For better or worse (probably worse), the digital age has thoroughly reshaped the party experience. On one hand, tech-friendly tools like e-vites and Pinterest moodboards streamline and embellish hosting duties, while on the other, that omnipresent smartphone reliably jerks the focus away from connecting with your fellow fête-ers. The art of entertaining has always been an elusive quality to master regardless of era, but now, it’s all the more fickle a beast.
And while there’s no silver bullet solution to healing the party circuit of its information-age-woes, there are experts who know a thing or two about reinstating elegance and presence to festive environments—Carmen Haid being one of them. As the vintage curator and founder of Atelier Mayer, as well as a seasoned hostess (and guest), here, Haid demystifies how to throw a successful shindig in the 21st century. Ahead, her dos and don’ts for parties in the digital age.
Do: Match Your Invite to the Mood
Depending on the formality of your event, your invitation should match the mood. For casual soirées, a chic WhatsApp message, a curated broadcast list, or a tasteful email will do the trick.
Don’t: Forget to BCC
Be sure to send invites individually, not en masse in a group chat or email, and always keep addresses private. Nobody needs another inbox flooded with messages from strangers.
Do: Opt for Paperless Post
A well-crafted digital invitation sets the scene before anyone arrives. Personally, Paperless Post remains the gold standard. Think of it as the Hermès of evites: customizable, elegant, and blissfully efficient at collecting RSVPs without fuss.
Don’t: Neglect Your RSVP (Even If It’s Digital)
RSVP stands for the French phrase, répondez s’il vous plait, which means “please respond.” If a host asks for an RSVP, you are expected to respond whether you are attending or not. Silence is not mysterious, it’s simply impolite.
Don’t: Assume Everyone Is Digitally Fluent
Not everyone wants to scan a QR code. Provide analogue alternatives: a printed menu, visible wine labels, or handwritten place cards never go out of style.
Do: Employ Your Apps
Ambience is half the experience. Consider candle light and live music such a piano, guitar, violin, percussion, tablas, harp. Alternatively, you can use a music app to queue a playlist. Spotify and SoundCloud have elegant options—just make sure it’s ad-free.
Don’t: Forget to Mic Check
Smart lights, Bluetooth speakers, and virtual assistants are all lovely until your Wi-Fi fails. Test your tech, light and sound before guests arrive. An atmosphere dimmed because of a tech glitch is simply not recommended.
Do: Read the Room
When entering a private event or home, do not whip out your phone like a paparazzo at Cannes. Always ask before photographing people or interiors. What is charming to you might be deeply personal to someone else.
Don’t: Ask For Social Handles
The host s subtle art lies in connecting people, drawing out shared interests, and lighting the fuse on a sparkling exchange. A dash of humor and a generous compliment are the best ice breakers and conversation openers. Don’t fish for follows and skip the “What’s your Insta?” opener. Let rapport build. After a genuine exchange, feel free to connect and follow up with a warm message.
Do: Post Wisely, Not Rapidly
In a world where we live to post, resist the urge to live-post. Time delay and post later. Choose your content with quality over quantity. If you are at a private address, definitely keep your host’s location sacred.
Don’t: Zone Out
Treat your time with the host as sacred. That means no zoning out, no scrolling, and certainly no tablets as conversation crutches, such as interrupting a conversation mid-thought to consult ChatGPT or Google. It suggests you have outsourced your wit. Instead, read up on current affairs and topics of interest, impress with your knowledge, charisma, and brainpower.
Do: Excuse Yourself For Calls
If you must take a phone call during a meal, excuse yourself quietly and disappear somewhere remote enough that your conversation doesn’t become uninvited theater.
Don’t: Keep Your Phone Visible
Answering messages while someone is talking to you is a faux pas of the highest order. Unless it’s an emergency, leave your phone out of sight and mind. And phones on the dining table are the modern equivalent of wearing sunglasses indoors. Place it in your bag, set it to silent, or better, switch on airplane mode. Privacy is luxury.
Do: Finish With Flair
Send your guests a post-event message and perhaps include a link to a shared playlist or photo album. Thoughtfulness resonates. True hosting, in any age, is about presence, attention to detail, and care. In our hyper-connected lives, in-person hospitality is a radical act of generosity. Put away the pixels, look people in the eye, and create a space where conversation, connection, and delight have meaning and can unfold. Hosting with intention and a touch of digital finesse is a timeless act of grace.
