The Short Report With Sabrina Carpenter

[mechanical whirring] [upbeat intro music]

Good evening, America.

We interrupt your feed with breaking news.

A famine of beauty has swept the western hemisphere

in what some are describing as a highly contagious,

widespread fashion delusion.

Side effects include bad lighting, flat hair,

low standards, and cheugy fits.

Live on the scene, our red carpet correspondent,

Serena Carpen-Terra has more.

Serena. Thanks, Katrina!

As you can see, I m reporting live

from tonight s big premiere,

standing in a literal whirlwind of basic.

I ve even seen ankle socks worn with Crocs.

[mischievous music]

That is very disturbing, Serena.

But at least you look incredible.

Oh, stop it! I m serious.

You look incredible! No, you look incredible.

I m serious. Okay, you re right.

But enough about me. Back to today s news.

Coming up, we have updates on government surveillance,

bank fraud, monsoons, typhoons, pantaloons, great tunes,

and of course, the latest battle of the pop stars.

But first, the weather. [upbeat music]

[bright tinkling]

I noticed you re holding an umbrella.

Is it raining?

Let me check.

[tense music]

Nope. Moving on.

A midwinter drought is sweeping the south,

and everyone s thirsty.

Luckily, I know just the trick.

When things get unseasonably hot,

I like to get unreasonably hot.

[PVC rustling]

Ta da!

Wow! Thank you, Christina, for that fascinating forecast.

Now, speaking of forecast, the big game is this Sunday,

and they say one of the teams

might just be predicted to win.

With an in-depth look, here is our sports reporter,

Regina Harpenter. [upbeat music]

Thank you, Katrina.

I m standing here with a ball player who plays ball.

How do you feel about tomorrow s race?

[Interviewee] You mean the game?

Yes. How quickly are you hoping to finish?

That s not really how it works.

[screen whooshing]

And now, an exclusive sneak peek at my upcoming interview

with global pop sensation, Sabrina Carpenter,

From this year s Most Fascinating People Special.

[upbeat music] [crowd applauding]

You look amazing, sweetie. Yes, okay.

Sabrina Carpenter, it is hard to nail you down.

[crowd laughing]

You know, you shouldn t drink that.

It might stunt your growth. [crowd laughing]

Now that we re here, I have to address the rumors.

You have been accused by the FBI

of running a nationwide cult. [crowd gasping]

Do you deny the allegations?

They re called fans.

It s been said that you coerced them with hypnosis.

Those are pop songs. That s that me espresso.

[bright tinkling] [ambient music]

See?

Well!

That is just a sneak peek of my shocking interview

with Sabrina Carpenter.

What a program.

Stay tuned for the full special,

or pick up Vogue magazine on stands worldwide.

[upbeat music]

Sorry, I m not gonna lie. It s not looking good for us.

This jacket s a bit stiff. So just...

Sorry. Is that your phone?

Um, this is the worst tasting thing I ve ever drank.

See?

Period. [Sabrina laughing]

[upbeat music]