavior and the things that contribute to putting society at risk. So when it comes to things that people want to just say to feel good, there’s nothing wrong with that. You can call yourself whatever you want.
The Dogist: Knock yourself out! Your friends may find it annoying or embarrassing, but my wife and I use that terminology. Like Elsa always jumps on Mommy’s side of the bed to keep it warm. Or whenever I’m out photographing a dog and Elsa happens to be there, we have this joke of like, “Hey, that’s my dad—not yours!” She’s the jealous type for sure.
Should your dog have its own Instagram account—or is that a step too far?
Leverette: I don’t see why not. If I enjoy my car, I can take pictures of it. If I enjoy my kids, I could take pictures of them. I like to watch dog stuff online, and people like to see my dog—it has its own fans. There’s nothing wrong with that; that’s not contributing to bad behavior.
The Dogist: I think it’s great because sometimes friends want to follow you for your own personal life; an account dedicated to your dog’s pictures gives a little bit of separation. It is a lot of work, though, so if you’re up to the task, then great. I, of course, manage one for all the dogs, and it is a lot of work, but it’s extremely joyful to me.
If your dog clearly dislikes someone, should you trust its instincts and cut ties?
Leverette: Generally, dogs don’t like people because they’re insecure. So you can’t really take it as your dog is making these judgment calls. I would trust a trained dog more than I would trust an untrained dog, though.
The Dogist: If your dog barks at someone randomly, it’s likely just a sign of being picky or afraid of how they look. Some dogs are afraid of men/me—is it because of my beard or because I’m tall? Or maybe I look like someone who’s spooked them in the past? Dogs can’t express their rationale in words, so we have to take it with a grain of salt, basically.
Do you always need to ask permission before petting someone’s dog?
Leverette: A hundred percent, yes. It’s so rude to assume that you could just pet someone’s dog. You don’t know the history of that dog. You don’t know if it’s scared of. I mean, nobody just walks up and pets you on the head, you know?
The Dogist: I always ask permission and encourage kids who want to pet Elsa to not just ask permission of the owner, but also the dog. It’s always good from a young age to teach kids how to approach a dog—put your hand out and let the dog come to you. Don’t run up to the dog. That’s basically the cardinal rule. Let the dog sniff you out first.
Is it rude to ask someone their dog’s breed? Or if they were a rescue?
Leverette: Is it rude to ask a dog’s breed? No. I think if someone’s that sensitive, that’s kind of weird, right? Some people are just interested. I think some people can be a bit judgmental about the whole rescue dog thing. Not everyone wants to rescue a dog. Especially if you have small children and you want to bring a dog into your household. As a parent, you’re going to be extra careful about the dog’s genetics, the dog’s history, and the dog’s bloodline, right? That could tell you a lot about a dog and the stability of their temperament.
The Dogist: It can be flattering because you re curious about another person’s dog. You shouldn’t shame them if the dog is not a rescue. As long as you are a responsible dog owner and you have nothing but love for your dog, that should be celebrated.
Can you give treats to someone else’s dog without asking first?
Leverette: That right there! You don’t know if that dog has a chicken allergy or this allergy or that allergy. It just comes down to being considerate. At the end of the day, too many people are kind of entitled and think that they know better, or because they love dogs, or because they had a dog that looked like your dog.
The Dogist: Always ask before giving someone’s dog a treat, as the dog might have a sensitive stomach. You don’t want to mess with another person’s dog if their dog is having good poops.
If a dog jumps on you at the park, can you scold it—or must you suffer in silence?
Leverette: If a dog is putting my dog in harm’s way, then I will do what I have to do to keep my dog safe.
The Dogist: I don’t think you should necessarily scold the dog, but you can certainly push the dog off of you. I think that’s entirely within your right to push the dog off of your space gently.
What’s the etiquette for photographing a stranger’s dog?
Leverette: I think for a dog, I don’t think it’s that serious. I mean, if someone’s getting all weird about someone taking a picture of your dog, I think that’s a little over the top. But again, it’s all about being considerate, right?
The Dogist: Nine times out of 10, they’re gonna say yes. And the one person who is maybe in a rush or doesn’t want you to take a picture of their dog, you should respect that. Although it is funny when someone says no. I jokingly think, “Oh, is their dog like in the witness protection agency?” or “Are they on the run, like trying to keep a low profile?” But no dog has ever said no to me!
Should you pretend to care about a friend’s pet—or can you admit you’re not a dog person?
Leverette: Why fake it? I mean, not everybody is into what everybody’s into. You know, like when people start talking a bunch of vegan talk, it’s gonna turn certain people off. I mean, some people are into dominatrixes and all that! Not everybody’s into that!
The Dogist: I understand that not everyone is a dog person, but I don’t understand why someone would elect not to be a dog person—maybe someone had a traumatic experience with a dog or they’re extremely allergic. Dogs are one of the greatest beings on earth, in my humble opinion. But I’m not biased at all.
