Umber Ahmad’s Wedding Honored Pakistani Traditions—And Her Love of Pastries
Umber Ahmad, the CEO and founder of Mah-Ze-Dahr Bakery, first connected with Ray Crisara, an actor and acting coach, online after a particularly challenging breakup. “My friends insisted on creating an online dating profile for me,” Umber says. “They did so without my knowing and started to amass an inbox of people. When I finally relented to going on a date, I perused the inbox and selected the most handsome photo of the lot. I told myself if I didn’t laugh at all during our first date, I would not ever have to see him again. Alas, we laughed and talked and shared our stories for hours. That date’s name was Ray, and he’s now my husband!”
Throughout their courtship, the two occasionally talked about getting married, but when Umber’s mother passed away in 2016, she put the idea of marriage out of her head—she felt it wasn’t worthwhile to have a wedding without her mother present. “Then, a few years later, there was this moment where I couldn’t imagine my life without Ray, and I said out loud, ‘I want to marry you,’” she remembers. “He looked at me, smiled, and said, ‘I know. I was waiting for you to get there.’”
The couple traveled back to Michigan, and there, Ray asked Umber’s father for her hand. “They went for coffee to have ‘the talk,’” Umber remembers. “When they returned my father was beaming and determined for us to marry as quickly as possible!”
Because of the pandemic, they weren’t certain when that could happen. “We looked at stones and ring designs but didn’t speak in specifics about getting formally engaged,” Umber explains. “A few months later, right before I was leaving to be in Washington, DC for three weeks to open up our next bakery, I was working late at our West Village location and called Ray to let him know. I picked up our favorite dinner from 4 Charles Prime Rib and walked home. As I fumbled with my keys, I could hear Bach’s ‘Cello Suite in G Major’ playing on the other side of the door. I just assumed Ray was preparing for dinner. As I dropped all the bags to finally get the door open, I did so to find Ray on one knee, surrounded by rose petals and candles. Our Frenchie, Toro, was anxiously standing behind him with her butt wiggling away. I honestly don’t remember what he said, but I do remember nodding ‘yes’ and hugging him for a long time.”
After the proposal took place in September of 2020, they set a date of June 19, 2021 for their wedding in Michigan, imagining the pandemic would be waning by then. They sent out their save-the-dates and started planning. By March 2021, they realized they would need to reschedule their date. Because every other couple in the world was doing the same thing at that time, and they had to triangulate between their own schedules, the venue, and their 17 vendors’ availability, there was only one possible date: November 19, 2021.
“For us, a wedding is not just about two people coming together, but two communities uniting,” Umber says. “We wanted to commit our lives to one another in front of and in partnership with these people. We waited so long to marry, we were okay to wait a few more months. We wanted to also balance that with the fact that both our fathers are not young. Having them be present at our wedding was a critical factor, so we didn’t want to wait another year."
They also knew that they wanted to marry at The Henry in Dearborn, Michigan as this was one of Umber’s mother’s favorite spots for a party. “With her having passed away five years ago, I wanted to cling to every possible morsel of her in this wedding,” she says. “The Henry could accommodate us on November 19th, so that helped us decide.”
Hiring planner Cassy Anderson of Cassy Rose Events made everything easier for the couple. “We were never the people who had envisioned their wedding since childhood,” Umber says. “We knew how we wanted it to feel, and Cassy helped us create the visual expression of those emotions.” Food was a very important part of the weekend—especially the desserts, given Umber’s profession. “We also wanted a mix of Western and Pakistani food,” she notes. “The wedding, for us, was a chance to tell our stories, share our cultures, and support both established and burgeoning creatives.”
There were two days of ceremonies and celebrations. The first day, there was the marriage ceremony, which was quite simple. “We had one of my father’s friends, Dr. Amjad Husain, marry us,” Umber says. “He and my dad came to the States around the same time for their surgery residencies. Uncle Amjad, as we call him, is also a Sufi poet and very spiritual about religion. As I am Muslim, and Ray was raised Catholic, we chose to focus on the universe and the good we strive to do together rather than religious specifics. Uncle Amjad was perfect for that.” The ceremony was small—just for the couple’s families and closest friends. Umber wore her mom’s wedding outfit and jewelry. “It was a really emotional moment to have her be there in some way,” the bride says. “Uncle Amjad spoke of the deep nature of partnership and the responsibilities that come with that. It was so special and intimate.” Adhering to tradition, everyone ate sweets after the ceremony so that the newly married couple would always know the sweetness of life together. “We had different types of baklava from the most famous Middle Eastern bakery outside of the Middle East, Shatila,” Umber says. “We then had a huge feast and prepared for the evening’s mehndi ceremony.”
The mehndi ceremony is where the women of the family get henna designs on their hands. “My henna, which was on both my hands and feet, was done earlier in the day as it took upwards of four hours to completed the intricate designs,” Umber says. “In addition to henna being applied, there is lots of dancing and eating.”
