Meghan Markle is so back on the big screen—or, she will be, at least. The Duchess of Sussex just wrapped her cameo in the forthcoming Amazon MGM Studios film Close Personal Friends, starring Brie Larson, Lily Collins, Jack Quaid, and Henry Golding.
While I, personally, long for Markle’s return to The Tig (no shade here: I genuinely love lifestyle content and I think she had a knack for it!), I’m also stoked about seeing her act again, not least because it gives me the perfect opportunity to do the only kind of qualitative analysis that I’m remotely qualified for and rank quite literally every role on Markle’s IMDb page. Let’s run through them, shall we?
30. Tatiana in Get Him to the Greek (2010)
No offense to Markle’s performance in this film (which was uncredited and simply involved her making out with one of the male protagonists), but I’m ranking it lowest largely because it stars Diddy, Russell Brand, and Jonah Hill. A real salon des cancel-ees, if you will!
29. Susan on The War at Home (2006)
I’m relegating this one to second place on similar grounds to Get Him to the Greek. (t’s a Michael Rapoport vehicle! Enough said.) Still nothing to do with Markle’s significantly meatier four-minute cameo, though, in which she actually speaks and does a convincing impression of someone who is attracted to Rapoport.
28. Cori on Cuts (2005)
I can’t find any streaming evidence of Markle on this 2005 UPN sitcom, so I’m forced to slot it into third place, alas.
27. Gwen in Deceit (2006)
Ditto. Does this TV movie actually exist? IMDb says yes, but I can’t find proof (of Markle’s performance in it, anyway).
26. Student Sitting Onstage on Married…With Children (1995)
Again, this was an uncredited role, so it’s hard to rank it any higher than this, but good for young Meg for getting cast on this hit series! Back in the ’90s, she was on a very famous TV show, if you will!
25. Kirsten in Anti-Social (2015)
We love to see Markle high up on the call sheet, where she belongs—but even that couldn’t save this frankly awful movie. Important Meg-dating-a-rakish-Brit foreshadowing, though!
24. Teresa Santos on Love, Inc. (2005)
Yet another cute-girl role for Markle (this one is an MTA employee!), but she doesn’t bring quite as much aplomb to it as she does to other examples of the same trope.
23. Sadie Valencia in Good Behavior (2008)
Meh. That’s all I have to say about Markle in this crime-matriarch-goes-straight TV movie. Just…meh.
22. Dana in The Boys and Girls Guide to Getting Down (2011)
I really wish I had video evidence of Markle as Dana in this odd little TV movie, but trust me, it’s truly too weird to be believed (and not necessarily in a good way).
21. Kelly Calhoun in The Apostles (2008)
Another “no, thanks” TV movie about cops (wow, uncharted territory!), but at least Markle gets more to do in it than she did in The Boys and Girls Guide to Getting Down.
20. Terry in Dysfunctional Friends (2012)
Once more, no tape to roll, but Markle is criminally underused in this Stacey Dash-led film. She does her best, though!
19. Kat in The Candidate (2010)
Every actor legally has to do at least a few short films for the sake of their capital-A Art, and as this cameo proves, Markle is no exception.
18. Tara on ’Til Death (2008)
Markle deserved better than this mid aughts sitcom (not to be confused with a “mid-aughts sitcom”), but she did reasonably well with her role as a car salesperson nonetheless.
17. Holly Shepard on Without A Trace (2009)
We love Markle on a procedural, don’t we, folks? (Even if it’s just for an episode.)
16. Officer Leah Montoya on CSI: Miami (2010)
Blink and you’ll miss Markle, but there she is! In the middle of a raging fire!
15. Veronica Perez on CSI: NY (2006)
Elsewhere in the CSI-verse, Markle briefly plays a maid with a secret; it’s more territory than she would later get on CSI: Miami, and she makes good use of it.
14. Charlotte on Castle (2012)
Future Duchess of Sussex Meghan Markle? On a show named Castle? LOL! Okay, puns aside, Markle actually gets to flex her range here while embodying an innocent-seeming killer.
13. Junior FBI Agent Amy Jessup on Fringe (2009)
Say it with me: two-episode procedural arc!
12. Mindy in Random Encounters (2013)
Kind of a fun little rom-com (in a still-fairly-terrible way, obv) that gives Markle another, far more robust chance to draw from her own Angeleno upbringing as “LA party girl” Mindy.
11. Annie Ortiz on Knight Rider (2009)
The Duchess of Sussex as an underground cage fighter whose piece-y ponytail doesn’t distract her from kicking ass? Hell, yes.
10. Amy Peterson in When Sparks Fly (2014)
As a big-city journalist looking for love, how could I not love this movie about…a big-city journalist looking for love? My only quibble is that no working professional in recorded history has ever gone home for the Fourth of July.
9. Jill on General Hospital (2001)
Very believable overworked-nurse performance, IMO. Support your local hospital workers’ labor union!
8. Jamie in Horrible Bosses (2011)
I distinctly remember walking out of this movie when I saw it in theaters, but that’s certainly not Meghan’s fault! Extra points for the cute little FedEx baseball cap.
7. Wendy on 90210 (2008)
Our first royal to simulate a certain sex act that shall not be named in the passenger seat of a car on a CW reboot? Perhaps, and she’s iconic for it.
6. Natasha on Century City (2004)
Sorry…did this show’s episode featuring a holographic “virtual assistant” effectively predict AI in 2004? I’m ranking it fairly high for that detail alone, despite the fact that Markle only has one line.
5. Hot Girl in A Lot Like Love (2005)
Not a lot of lines and no character name to speak of, but you know what? She ate that.
4. Meghan on The League (2009)
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Okay, I’m definitely being influenced by my fondness for this FX show, but…Meghan playing a Meghan, even if it’s for a less-than-a-minute-long appearance? We love cinéma vérité!
3. Bartender in Remember Me (2010)
Another instance of Meghan playing a Megan! Also another instance of her not being given much to work with—but her pissed-off bartender’s delivery of “Do not speak” to an annoying patron is genuinely funny.
2. Rachel Zane on Suits (2011-2018)
I mean, duh. This is objectively Markle’s biggest role, but also…a partial or complete Suits rewatch kind of goes crazy, especially when you’re hungover on a Sunday afternoon.
1. Cass in Dater’s Handbook (2016)
You know what? Justice for Hallmark movies in general, and this one—in which Markle plays a successful businesswoman who tries to use a popular dating field guide to revive her flop of a personal life—in particular.
