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In the collective imagination during the holidays—at least as defined by the nonstop reruns of A Christmas Story—mouthing off gets you exactly one thing: a bar of soap between the chompers. But for Ralphie and the rest of us, unsavory consequences don’t reliably keep us on the straight and narrow. As the classic line (attributed to Mae West and others) goes, “Good girls go to heaven, bad girls go everywhere.” There’s just too much living to do, and if that means proverbial coal in the stocking, it will be well earned.
What defines naughty and nice anyhow? At a time when cannabis is booming business and brands tout sex-positive values, ours is not a clear-cut world of sinners and saints, punishments and rewards. Still, a playful riff on the theme has a way of livening up any gift exchange, whether you’re shopping for the good, the bad, or the friend who has everything.
In the spirit of Ralphie’s four-letter exclamation, the provocateur artists behind Toilet Paper—Maurizio Cattelan and Pierpaolo Ferrari—have created their own tooth-marked version, scented with palatable Italian citrus; meanwhile, the virtuous will swoon for a multicolored Wary Meyers bar that unites the celebratory feel of confetti with an homage to 1980s terrazzo. The ultimate lust-object manicure comes by way of New York nail artist Sarah Nguyen (think piled-on jewels); or stop by Sundays, the green-minded nail salon with house label 10-free polish and the optional guided meditation. The foil for a graffiti-inspired dark chocolate bar by Compartes? Goby’s electric toothbrush in pale pink, launching today.
The list goes on and on: a marijuana-scented candle by Boy Smells; a come-hither camisole threaded with a Kilian fragrance; a pared-down water filter powered by, yes, coal. Here, there is no judgment. Only a list to check twice—so you don’t miss a thing.
A subversive art object by two Italians puts a palatable spin on retro punishment, while a confetti-like soap calls to mind Shiro Kuramata’s 1983 Kyoto table—for design nerds who have been extra good this year.
Maurizio Cattelan
Pierpaolo Ferrari Bitten Soap, $17, artwareeditions.com
Wary Meyers Astral Shower Soap, $14, thestell.com
Sarah Nguyen’s sculptural, piled-on nail fantasies are enough to inspire a serious gilt trip; for a low-key manicure, head to Sundays in Manhattan, where the house-label polish is 10-free and guided meditation is a mind-clearing perk.
Sarah Nguyen Nail Art, starting at $60, chrmdbysarah.com
Sundays Rose Extract Anti-Aging Hand Treatment, $45; and Sundays Nail Polish, $18; dearsundays.com
Consider this the elevated way to smoke out the apartment: with a cheeky fragrance lit with notes of tulip and white musk. Or—no matches necessary—try this cult-favorite ceramic diffuser, paired with an essential oil blend inspired by the salt-soaked West Coast.
Boy Smells Kush Candle, $30, consort-design.com
Vitruvi White Stone Diffuser, $119, nordstrom.com; and Vitruvi Pacific Pure Essential Oil Blend, $24, vitruvi.com
A hit of witchy coal makeup is enough to spark a rogue night out. Eyeing something more scintillating than smoldering? Noto’s shimmer stick imparts a subtle golden sheen from lids to cheekbones.
Fat and the Moon Eye Coal, $18, kindredblack.com
Noto Botanics Gold Glow Stick, $18, thestell.com
Yes, the Surgeon General has issued its warnings—but for those who haven’t kicked the habit, there’s a mini-pack of fragrances for you, designed to complement a tobacco scent trail. Bodha’s floral mist, meanwhile, is a different fast track to calm, mingling geranium, lavender, and California sage.
Goest Smokers’ Perfume, $88, goest.us
Bodha Calm Ritual Spray, $22, bodhamodernwellness.com
What’s the best route to a solid night’s rest? That is up to you. One tack: A crystal objet designed to re-foster reconnection to self and no shortage of good vibes. The other: a Matisse-inspired eye mask paired with colorful earplugs from the MoMA Design Store.
Crystal Chakrub, $114, kindredblack.com
The Glad Hours La Gerbe Sleep Mask, $85, thegladhours.com; and Hay Be Quiet Earplugs, $4, moma.org
The classic lump of coal has come a long way from bah-humbug, thanks to the mainstream embrace of the ingredient’s purifying properties. This minimalist bottle is specially scaled to fit an adsorbent stick of Japanese white charcoal (included with purchase). For a painterly version favored by the downtown set, The Walter Filter is worth clearing off counter space.
Sort of Coal Bincho Filter Bottle, $85, kindredblack.com
The Walter Filter, $475, walterfilter.com
No matter the antioxidant punch, a chocolate bar always has an element of transgression, particularly when hand-decorated in homage to the best street taggers. Goby’s new all-pink electric toothbrush, launching today, wipes the slate clean.
Compartes Dark Chocolate Art Graffiti Bar, $10, compartes.com
Goby Rose Edition Toothbrush, $60, goby.com
Rolling papers with an art director’s sensibility have so many uses, whether to smoke an all-herbal blend like Tetra’s collaboration with Heavy Nettle or other festive greenery of your choice. Another take on fragrant paper: Byredo’s limited-edition portfolio of six scented drawings, produced with the French creative studio, M/M (Paris).
Van der Pop Signature Papers, $3, vanderpop.com; and Tetra x Heavy Nettle Dream Weaver Herbal Smoke Blend, $25, shop-tetra.com
Byredo Drawer’s Drawings, $170, byredo.com
The word athleticwear is open to interpretation. In the world of lingerie line Fleur du Mal, that means a lace-trimmed camisole threaded with fibers carrying Kilian’s aptly named fragrance, Love Don’t Be Shy. Or break a sweat the old-fashioned way, with a Nike sports bra designed with breathability—and strong lines—in mind.
Fleur du Mal x Kilian cami, $248, fleurdumal.com
Nike Pro Indy Structure mesh-paneled Dri-Fit sports bra, $40, net-a-porter.com