In 1948, Vogue published its 658-page Book of Etiquette, compiled by editor Millicent Fenwick, featuring how-tos, dos and don’ts, and the proper politesse for a remarkably varied set of scenarios. But as Fenwick writes in the introduction: “Etiquette is based on tradition, and yet it can change.” Some 75 years later, Oh, Behave! is a new monthly Vogue column in which experts sound off on today’s ever-evolving social etiquette.
So you’ve got your invitation to the Met Gala! Our heartfelt congratulations—but now what? How soon should you start planning your look? Should you ask who else is sitting at your table? Should you practice walking up those famous steps? Gala-goers’ minds will race with all sorts of scenarios to prepare for. (The only thing one wants more than an invite to the Met Gala, after all, is to be invited back again.)
To settle all these matters and more, Vogue’s Oh, Behave! column has called upon two of this year’s livestream hosts—and Met Gala veterans—La La Anthony and Gwendoline Christie. Anthony has been co-hosting the live stream for the past two years, while Christie is taking the mic for the first time—though she’s no stranger to the event.
Below, they explain how to act the part when attending the Met Gala.
How soon should you RSVP to the gala upon receiving your invitation?
Gwendoline: I’d say within 24 hours, simply so you can prove that the invitation was real and you can start telling everyone that you’re going.
La La: Within minutes? It’s the hottest ticket in town. It’s such an honor to be invited and to be a part of such an amazing night. I think you should RSVP as soon as you get the invitation.
How do you tell your friends you’re going without seeming like you’re boasting?
La La: You know, actually a lot of my friends attend as well, and those who don’t attend just love watching and seeing the fashion. So it’s exciting for all of them. For those who are going because we all get to hang, and for those who aren’t because it’s still a moment. Now, they get to watch me on the livestream too!
How soon do you start planning our outfit?
Gwendoline: Literally the day after the previous Met Gala. Quite honestly, I have had things made with the idea of them potentially being worn at the Met Gala for years. And no, I absolutely can’t be more specific, because they can pop out at any time. There are also pieces genuinely waiting in climate-controlled archives for the right theme at some point potentially in the future.
La La: About a month or two before—but it always seems like everyone’s scrambling right at the end, which is crazy, because we all know the date! But there’s always a mad dash right toward the end—even right before the actual day of the Met Gala. It’s like Christmas. The day before, everyone’s shopping like wild maniacs, even though it’s the same day every year.
Is it okay not to be on theme?
Gwendoline: Absolutely not. The theme exists for a reason, and frankly, I am grateful for a theme. If only there were a theme for every day of my life—I might feel a little bit more confident about where I was going.
La La: No, I don t think so. It has to be something reflective of the theme. And no two people will look the same—how you translate the theme and how somebody else does will never be the same. I think there’s always a way to find “you” within every theme.
Is there anything, fashion-wise, that’s off-limits? Anything too naked, or too much of a statement, for example?
Gwendoline: I don’t think so. I think that as a guest, when you are passionate about fashion and about the reason for the whole evening taking place—which is, of course, to raise money for the Costume Institute, the only part of the Met that’s self-funded—I think that allowing your imagination to flow freely is what’s exciting about it. As long as it’s meaningful to you and in line with who you are as a person and your creative authenticity, then I think that truly anything goes—within reason.
La La: I think if you’re going to take risks or play around with fashion, this is the time to do it.
Do you share what you’re wearing ahead of time, or is it top secret?
Gwendoline: It’s top secret. I do not tell a single living soul other than my partner Giles Deacon and we, of course, work creatively together on so many different things. No matter what it is, I do not tell a single living soul. So many people ask me who I’m wearing or what I’m wearing, but I never ever tell them. I could be in the middle of an exercise class and someone might ask me what I m wearing—still, nothing is given away. I could be in the middle of a dental treatment—still, nothing is given away. I love the element of surprise, and I think that’s a huge part of what really makes the Met Gala sing; we’re going to see all these extraordinary flamboyant flashes of creativity happening and it’s intrinsically wonderful to have those surprises. We don’t have many fun surprises in life, so it’s nice to have them on the first Monday in May.
La La: I’ll give little hints, but there are still tweaks at the end, so you don’t want to say too much without knowing exactly what it’s going to be.
Is being on time, being late?
Gwendoline: Being late is always being late, particularly for the Met Gala, but I do appreciate that in that wild cacophony of getting ready, it is almost impossible to leave on time. So I think it’s always good to lie to yourself about leaving at a time 20 minutes earlier than you need to leave, because inevitably then you end up on time.
La La: Well, the thing about the Met Gala is everyone has an assigned time to be on the carpet, so I would just stick to your assigned time because that’s what keeps the flow going and what ensures you have your moment to get your photos. When it gets crowded on the carpet, it’s just a frenzy.
What’s the etiquette surrounding waiting for your turn with photographers on the red carpet?
La La: Waiting in line is actually a highlight. You get to see all your friends or people you haven’t seen in a while; that’s where you’re able to catch up with everyone. So the line is kind of a social hour before you even hit the carpet. I don’t mind the line!
Do you practice walking up the steps in your look?
Gwendoline: Wholeheartedly yes. For so many years, I heard tales of the stairs. Last year, when I was lucky enough to attend the Met Gala with Fendi, the wonderful Amanda Harlech took me through quite a rigorous process of approximately how many stairs there were, how high they were. It was something in my mind when I was working with a trainer—about making sure my legs work. But also, so that you can really let yourself go and enjoy the moment by being familiar with what that process will be.
La La: I just recommend being mindful of your heels—it’s a lot of walking. What people don’t know is that after you get to the top of the steps, you still have to walk through the entire museum. Be mindful of the fact you’ll be in those shoes all night. Just make sure you can handle it. I like a platform heel.
How much time is too much time spent on the red carpet?
Gwendoline: I think that you can spend as much time as you want on the red carpet as long as you’re not still on the carpet while everyone else is inside, the event has started, and there are no photographers left.
La La: When you get on the stairs, they’ll escort you up. They’ll tell you, “Okay, turn around; make your way up a little bit more; turn this way.” So you follow the instructions, and you don’t want to rush that; that can be really intimidating. Nobody wants to fall, nobody wants any issues, so you just have to take your time.
If you are interviewed for the Vogue livestream, are there any off-limit topics of conversation?
Gwendoline: Darling, don’t ask me. I’ve never done anything like this before. We’re gonna find out on the first Monday in May!
La La: It’s a fun night, so it’s about keeping the questions light, about the fashion about what inspired your look. Just be ready to answer those kinds of questions. Nobody’s trying to dig into your personal life or ask you anything uncomfortable. Everyone’s in high spirits—and we want to keep it that way.
Is asking who else is at your table a faux pas?
Gwendoline: Enormously. It also adds to the element of surprise to find out who you are going to be sitting with at your table for dinner at the Met Gala. I think that is exciting too, because it’s always interesting to find out about other people that you’ve never met before—and could potentially be terrified by.
La La: I just always got my seat and was happy I was there! You’re typically going to know someone at your table, but what’s cool is sitting next to people you don t know. You make new friends, you have conversations with someone that you might not normally talk to. I sat next to Anthony Ramos one year and we had always heard about each other. He’s a close friend of mine now, and a fellow Latino. We talk all the time, and laugh that we actually officially met at the Met.
Can you use your phone at the table?
Gwendoline: 100% no, never, never. And one should just never use one’s phone at the table. With the glittering guest list, why would you ever need to look at your phone when you’ve got so many brilliant people to chat with—or at least admire?
La La: You want to be social! It’s a once-a-year—and for some, once-in-a-lifetime—event. You want to be present and take it all in.
Should you eat before you arrive?
Gwendoline: I would advise a hearty breakfast and a generous lunch—but then I would always advise that.
La La: No. I think you should definitely have the full experience and eat there. I don’t think you want to have too much food in your stomach going up the red carpet and dealing with all that craziness. You take a deep breath when you finally go inside, enjoy some cocktails, and enjoy a nice dinner.
Should you split your time between conversing with the person to your left or right?
Gwendoline: Yes, absolutely. I never get this right in terms of whether you turn to the left first and then the right. Chat with the person on your left for the starter and the main course, and then the person on your right for pudding. But try not to literally have them for pudding.
La La: I just try to be social with everyone at the table. Speak to everyone—you’ll start gravitating to one or two people to have more in-depth conversations with. So you kind of just got to go with the flow.
Can you fangirl over a fellow attendee or should you keep cool?
Gwendoline: You should keep your cool, but that’s something I’m really not very good at, which is why I tend to try to keep myself away from people. I had some really fabulous interactions last year with very old friends, and the excitement of seeing such brilliant and talented and fun people only adds to the thrill of the evening. So as a life rule, I’d say never keep your cool.
La La: There’s nothing wrong with that. If you’re going to do it, this is the room and the place to do it.
How many drinks can you have—does the limit exist?
Gwendoline: I think as long as you can make it down the stairs at the end of the evening unaided, that’s okay.
La La: Pace yourself; it is a long night. You want to make it through.
Dancing on the table—yea or nay?
Gwendoline: Yea. But only if the entire Vogue team is doing it first.
La La: I would say nay. That’s just a little bit too much going on.
Should you dance during the performance?
La La: You got to rock out! It takes a lot of courage to perform at the Met and in the room with all of those people. You dance, you catch a vibe. It’s the respectful and right thing to do.
How many after-parties are too many after-parties?
Gwendoline: Never too many after-parties.
La La: I don’t think a limit exists. By the third one, you’re kind of tired anyway. Three would be the max, but I don’t think a limit exists. If you have energy and you want to hop around and keep going, more power to you!
How many Instagram posts can you dedicate to the Met Gala?
Gwendoline: 29. Because that’s how many years since Anna Wintour started chairing the Met Gala in 1995.
La La: It’s not how many posts, but for how long? If you’re still posting a month later—it s like, okay, we saw all these pictures! Been there, done that, time to get ready for next year. But the day of and the subsequent days, it’s totally fine. It’s a once-in-a-lifetime or once-in-a-year thing—you should flood your Instagram with as many different poses and looks and pictures as you can find.
