This Community-Effort Backyard Brooklyn Wedding Came Together in Under a Week
Politics and culture writer Ashley Reese and Brooklyn Law School student Rob Stengel’s eight-year romance began in 2014—with just a tiny hint of deception. The two met on OkCupid and planned their first date at a Williamsburg bar called Burnside because, as Ashley says, “We each assumed that the other seemed like the cool North Brooklyn type, although it turned out that neither of us lived in that part of Brooklyn.” The two quickly recovered from that initial misread, and after a few years of dating, moved into an apartment in Bed-Stuy together, spending their time traveling, backpacking—much to Ashley’s self-described “initial chagrin”—and eating and drinking their way through New York.
Ashley and Rob’s lives changed in a major way in 2019, when Rob was first diagnosed with a rare and aggressive cancer called peritoneal mesothelioma. After surgery and multiple rounds of chemo, Rob was declared free of all visible signs of cancer, but by the spring of 2022, the cancer was back with more aggressive side effects than before. “The treatment wasn’t working as well as any of us hoped, and the side effects led to chronic pain and massive weight loss. Rob decided to stop treatment and try to be as comfortable as possible at home for the weeks or months he has left,” explains Ashley, adding: “Obviously, this was and continues to be absolutely devastating. We’re both in our early thirties, a time when most of our peers are family planning and trying to solidify their careers, and here we were, trapped in the bleak realization that we just weren’t going to have that kind of life.”
Once Ashley and Rob had taken a moment to begin to absorb the reality of his prognosis, the next move was clear: they were going to do their best to enjoy the big relationship milestone that was available to them. “After a lot of crying, I figured, hey, let’s finally get married, ASAP. And by ASAP, I meant in one week,” says Ashley. She’s not exaggerating; the plan for their backyard wedding in Brooklyn, which took place on October 16, 2022, came together in just seven days. (All while Ashley, in true millennial-journalist fashion, was simultaneously writing a cover feature on the Arctic Monkeys for Alternative Press magazine.)
“I was already in contact with Mociun’s client experience lead Stephanie Popowski about a one-of-a-kind engagement ring that Rob and I loved, and I asked, given our situation, if they were able to expedite their four to six-week resizing process. Luckily, they were able to,” recalls Ashley, adding: “Initially, I figured we would just get engaged and then just do a City Hall wedding, but then I remembered a wry comment Rob made months ago.” By chance, the couple had recently moved to a new apartment in a classic Brooklyn brownstone, complete with a backyard. “Rob said, ‘Hey, what if we got married in the backyard?’” Ashley remembers. “We’d been talking about marriage for a while at that point, but I didn’t take the backyard wedding idea too seriously; it seemed cute, sure, but maybe not the most practical. At that moment though, at Rob’s bedside in the cancer hospital, a Brooklyn backyard wedding seemed like the perfect idea. Rob called my parents and asked for their blessing, and we were off to the races."
The lightning-fast planning of Ashley and Rob’s wedding was a true testament to the power of community. After Ashley sent out a text to close friends announcing what she calls their “‘Fuck it, we’re getting married!’ party,” Rob’s law school classmate Shina Bharadwaja—who had dabbled in wedding planning prior to her pivot to law—volunteered her services, helping to acquire rental furniture, fabrics, lighting, and all the other details of a backyard wedding that might seem small. (Until you’re actually planning one, that is.)
Ashley notes that the wedding went from dream to reality largely because of her friends’ willingness to lend their various talents. “Rob’s law school professor, Alexis J. Hoag-Fordjour, paid for event designer Pejy Kash to deck out our apartment in the most beautiful floral arrangements,” she explains. “My friend Roxanne Fequiere paid for my photographers, Sylvie Rosokoff and Megan Walschlager, and recommended Marcey Brownstein Catering for our reception. Rob’s friend Kim Nguyen illustrated and designed our invites. My friend Sara Hinkley, who works as a costume coordinator for TV and film, came by our apartment to help alter my husband’s favorite suit, which no longer fit due to weight loss. My friend Amy Rose Spiegel took me to get my nails done, something that sounds like no big deal, but when you’re caretaking every day and bouncing back and forth between your Brooklyn apartment and an Upper East Side apartment, a little pampering means the world. Throughout the week, friends came by to help organize our apartment, pick up booze, decorate, and made our home wedding ready."
Like so many of us who grew up on Say Yes to the Dress, Ashley had a vague idea of her ideal wedding look in mind long before she started planning in earnest. “I always wanted to have a ’70s-style, frilly, high-neck wedding dress, something that was beautifully tacky. But when you’re planning a wedding in a week, you don’t really have time to be picky,” she says. Ashley already owned the Persephone Dress by designer Samantha Pleet, which she calls “the perfect dress for a bride like me who leans non-traditional”; she paired the rose-applique white gown with red Kate Spade Voila Pumps and a bold blue eyelid applied by her friend, the makeup artist Mollie Gloss.
On the actual day of the wedding, which began with a guestlist of 55 but eventually sprawled to over 100, the sun was shining and the flower-filled backyard looked, as Ashley put it, “straight-up ethereal.” Attendees swore they heard birds chirping as Rob walked out to the strains of “Here Comes Your Man” by Pixies; shortly after, Ashley took her stride down the aisle with her father to “Strangers” by Lotus Plaza, the first song Rob had shared with her when they were still chatting on OkCupid. The couple then delivered their vows and exchanged wedding bands and many kisses, streaming the whole ceremony via Zoom so that friends and family who weren’t able to be there in person could share in the joy of the day. “I was so incredibly happy that this was finally happening, but as I said in my vows, it was so cruel that the whole affair also felt like a goodbye,” says Ashley.
