Nikki Glaser “Goes Crazy” With a $10 Serum That Keeps Her Hydrated All Day

Hey Vogue, it s Nikki Glaser,

and I m gonna walk you through my daily skincare routine,

and kind of the only makeup look that I know how to do.

My hair s wet, brushing it out,

and it s pretty conditioned,

but let s just, like, do what I normally do

and put in a little leave-in conditioner.

I m gonna say it wrong.

Ouai.

Ouai?

Ouai.

Oui with an A in it leave-in conditioner.

I go really light cause

you can always add more, but you can t go back.

I love clips because I m obsessed about my hair falling out,

like, if I accidentally snag a hair and it comes out

before it s ready, I have anxiety all day,

I can feel where it got ripped out, and I, like,

take the hair and I, like, mourn it,

and I m like, You weren t ready to go,

and it just gives me so much anxiety.

Let s take my daily dose of Nutrafol.

Okay, so now it s time to wash my face with Laneige.

I got this cause my assistant had it,

and I was just like, That looks good.

I did just get my brows tinted, full disclosure,

cause this, I wanna be honest with you guys.

And laminated, I got them laminated at Kinko s,

and then I got my eyelashes dyed and my nose done.

Just kidding about the last one, but soon.

I do, like, I think two pumps.

This is the longest I ve ever washed my face.

I m a very fast person, so this whole thing,

I m going to try to be mindful and slow down,

cause usually I get this kind of done

in, like, five minutes.

Oh, and I did cut my chin this morning

cause I was shaving my face for you guys.

This was recommended to me by

my aesthetician in St. Louis at The Method.

It s called Plated Skin Science.

It s the intense serum.

This stuff is pretty damn expensive.

I think it s, like, stem cells.

I think it s $7 a squirt I, like, averaged it out to.

So seven...

That was a half.

14 plus seven-and-a-half, don t make me do math.

Okay, so I use about, like, two and a half, let s say.

And then I don t let this go to waste at all.

Get that soaked in.

Not an ounce wasted.

Everywhere, everywhere, everywhere.

This is the Plated eye serum.

[laughs] Oh, my god.

I lend it to my neighborhood raccoon

to use every night for his under-eye circles.

So I just do one pump cause this is, like, not a lot.

You gotta be careful not to stab yourself in the eye.

So under eye, over eye, I don t even know

what part of the eye it s supposed to go on.

It could be going in my eye and I wouldn t know.

I don t read instructions, so we re just going for it.

These are are the Peter Thomas Roth Hyaluronic Cloud

hydra-gel eye patches.

But these are amazing, they re super soothing.

So I m doing that.

And I never know which side to use,

I think they re both the same side,

but when it comes to those, like, sheet masks,

I know that I m picking the wrong side every single time.

Guys, this is truly my only secret.

I ve been using this probably seven to 10 years.

The Ordinary 100% plant squalane.

Obsessed.

The stopper kind of broke because that s my life. [laughs]

Everything I m gonna show you is busted in some way,

but usually the stopper works, so it doesn t now,

so I m gonna have to just dump it into my hand.

And I can go crazy with this stuff

cause it s, like, seven bucks!

This stuff lasts all day long.

And I just...

Okay, we re saying goodbye to those, prematurely,

cause I really wanna get in here.

It doesn t, like, come off on clothes, it soaks in so well,

it s so slick, it s so hydrating, I m obsessed.

These things, they were targeted on Instagram,

they have little balls on them,

so I kinda just wanna do one side and see if it works.

So I think you start, like, gently here

to open up your lymph nodes.

I think you kind of go, like, down here or something.

[laughs] Who knows?

I get targeted all the time, like we all do.

That just went in my eye.

On Instagram for stuff.

I just bought a mini trampoline

cause that was a week of my algorithm

was just women jumping on trampolines.

You know these women that are just like, I just jump!

You know, you can t eat if you re jumping!

And you re like, Oh, I guess that s why you re thin.

The Golden Globes are coming up,

I m hosting for the second time.

You know, the days before, I ll just try to drink

a lot of water, so up to, like, eight ounces a day.

For me, that s a lot.

I do, like, facials, I don t have a lot of time

leading up to the Globes to, like, do skincare,

and beauty treatments, and relaxing stuff,

cause I m just kind of, like,

working right up until the day.

But this time, I m feeling a lot more relaxed

than the first time I hosted

that I m kinda like, Okay, I think I ve got this,

I know what I m doing.

Oh, my God!

[laughs] It s working.

You know, for Globes, I have a whole team of people

who make me look beautiful,

and, you know, we set up in my hotel room,

I m not even in front of a mirror, I just sit there

and wait for them to be done, and then I go to a mirror,

and I m like, Holy hell, this is perfect.

I think last year, people accused me of, like,

having a facelift or something

cause the makeup was just so good.

I honestly think this side of my face is-

No, we re matched up!

Oh, my God!

Wait, lemme go under my eyes.

Wow, I should do this every day.

Okay, now I m ready for an SPF,

and I use DreamBeam Comfy Smooth sunscreen,

broad spectrum SPF 40!

I just go nuts.

I think I definitely saw this on Instagram as well.

There was some 20-year-old telling me

that that s what I needed for my 20-year-old skin.

Get your eyelids, I saw Hailey Bieber say that one time.

Don t forget your eyelids with SPF.

The rest on my neck.

Last year s Golden Globes were a success!

Going into it, I was so prepared,

I didn t know what it was gonna be like

in front of all the celebrities that the jokes were about,

but I felt like the jokes were gentle enough and

fun-spirited that it was not gonna ruin anyone s night.

Whereas roasts that I ve done,

you know the Tom Brady roast,

I definitely feel like that has, you know,

I go really hard on those.

I use the same approach where I just write a ton of jokes,

and then I take them around town,

and I do them at different clubs,

like four to five sets a night in the month leading up,

and so by the time I do the set,

it s, like, the hundredth time I ve done it,

and so it just feels like another show,

and it s taken some of the, like, gravity out of it.

Can I just show you my makeup bag?

Taylor Swift bag that looks like it s

what I use to garden with.

I mean, this is...

It s crazy-looking, [laughs] I m so embarrassed.

This is the IT CC color correcting full coverage cream.

Couple pumps.

I talk about beauty a lot in my standup,

and the expectations to look a certain way.

Some would say I may be obsessed with it

and I talk about it too much,

but it s just something that I deal with a lot

and I m frustrated by.

I m grateful that we get to have glam,

but it s also like it s never enough.

You re always doing it wrong.

It makes me feel something, and it makes me,

it s just something I like to talk about

that I just am frustrated that I have to look a certain way,

and then people say, No you don t have to

look a certain way!

And then when you do look a certain way,

people treat you so much better.

There s a part of me that, I guess,

sometimes feels like it s part of

why I m successful, and maybe that s not true,

and maybe that s an illusion,

but it s something that I feel like I need to keep up,

and I know I m not alone in feeling that way.

So it s great as a comedian to be able to talk about it

so earnestly in such detail

and just complain about it. [laughs]

All right, so I m already gonna

put some powder on top of this,

this is just a setting powder.

Jouer cosmetics.

I do not know names of things.

I can describe the packaging,

and how they make me feel, and how much money they are,

but I don t remember brand names almost ever.

Just to get, like, soak up some of that

serum that s still lingering on.

Let s just throw on some Christian Dior shimmer, why not?

We re not ready for it yet, but, like, just feels fun.

And that is the state of most of my makeups,

and I have to, like, scratch it with my nail

to get some off. [laughs]

This is a new one, Beauty Pie.

I m gonna do brown because I just don t...

Black just feels too harsh today.

Okay, so I watch so many wing tutorials, like,

all of my saved videos on Instagram are how to do wings.

You re supposed to do it with your eye open

and there s a lot of ones that say, like,

take this line and follow it up.

So maybe I ll try that today.

I think I have to, like, hold it.

And I just, like, brush over my lashes to get

a little start.

Uh-oh, y all.

We re gonna fix it.

Okay, that s not horrible,

but there s something wrong about it.

I don t know what, maybe we ll get this one right.

I never do em the same.

Why can t you make a hot face when you re doing eye makeup?

I ll try, no, I can t.

Pat McGrath Labs.

I just, I don t know, I was just, like,

I feel like I want a yellow eyelid.

I love a double-sided brush, two for one.

And you can tell this is brand new

because this is still on!

This would be gone if it was more than a day old.

Okay, so I m just gonna, like, mixing them all,

I don t know.

And, like, okay, that s too dark.

I should have started on the outside, but you guys get it.

So this is really weird to have it be so quiet

when I m doing my makeup cause I m usually

blasting Taylor Swift and singing along,

especially when I m getting ready for a show,

cause I just like to feel like...

♪ The life of a showgirl, babe ♪

It s just a special me time.

I love doing my makeup before shows,

I think it s my favorite part of the night,

aside from the show itself.

Okay, I m gonna get back in there with this,

cause this kinda went away.

I did go to 22 era shows,

and so I loved getting dressed up for the shows,

and putting on a costume, and doing my makeup,

and doing, like, a big wing like Taylor.

Yeah I went to 22, and I know that number

pisses some people off, but I don t have kids.

I was driving, like, an old car

that has been in my family for 15 years.

That s what I was spending my money on.

One of my podcast listeners had an extra ticket.

When I first couldn t get tickets, I was like,

I ll go with anyone, if you have an extra ticket

and you want me to go with you,

I ll pay you for the ticket and I ll go with you.

And we had the best time.

I m gonna put on some Fenty foundation,

cause I just got this color and I wanna try it.

You know when you go to the dentist

and they give you, like, a box you reach in,

and you get a toy, and you have to blindly pick?

That s what I do with my makeup,

I m just like, What s next?

Okay, brow.

Gimme Brow, classic, benefit.

I used to, like, square them off

cause I really like that look, and now

I just don t like when they look like sperms,

when they re, like, round on the end.

I, like, I hate that for some reason.

And I was just told that I m supposed to

fill them in more here by my brow girl.

Anyone who has an eye phobia, trigger warning, okay?

I love in-the-waterline eyeliner.

I really don t do much on top when I m not going on stage,

or I try not to, but I love lifting up my eye

and getting in there.

Oh, it feels so good.

You re supposed to look down.

I love this stuff, e.l.f.

I love this, like, this color, bubblegum pink.

I m just gonna, like, go in,

same brush I used for the other stuff.

So for the Golden Globes, I do have to watch everything.

The heavy lifting is movies.

You wanna know the best pictures,

you wanna know the, you know, best actor,

best actress, you wanna see those movies,

so I m making my way through them slowly.

I might just brush this shit off because this is crazy.

This is just tragic.

Okay, that s just gonna be, like, a dirty smudge over there.

That s, like, very in right now.

I ve seen most of the nominees,

I ve made it through all the movies that I wanted to watch,

and now I m having to go watch the scary things,

and, like, the intense things, and the sad things.

I wanna be able to make jokes about-

[laughs] I just...

Bye-bye, wings!

I just wanna be able to make jokes to people

and actually mean that I m big fans of them,

because if the joke is a little bit harsh,

as long as I m actually able to truly believe in my heart

that this guy s performance,

or this girl s performance was incredible,

and that this movie was really amazing,

the joke can be a little bit meaner.

It really works when I m sincere,

and when I m excited about what I m talking about.

But my favorite movie of this year

has been one battle after another.

And I m not gonna tell you all the ones I ve seen,

so maybe I haven t seen the one

that you think that I should have said.

Let s do lips, let s just get started.

Okay, I m gonna overdraw the hell out of these.

We re gonna start subtle.

This is Anywhere Caffeine.

ILIA Eclipse bronzer.

And I go crazy with bronzer, I m obsessed with spray tan,

let s start on my neck, cause we re gonna match my neck.

I love spray tans, they give me so much confidence,

I hate getting them cause you just be sticky all night,

and sweaty, and you smell bad.

You can t deny that when you get a spray tan,

people are like, Oh, my God, you look amazing!

Did you lose weight?

Oh, my God, have you been meditating?

I promise you, it s a spray tan.

I promise you.

I went to, like, a bunch of plastic surgeons

to just see what they would recommend that I do.

Some were saying lower my brow,

some were saying fat injections,

and I was like, Where do you get the fat from?

And they were like, Your body.

And I promise you this is true, I was just making a joke,

I go, Oh, you get it from my body?

And they go, Yeah, and I go,

Well, I don t know where you re gonna get it.

And I was just joking, and he was like, Your thighs.

Didn t even wait a a second, didn t get my joke at all.

I was like, Good to know.

Let s just draw a little bit more brows on.

I love this brow pencil I just got.

Brow Pop by Kosas!

I should ve known by the color!

Kosas.

Kosas?

I just feel like they just need more oomph.

Doing the Globes a second time is really interesting

because last year when I did it was the first Wicked,

and then this year again, it s Wicked again.

Everyone who is in the room, Sweed pro lash mascara,

they know what to expect,

they know the vibe I set last year,

they know that they can be okay

that I m not gonna come after them, like, swinging,

they know it s all in good fun.

And I think last year, they were all kind of scared

of what I was gonna do, and this year,

I feel like everyone kind of gets what I m up to,

and so I feel comfortable.

And you know Timothee Chalamet s back from Marty Supreme

and he was there last year for Bob Dylan.

Kylie might be there again, Selena Gomez,

and my favorite part of the show that we did last year,

that I hope to do again this year,

is we do, like, a halftime show

where I come out and just kind of give

the numbers of the night,

like, This many people thanked their mom,

this many people thanked dad, this many people thanked God,

one thank you for Mario Lopez,

and just talking about the stuff

that s already happened in the night.

I just kind of look at everything through that lens of like,

Am I gonna have fun doing this?

Will the crowd sense that I am?

Because that s the trick to performing,

is that you need to make the audience comfortable

and not nervous for you.

Act like, Don t worry, I ve got this, you guys.

Even if you flub a line, it s all good, I m a professional

Even if a shoe breaks, you drop the mic,

I have jokes pretty much planned

for anything that could go wrong.

Even if my career gets, you know, totally ruined,

and I get canceled for saying something wrong.

I m like, Okay, well, I ll just go start

an animal rescue in St. Louis.

Not that I couldn t do that now,

I don t really have the time,

but that s, like, the goal, like,

that s why I save my money and prepare for the worst.

Let me just give it one more little wing,

and then we re on our merry way.

It was incredible watching the Oscars

and seeing Adam Sandler, you know,

say, Chalamet, to Timothee Chalamet again at the Oscars,

and have, like, a callback to something I did at the Globes,

that was such a cool moment.

He s just everything you think that he is,

and yeah, one of the best people in the business.

So this year I hope to have some kind of fun interaction.

Last year, that was, like,

my favorite part of the monologue,

was just, like, kind of, like,

talking to the celebrities, and playing with them,

and making them feel a part of it,

so I m looking forward to doing that again.

Let s just put on a gloss.

I ve been seeing, like, the trend

of people putting, like, concealer on their lips.

Let s just try with a little foundation.

Okay, dot, dot, dot.

Oh, this is too much.

This is gonna be bad, you guys.

And then you go like that.

Oh, yeah, this is bad.

Oh, actually, huh?

If we clean it up, don t hate it.

And then I give it a little liner on top,

I think this might work.

Okay, so just, like, a little on top.

This is crazy.

I know you guys are, like, screaming.

Okay, I kind of love it.

I like when your lips, like, blend into your face.

Let s do my hair!

Brushing it out.

Let s get rid of this lip.

It s just blah.

That s better.

But this is good enough, I m going to a fitting

and all of this will come off on a white t-shirt

that I try to, like, push through my head.

Oh, my gosh, I am so grateful to do this.

I feel unworthy, I feel imposter syndrome.

I hope you had fun.

None of this actually matters,

I m still beautiful on the inside.

That s debatable.

Thank you guys so much for watching. [laughs]

I m gonna go and I ll see you at the Golden Globes!

And I ll fix this lip by then.

Bye!