There’s nothing like the beginning of a relationship. You feel high, gushy, energized, alive. You think about the other person all the time: They’re perfect! They’re adorable! They’re hilarious! And, best of all, so are you in their eyes. Cue the champagne, roses, and the chirping birds: The world is suddenly a real-life rom-com.
Unfortunately, that blissful early stage of a relationship—also known as the “honeymoon” phase—never seems to last. But why? And is there anything that can be done to keep the magic alive? Here, relationship experts share everything there is to know about the honeymoon phase—from what it is to what happens after it’s passed.
What is the honeymoon phase?
Simply put, the honeymoon phase is the earliest stage of a relationship. “In this stage, everything feels deeply romantic, exciting, and effortless,” explains licensed marriage and family therapist Pat Bathurst. “Both people may be deeply fascinated with each other and physical attraction is very high.”
This phase, which is also sometimes called limerence, is not just dreamy and euphoric—it’s biological. When we fall in love, a feel-good cocktail of oxytocin, norepinephrine, and dopamine floods our brains, lighting up the same neural pathways that are stimulated by cocaine—literally. This natural intoxication is “an evolutionary function to move us towards others,” explains licensed professional counselor Jennifer Melancon. “As social mammals, bonding, trust, and connectedness are key for survival.”
Cool, right? However, there is one not-so-charming potential side effect of all this animal magnetism: The rose-colored glasses of the honeymoon phase can blind us to what else might be going on.
“Partners might not notice dysfunctional patterns in the relationship,” says couples therapist Sara Miller. For example, we could overlook the early signs of toxic communication habits like stonewalling, or fail to notice that our new paramour flirts with everyone in sight. “Everything their partner does during the initial honeymoon phase can be seen as all good—and it may be hard to identify red flags for the future,” Miller says.
How long is the honeymoon phase?
While there’s no hard-and-fast rule, experts say the honeymoon phase can last anywhere from a few weeks to a couple of years. However, “from a neurophysiological perspective, the honeymoon phase typically lasts approximately six months, when the ventral vagal system is at its highest level of activation—meaning our ‘feel good’ neurochemicals and hormones are at their highest levels,” explains Melancon.
Outside factors can pump the breaks on the honeymoon phase, too. “Life responsibilities, stressors, and shifting priorities can shorten this period,” notes licensed marriage and family therapist Beverley Andre. “As couples move beyond initial excitement, they begin navigating real-world challenges while still getting to know each other at a deeper level. The more unfiltered sides of each other start to emerge.”
How do you know the honeymoon phase is over?
The honeymoon phase might end as soon as your first argument begins. Or, it could simply arrive “when partners suddenly start noticing habits or personality traits which they find annoying,” says Miller. Or, it could come with the discovery of dysfunctional behaviors or an increase in conflict. “This means that the feelings of euphoria are no longer clouding the judgement of each partner,” Miller notes.
Another sign? You no longer want to tear each other’s clothes off all the time. “Sex may seem less intense or less frequent,” Bathurst says. “You may become more realistic about the relationship and be unhappy with certain aspects of it.”
Can the honeymoon phase last forever?
The bad news? The honeymoon phase does not last forever. The good news? It’s not supposed to. “That would be exhausting—emotionally and physically,” Bathurst says.
Experiencing a little trouble in paradise doesn’t necessarily mean you’re falling out of love, either. In fact, “the relationship often grows at this point,” Bathurt says. “Conflicts are necessary in relationships. Working through them is important.”
In other words, a relationship is like a shark—it has to keep moving forward. And, as Andre points out, “chasing that initial high over time can keep couples from leaning into the deeper, more grounded kind of love that grows with consistency, communication, and shared growth.”
What comes after the honeymoon phase in a relationship?
The end of the honeymoon phase could be the beginning of something even better: a real relationship. “The phase after the honeymoon is where true emotional connection and intimacy are built—it’s about merging lives, values, and habits while learning how to navigate conflict and collaboration,” says Andre. “It’s also where couples shift from performance to presence, deepening their trust, resolving challenges, and co-creating a relationship that honors their shared vision. It’s about learning to communicate, and building trust—all of which are the foundation for a successful long-term relationship.”
If that sounds unsexy, it doesn’t have to be. In fact, Miller says that “romance, passion, and sex can still remain intact with attunement to each other’s needs.” She points to the work of legendary couples therapist Dr. John Gottman, who said it was really all about making a conscious effort to keep the core pillars of a relationship strong: “Partners can continue to be ‘in awe’ of each other through a culture of appreciation, fondness, and admiration as the underlying systems of friendship and intimacy continue,” Miller says.
Some might argue that’s the sexiest thing of all. Of course, it takes real work—but, as Andre says, “intentional effort is what keeps the spark alive.”
