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I don’t have a drinking problem. I do, however, have a hangover problem. They hit at 4:30 a.m., harder than the trolley problem, my eyes gaping open to a gnawing tightness of the left side of my chest amid the gray, eerie glow of dusk. Even as a writer, I always struggle to find the words to describe it: A stuck scream, maybe, smothered by my own body weight? A Gordian knot that even if I could stick my hand inside my ribcage, I would never untangle, clawing forever until my fingernails bled and fell off entirely? Or perhaps I can’t describe it not because it’s indescribable, but because my brain can’t seem to form any coherent thoughts in that moment—instead, I’m shrouded in a haze of my own mixed up, messed up, misplaced melancholia.
A pause on the poetics and a cut to the clinical read. Alcohol, like it does to so many, disrupts my sleep cycle and raises my blood sugar—causing the stress hormone cortisol to release in the process. Then, there’s the fact that even one drink requires your body to go through a mild withdrawal process, often causing restlessness and nervousness in the process as you slowly detoxify.
“How many drinks do you have per week?” my doctor asked one morning when I asked about my ongoing “hanxiety.” “Not that many. Four, five, at most six…”
It was a normal range, she said. And after some probing, she agreed it didn’t sound like I had an alcohol use disorder. But it did sound like I needed to make a lifestyle change.
I’m far from alone. Research shows alcohol affects women more so than men: According to a 2008 study published in The Journal of Clinical Endocrinology and Metabolism, alcohol’s impact on cortisol (also known as the stress hormone) is stronger in women. Meanwhile, a 2011 study published in Alcoholism: Clinical Experimental Research, women who go to bed after drinking sleep much less soundly than men who have the same blood-alcohol content. For those already prone to insomnia—which I am—a vicious cycle can soon start: “This pattern of initial sleep augmentation followed by a period of poor quality sleep can lead to a downward spiral, with insomnia being self-treated with alcohol to produce a rapid sleep onset, subsequent poor sleep, then leading to daytime sleepiness that is self-treated with caffeine, which exacerbates insomnia, requiring more alcohol to fall asleep,” says a study published by the National Center for Biotechnology Information titled “Alcohol and the Sleeping Brain.”
And so began my investigation into mindful drinking. A term often attributed to author Rosamund Dean, who published a book of the same name in 2017, mindful drinking, unlike sobriety, does not call for the absence of alcohol entirely. Nor is it just about drinking less. (While, yes, fewer drinks usually go hand in hand with mindful drinking, a set numerical number doesn’t need to be involved.)
Instead, it’s about finding a healthier relationship with alcohol. “It is a self-led strategy to drink or not drink alcohol in relation to your goals, health, or otherwise,” says Derek Brown, a bartender turned mindful drinking expert who is the author of Mindful Mixology and a NASM-certified wellness coach.
Specifically, personal goals. Let Brown explain: “It’s about the goals you set for yourself versus responsibility messaging, which is extrinsic—or, goals that other people set for you. They say, don’t drink because it’s bad for you. Don’t drink because you’re going to crash your car. With mindful drinking, it’s about saying: What are your goals, and how does alcohol support or not support them?”
It could be that maybe you want to sleep better, to get a promotion, to be more present with your family. (Or, in my case: You’re supposed to be writing a novel, but your only free time is on the weekends, which are quickly derailed once you start drinking with your friends.) Whatever it is, Brown advises to then take a hard look at how alcohol impacts the goal and reflect on how to adjust your habits so it doesn’t. For one person, that may be limiting yourself to one drink a night. For another, that may mean abstaining during the week and drinking lightly on the weekends. For some, sure, it might mean abstaining from drinking entirely.
A good starting point for mindful drinking, Brown says? Follow the four Cs. “I would say that, when we look at the different times that we drink, there are a couple of really reasonable times to do so,” Brown says. “The first is for a celebration. The second is conviviality—to bond with a friend. The third is consecration—for example, at religious occasions, like a Jewish seder, you might have a glass of alcohol. Finally, connoisseurship. There are times where there’s a special scotch or glass of wine and you’re really trying to enjoy it. Whenever we drink within those guidelines, it seems like those are reasonable times to drink. Also, recognize you can do all of those things with nonalcoholic or low-alcohol drinks too.”
Just after Christmas, I set my first mindful drinking goal: I was going to do Dry January for the first time ever. Three weeks in, I’m holding strong—and I’m sleeping better, exercising more, and writing clearer. Most importantly, I feel happier. Alcohol, after all, is a depressant that was affecting me more than I’d like to admit.
That being said, I do plan to drink again…just differently. On vacations, where I love to dive first into a place’s culinary culture, or at weddings, where I’ll take a shot and help start my friend’s dance floors. But I have set a new rule for myself: no more drinking during the week, and under four drinks total on the weekend. When in doubt, I’ll look back at the four Cs.
For those seeking to start their own mindful drinking journey, I asked Brown for his advice on how to stick to their own personal program. Below, find his four tips, which can be helpfully summed up by the acronym, RATE.
Replace
Between Seedlip, Ghia, and even mass-market drinks like Michelob Ultra, we’re living in a golden age of nonalcoholic or low-ABV spirits. (Everywhere from three-Michelin-star restaurant Eleven Madison Park to downtown hotspot The Nines offers a dedicated menu to the alcohol alternatives.) Order them. “What’s great about that is that it invites very little intrigue,” Brown says. “I think sometimes it’s scary when you stop drinking—like, now what the hell am I going to do with my hands? By having low-alcohol or nonalcoholic drinks, that’s something you can simply replace it with.”
Avoid
There are certain situations where most people feel pressured to drink, like on a date at a bar or restaurant. Identify these situations and, well, avoid them, if you can. You can meet someone for a walk instead, or go to the movies, as just two examples.
Temper
“Temper—that means changing the amount you drink,” Brown explains. “Low-alcohol drinks fit very nicely in that category. Also, drinking at a certain tempo where you’re having an alcoholic drink, and then maybe a low or nonalcoholic drink after.”
Elicit Help
Brown advises reaching out to a friend who has similar goals to you—and then stick together. “You can say, ‘Hey, let’s kind of keep an eye on each other’ when you go out to a bar or you’re going to a wedding or whatever situation that you’re going to drink at,” he says. Check in with each other, see how you’re doing, and support positive choices—as the saying goes, there’s strength in numbers.
