At a time when it feels like weddings aren’t merely a major milestone in one’s life, but a meticulously orchestrated moment, the task of planning one can feel daunting. Likewise, with the constraints of tradition loosened, the brides and grooms of today have far more scope to let their imaginations run wild—which can either feel wonderfully liberating or intensely overwhelming, depending on your personality type.
That’s why we’ve turned to some of the industry’s most sought-after wedding planners for their advice on how to cut out the noise, and create the wedding day that you actually want. To begin with, it’s helpful to get a sense of how you both want your relationship to be reflected by your celebration. “I like to get into the couple’s story: how they met, what they love,” Mindy Weiss, who recently planned Selena Gomez and Benny Blanco’s Santa Barbara wedding, tells Vogue. “I think that helps us get to know each other better and gets my creativity flowing.” Johanna Carlsson, who helped plan actors Michael Fassbender and Alicia Vikander’s nuptials, places similar importance on the couple’s history: “Once I have that, every decision we make becomes purposeful.”
Of course, it’s the personal touches that will make your wedding unique, from the food you serve your guests to the music. “I like to build a complete picture of the couple,” Pearl van den Ende of Pearl, Rock and Raven, the planner behind Charli XCX’s Sicilian wedding this summer, explains. “I ask what their favourite restaurants are, what music they like, what their favorite cocktail is, and what matters most to them. Their wedding must be a true reflection of them as a couple.”
While it’s easy to be influenced by trends, it’s best not to worry too much about what other people are doing. “Move away from Instagram,” Mark Niemierko of Niemierko, who planned Rochelle and Marvin Humes’s 2012 nuptials, and their 2022 vow renewal, says. “It isn’t built for originality. It rewards repetition, which is why so many weddings end up looking interchangeable.”
Rather than going over-the-top with multiple elements on your big day, be intentional about the mood that you want to create. “Thoughtfulness always outshines excess,” Carlsson notes. Do you really need a flash mob, followed by a Mariachi band, and a fireworks display? Drama is far more effective when deployed sparingly.
It may feel unromantic but, for Liz Linkleter, keeping practicality in mind is crucial. “Our work is never ostentatious or lavish for the sake of it—it is always beautiful, but also considered, thoughtful and original,” the planner behind Jefferson Hack and Anna Cleveland’s wedding, says. “Floral design is an art,” she notes, but equally, ceremony florals should never come at the price of the guests’ view of the happy couple.
Honest budget conversations are crucial, and they should happen early. “There’s nothing more frustrating than realising further down the line that all the big ideas you’ve been discussing have to be scaled back,” Linkleter says. When it comes to divvying up the budget, Weiss—who also boasts Hailey and Justin Bieber’s 2019 wedding to her name—is a big believer in putting your money where your heart is. “If you as a couple are big foodies, splurge on and pay extra attention to your menu. If you’re obsessed with flowers, put more of your budget there.” Wedding planning comes with endless opportunities to cater, sometimes literally, to other people’s expectations. Resist the urge. As Weiss notes, “it’s all about personalizing the experience to fit you and your wants.”
Even with a larger budget, extravagance should never eclipse the experience. “The guest experience,” Carlsson says simply, “is the most important element. When people are comfortable and looked after, everything else comes to life.” Niemerko agrees: “As much as décor is important, it’s service that creates an experience, and experiences make memories.”
Along with service, the other most important thing when it comes to enhancing the experience is the run of show. “The flow of the day is incredibly important,” van den Ende notes. “I pride myself on this as no one wants a three-hour drinks reception before dinner or endless back-to-back speeches. It’s all about the guest journey and keeping the energy building throughout the day.” Linkleter adds: “Avoid long waits for transport, and lengthy journeys between venues.”
Some couples may get distracted by all the bells and whistles, but don’t forget to put plenty of thought into the ceremony itself. “It sounds crazy,” says Linkleter, “but sometimes couples lose sight of the main reason they are doing it! The ceremony itself should be the anchoring moment everything else is centred around. Don’t underestimate how special it will be.” Unless your culture or religion requires it, don’t feel completely beholden to tradition. “It’s your wedding, do it your way,” advises Niemierko. “The fact you are getting married is tradition enough.”
Carlsson also suggests resisting the urge to pack too much into the day. “The most beautiful weddings have space to breathe; for moments, conversations, reflection, spontaneity, and for guests to truly settle in and enjoy,” she says. Meanwhile, Linkleter advises keeping photography plans realistic, so you’re not “spending all your time posing for photos rather than with your guests”.
Other things to prioritize? The music, for one—but don’t go too niche, at least to begin with. “You may love progressive house [music], but chances are not all your guests will—so try to keep it broad before midnight,” Linkleter continues. “If you have a lower budget, skip a band entirely, as a good wedding band is expensive and a bad one can ruin your night. Go for a great DJ instead.” Another place not to scrimp? The photographer—as van Den Ende, who also planned Jaime Winstone’s “mafia chic” wedding, points out, “the pictures will be with you forever.”
As for where to save, Niemierko—who once planned a wedding with three days’ notice—has an easy answer: “If I had a pound for every eye roll I have witnessed from guests when we announce the cutting of the cake, I could perhaps afford a Niemierko wedding myself!” If the cake is non-negotiable, van den Ende suggests a chic tweak: use it as dessert rather than offering both.
Almost all the planners recommend skipping welcome gifts or favors, as most get left behind. If you must, keep them small, personal, and—if abroad—hand-luggage friendly. Linkleter suggests an elegant addition: “A handwritten note goes a long way and costs nothing.”
Use the time you might have spent sourcing pastel-colored, sugared almonds to work on the seating plan instead. “Couples often underestimate how long it takes,” says van den Ende, “and it’s really worth taking your time on this, as it will make everyone’s experience so much better.”
And for the recently engaged—December accounts for roughly 20% of proposals!—Weiss has one last piece of advice: “Don’t rush into planning the day after you get engaged. Sit down, think about it, be organized, enjoy the moment, and then move forward when you have a clear picture of what you want.” With the right vision—and the wisdom of those who’ve orchestrated some of the world’s most extraordinary celebrations—your wedding won’t just be beautiful, it will feel unmistakably yours.