It starts small. Maybe you see them hovering around the coffee machine somewhere north of 8 a.m. The first spark of intrigue comes when you notice the color of their eyes. The second is when they opt for an unusual type of milk.
Soon, you notice patterns. How they always jiggle their feet under the desk. The strangely large collection of vintage Ralph Lauren shirts they have on rotation. The way they smile whenever you cross paths, and that one time they actually winked. How you always regret not having something clever and funny to say, and instead simply move your mouth slightly before marching in the other direction.
Work crushes are a lot of fun. They’re exciting, tantalizsing, and carry the potential to revive or reshape your day. For some, a work crush is the thing that keeps us motivated, helping us get from one task to another and providing kindling to an inner spark that is constantly under threat in a corporate environment. Sure, they’re distracting. Especially if you’re already partnered up. But don’t we all need a few distractions when we’re in the depths of our daily grind?
Well, the writers of And Just Like That don’t seem to think so. In the latest few episodes of the increasingly absurd Sex and the City sequel, Lisa Todd Wexley’s office crush Marion is presented as a problem. A big one. He looks at her for too long! He has an unspoken but deeply seductive energy! He eats papaya like it’s something else we don’t need to specify here! And now, in Episode 8, things have spiraled out of control—in Lisa’s mind, at least.
“I had a sex dream about my editor last night; it was very explicit and I woke up very turned on,” Lisa confesses while on a walk with Charlotte. “Why is this happening? I have a really great sex life with my very sexy husband, so why is Marion ripping my bodice off on a farm?”
Charlotte reassures her that because of the bodice and the farm, everything will be just fine—not least because Charlotte herself also has sex dreams about other men sometimes. “But it has nothing to do with reality because sometimes in those dreams, I have short hair,” she says affirmatively.
Lisa confesses to occasionally flirting with Marion. “It’s nothing overly sexual, but there’s an unspoken energy between us. And I feel it—and I think he does too.” Charlotte posits that it’s probably a good thing, particularly because they’re working on a creative project together; it’s a connection. They write it off as “flirking”—see what they did there?—but later, after a moment of sexual frustration with her husband, Herbert, and then a strangely heated moment with Marion, Lisa is far too flustered to continue the charade.
In the real world, however, workplace crushes aren’t quite so melodramatic. Not only are they generally—for the most part, anyway—not a threat to your relationship, but in the right circumstances, they can even be a little healthy. They’re also incredibly common. “We spend a significant portion of our lives at work, often in high-pressure situations that can accelerate bonding,” explains Naomi Magnus, a psychotherapist and founder at North London Therapy. “When you mix proximity, purpose, admiration, and even a bit of stress-induced adrenaline, it’s easy to understand why feelings arise.”
“It gives me something to look forward to each day,” says Milly*, 27, who, despite being in a committed relationship, views her own workplace crush as vital. “We parked our Lime bikes next to each other the other day and I honestly left feeling like we were in love.” There’s a sense of camaraderie in it, too. “A lot of women in the office fancy this particular guy; we talk about how good he’s looking all the time on Slack. It’s almost like a bonding experience.”
For Belle*, 28, who is also in a long-term relationship, the office crush motivates her to make an effort each morning. “I choose my outfits especially carefully on the days when I know he’s going to be in,” she says. This is despite the fact she has absolutely zero intention of flirting with him; they barely speak. “It doesn’t matter,” Belle adds. “Just knowing he’s around and walking past him is enough to give me a pep in my step.”
In most cases, workplace crushes are fleeting and harmless and it’s important to view them as such. “We should understand them for what they are: a passing attraction, not a call to action,” says Magnus. Of course, they can slip into something a little more meaningful and subsequently problematic, depending on your relationship status and any hard-line policies in your HR department—or, indeed, if you end up being caught red-handed at a Coldplay concert.
“The line begins to blur when you find yourself seeking out one-on-one time, hiding interactions from your partner, or emotionally investing in the crush in ways that take energy or intimacy away from your relationship,” explains Magnus. “If the crush becomes a mental escape from issues at home, or you’re fantasizing about a different future with this person, it may be a sign that it’s moved from harmless to harmful.”
As for whether or not the lines will blur for Lisa and Marion, well, we’ll just have to see how far the AJLT writers want to take this one. And knowing what they’re capable of, that really could be anywhere: Let’s not forget they just killed Lisa’s father off for the second time. Perhaps grief hits you harder when you’re dealing with the death of the same person twice? Maybe it hits you so hard that you lose track of what’s right and wrong, as well as who you’re supposed to fancy and who you’re not? Who knows.
What I do know is that all of this talk of workplace crushes isn’t making me the slightest bit judgemental. It’s just making me wish I worked in an office, so that I could have my own.
*Some names have been changed to protect anonymity.