Jonathan Van Ness’s Cross-Country Journey to the Emmy Awards

Okay, so honey, it s time to stretch these little legs out

with some model walking.

One sec.

[upbeat pop music]

Stretch!

Hi Vogue, it s me, Jonathan Van Ness!

With Harry Larry the weather man.

And we re going from New York to L.A. today,

so come on in.

Actually, Larry s not going.

[sighs]

So the first thing that I like to do in the morning

is a little coffee dance.

This is usually how it works.

I saunter down these stairs.

Sometimes I m in my undies, sometimes I m topless,

oh my god, did my friend just meet Pete?

Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god.

Okay, so I m just gonna turn the music on,

and then I m going to my Insta stories hands free, okay?

Is it good for TV?

Okay good.

♪ Baby come get it ♪

♪ I m a bit too much but I m fun and games ♪

♪ When I m acting tough I just wanna play ♪

♪ If you are looking for one hell of a ride ♪

♪ Just come and get it baby I m all yours ♪

♪ Come and get it, come and get it ♪

♪ Come and get it, come and get it ♪

My flight is in about 15 minutes so now it s time

for me to get my eye patches and get ready to go.

Just kidding, it s like an hour and 30 minutes,

but I m not strong with time management. [laughs]

I m going to L.A. for the gorgeous Creative Arts Emmys.

I am nominated for Outstanding Variety Series Short

as an executive producer.

Also, we re nominated for Queer Eye.

So I just put on my gorgeous eye cream

and my gorgeous facial moisturizer.

And to really drive her home

I m going to take this gorgeous sheet mask

and I m going to put it on my face.

Then I just leave this on while I go pack my clothes.

This is my primary assistant.

His name is Harry Larry, he s a meteorologist,

you can find him on my Instagram.

This is a mug of him.

This is how you drink coffee with a sheet mask on.

Whew, that s gorgeous!

So here s the other thing,

after you take off serums,

we re gonna press it in, okay?

We re gonna press it in,

we re not gonna waste anything, okay?

Nobody has time to waste shit, okay?

Can we cuss on Vogue?

My actual Emmy look is already in Los Angeles

with my gorgeous Ali Brooks who is my stylist,

who we love.

Did I put my Margiela in my Prada bag, yes.

If you know Vogue, I m sure

that s frowned upon over there but,

Anna, hey, I don t have as many assistants as you.

I gotta do what I gotta do, okay?

I can t miss this flight.

The next thing is my mandatory 45 minute cuddle with Lar.

Have you ever in your life, Vogue,

seen a more glamorous cat?

And I m sure you ve met Taylor Swift s cats,

but we won t tell her, we re friends.

Oh hi Vogue, this is Harry Larry reporting live

form Larry s weather corner.

There is an 85% chance that prints and plaids are in.

So anyway, make sure that as fall approaches,

you take risks and boldly layer your looks.

Thanks for coming, bye!

Larry you wanna check what time the flight boards?

Or you wanna cuddle a little longer?

Oh you can check the flight, Dad, it s fine.

We re totally on time Larry!

Floor it!

Oh my god, is Grace Coddington in town?

So here s the thing.

When I m not hallucinating people on the street,

I am doing gymnastics in the morning.

And I am getting ready to post today s content.

Stop trying to pull away from my phone.

Look at the back handspring, okay?

Look at how long this back handspring is, soak it in.

Love it, live it.

So I m going to go into the editing room,

you do you, I ll do me.

I ll check back in, in like, a few minutes.

[upbeat pop music]

I need to call Ali.

Ali is my gorgeous fun stylist,

we love her so much.

Hey girl! Hey, how are you?

Good, how are you queen? Amazing,

I m so excited for you.

What are we wearing, what are we doing,

what s going on?

[Ali] I ll let you take a little sneak peek

at the rack.

Just high list, old, levy, chic,

princess meets Cary Grant. [laughing]

Okay well, I m gonna miss this flight,

I love you so much.

Okay, love you,

see you later! Okay, bye.

There s some gorgeous Christian Sariano pieces

that I m really excited to try

and really hoping that they work.

But I know that Ali has lots of different

looks for us just in case.

But I really wanna wear Christian Siriano, he s amazing.

[mellow pop music]

Hi! Hi, how are you?

[Jonathon] How chic.

Just one, please.

Thanks so much Lillian. You re very welcome

Mr. Van Ness.

[upbeat pop music]

We ll take you into the fine dining area.

[Jonathon] I love a fine dining always.

Does everyone get this much personalized,

one-on-one attention, or is it just me?

Sir. Thank you.

You re welcome. So I went with

this signature Flagship burger.

I m pretty sure this is a gorgeous tomato jam,

about to dip my fry in it and find out.

Mm, it s a bacon jam, it s gorgeous.

Now, before I dive into this burger head first,

let s just take a moment to appreciate these gorgeous,

Julia Louis-Dreyfus nails.

She s good Emmy luck

because she is the most

consecutive winning Emmy actress.

She beat Helen Hunt the last time she got that Emmy.

Or maybe tied, or maybe beat.

And honestly, there s enough success in the world

to go around, you know what I m saying?

[bright symphonic music]

So, let me give you a quick tour

of my gorgeous lounge.

If you get hungry for some snacks,

here you go.

Then we have this gorgeous

pour your own craft cocktail.

We re bartenders and frequent fliers, who knew?

You also get this stunning self pour wine station.

Hi!

Take one of these for the road.

Thanks American.

Ah, one more quick stop,

we re gonna just take a quick shower

before we get on the flight.

Just kidding it s a bathroom.

But I hear they have showers here!

Quick little stop to hydration station.

And it s a fine mist for me.

Well, that concludes the tour,

and my extra time at the airport, so,

it s time for me to get my flight, ah.

That way. [grunts]

Yay we made it!

[Announcer] Current Los Angeles weather conditions,

partly cloud with a temperature of 77 degrees fahrenheit,

which is 25 celsius.

[Computerized Announcer] All exits on this airplane

are clearly marked.

Take a moment to locate the nearest one.

When directed to exit, jump onto this light

and move away from the airplane.

So getting my little area all set up.

I have my trusty Switch,

so that I don t get bored.

I have my gorgeous phone, was freshly sanitized.

Full bottle full of water

because I m trying to fly home.

And fully charged headphones

in case you have chatty neighbor who won t leave you alone.

[laughs]

Carb loading for the Emmys, ah!

My award season has been so eventful honey.

I m on my way to the Emmys, but,

I went to the VMAs a few weeks ago,

and I had the honor to meet Sansa fierce,

literally Sophie Turner from Game Of Thrones, omg.

What a moment.

Here s the thing, ever since I met Michelle Kwan,

there s no one else.

Like everyone else will be amazing

and like I would love to meet everyone, but like,

I already met my number one.

Well, it has been a very long week, queen,

so I m going to take a little nap.

[mellow pop music]

It s negative 49 degrees outside.

And we re like two hours outside of Los Angeles.

So I thought this would be a good time to

give my skin a little bit of love.

So when I go on planes,

I don t have a ton of products that I carry on with me,

just a few things.

This is one bag.

This is my other bag.

And this is my other bag.

All right, always use mist

to give an emollient quality to the skin.

Then I m gonna come in with

this amazing Algenist eye balm.

Eye cream and serum always goes on first,

cause they re treatments.

Poured it directly on my face.

So now I ve got a little eye mask.

By Joanna Vargas.

With the eye cream still on my eyes.

I m gonna put this on.

And I know what you re thinking.

Is he embarrassed doing this on an airplane?

The answer is no.

I was a male cheerleader,

you cannot embarrass me.

Ooh.

I don t want my eyelids to get jealous.

Say hi to Julia.

I m ready to do my makeup.

Algenist radiant primer.

And I m gonna take about this much, oh God, Jesus.

I m gonna take a lot more than I meant.

Mix it with just some straight up moisturizer.

A dot of this Cover FX concealer.

Work all that together.

Gonna apply to my skin.

So my eyebrows are big and bold,

I like to make them even bigger.

So I m gonna come in with this Givenchy eyebrow gel.

Now, I m gonna do something controversial.

I m gonna take just a little bit of face oil

and put this over my makeup,

cause I feel like it makes it sit more into my face.

Once all that s done,

I put my concealer just right back over

where I need it.

For my looks [bleep] gorgeous, to be honest.

Now that I m ready,

I think I m gonna go find my husband

on this flight. [laughs]

Let s watch a gorgeous movie.

Bam!

Oh shit, I put it on French.

Ever since I got together with Antoni,

who is French-Canadian,

I just speak French so that I can

be a better partner.

This is games.

Oh my god you guys, they have Harry Potter.

Must watch.

[mellow pop music]

Tip for the ladies, gentlemen, and non-binary queens,

and kings, and just non-binary royalty,

who want to find a gorgeous man in their life

but they don t really know

what men want.

Men want

people who play video games.

Cause it s like, it s like you re like this cool chick

who plays video games.

I didn t make the rules.

We re about to land in sunny Los Angeles.

So I m just gonna freshen myself up and get ready.

So yeah, my husband was not on the flight,

but maybe he is

at LAX.

We shall see soon!

[upbeat pop music]

Ah, safe, made it!

LAX here we are.

The flight was great, I feel amazing,

rested, refreshed, and ready to take on the Emmys.

Let s go see Allison.

[upbeat pop music]

Well that [mumbles]. We can.

[upbeat pop music]

Thanks for coming with me to Los Angeles, Vogue.

I adore you and [blows kiss] ah!

[upbeat pop music]