On Wednesday night at sundown, Jewish people around the world will begin a daylong fast for Yom Kippur. I will not be one of them.
In the years I’ve been eligible to fast, I have rarely observed the Day of Atonement. In fact, I’ve been discouraged from fasting. Since age eight, I have lived with chronic migraines. (As any fellow sufferer knows all too well, forgoing a healthy routine—which includes eating regular meals—is a fast-track to a terrible time.) While my parents have always cautioned me to avoid such an obvious trigger as fasting, it is also backed up by Jewish law: It is actually considered a mitzvah (or good deed) to put one’s health first. But even with a rabbi’s blessing, sitting out the holiest day of the year can dredge up feelings of guilt and anxiety.
“People are really attached to fasting,” says Rabbi Diane Rose, who leads the Santa Monica Jewish Humanistic Chavurah congregation. “I had a congregant who was quite unwell, and he would not eat. I said to him, ‘What are you doing? Literally the most orthodox rabbi would tell you to eat an egg right now.’”
People who suffer from illnesses, like those in recovery from an eating disorder, may also find Yom Kippur (and other holidays that include fasting, like Ramadan or Lent) an especially challenging day. “It’s important for someone contemplating [fasting] to really step back and decide if this is driven by the eating disorder—trying to avoid food—or if it’s truly a way to honor the Day of Atonement,” says Molly Perlman, chief medical officer for the eating disorder treatment organization Monte Nido.
From both a clinical and liturgical perspective, there are plenty of other ways to observe Yom Kippur without fasting. For those who want to stick to tradition, Rabbi Rose notes that fasting is just one of the holiday’s commandments, which also includes dressing humbly and forgoing perfume and leather. “The food is just one piece of it,” she says. “You could still dress simply, not put on lotion, not wear perfume. In that way, you’ve done the other aspects of traditional observance.”
Both Dr. Perlman and Rabbi Rose recommend interpreting the meaning of the holiday and considering how one can take action in other ways that don’t involve fasting. “Still take the day to be thoughtful, whether it’s through prayer, intentions, or journaling,” Dr. Perlman says. She suggests prompts like making goals for the upcoming year, or writing a letter to yourself to open on next year’s Yom Kippur. “[This] is always a nice activity for someone recovering from an eating disorder, or really other mental illnesses where there’s hope for a future and they’re not yet there,” she says.
Rabbi Rose looks to her work with children, who are not allowed to fast, for other examples. “What’s something that you could give up to just show that it’s not a normal day for you?” she asks her young congregants. “Depending on your level of observance: social media, your phone, maybe you don’t sleep with a pillow that night, maybe when you’re at home, you sit on the floor and you don’t sit on the couch.”
Stepping outside of the bounds of traditional Judaism, Rabbi Rose suggests meditating, reading poetry, or writing one’s own prayer as alternative interpretations. Dr. Perlman also finds that creating a vision board can be healing for clients—especially younger ones. “One of the big key things that we help them focus on is forgiving themselves for what their eating disorder has done to their body,” she says.
Regardless of religiosity, one way to approach the holiday is to reframe atonement as restorative, rather than punitive. Rabbi Rose looks to the Jewish principle of teshuvah, or “return,” which underscores self-reflection and growth as part of repentance. “Can you forgive those who haven’t even asked for it, or who can’t ask for it for whatever reason, to free yourself?” Rabbi Rose posits. “The hardest part is forgiving yourself.”
For Yom Kippur in years past, I have thrown myself into work to drown out my hunger; in other instances, I have taken pride in it because I thought it made me more righteous. But I think, deep down, I knew it would be easier than confronting the complicated feelings that arise when thinking about the holiday’s true meaning. “It’s a day to focus on forgiveness,” Rabbi Rose says. “That’s a really important aspect—forgiving even when it’s difficult. For Jewish tradition, to go through that process is more important than whether or not you ate.”
